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#Post#: 68101--------------------------------------------------
Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Hmmm Date: July 12, 2021, 12:23 pm
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Letter from Miss Manners
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/07/09
Summary: LW is married and her, her spouse, her inlaws and her
DH's sister and husband planned a holiday at a lake resort, each
couple funding their own part. The sister married into a family
with a strict modesty dress code. The LW complies with the dress
code if the sister's inlaws are around when LW is hosted by her
husband's parents or the sister, but not if the sister's inlaws
are not around.
Yep, the inlaws have invited themselves to part of the vacation
and the LW received an email from her husband's mother warning
her that they'd need to comply with the dress code and her SIL
sent her a link to a website where she could purchase swimdress
with full sleeves and swimming leggings.
LW DH has said he will back her up if she chooses to not comply
but want start the issue.
I think this is one of the times the MIL should have put her
foot down and said that her daughter's inlaws could not attend.
Or if the sister really wants to spend time with her inlaws
during the trip, she should arrange to do so away from her
brother and sister in law.
Miss Manner's suggestion was to state that she would be unable
to buy a new wardrobe for the holiday but would comply with the
dress code when hosted for dinner by the inlaws. I'm not even
sure I'd do that. I'd either state that I would not attend
activities where they are present during the holiday or they can
accept my choice of clothing.
#Post#: 68107--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: Jem Date: July 12, 2021, 12:48 pm
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I would wear what I want to wear and if they have a problem with
it they can avert their eyes or do something where they cannot
see me. I don't view this as the letter writer "starting
something." If the inlaws (extended inlaws at that) make an
issue of how I dress during my vacation when they are not
hosting me, THEY would be the ones "starting" something. I would
not even respond to the link with suggestions for purchasing
modest clothing.
The idea that women must be modest infuriates me. I find it rude
to both women and men.
If the inlaws made an issue of what I wore I would be tempted to
provide bandanas for them to cover their eyes.
#Post#: 68111--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: lowspark Date: July 12, 2021, 2:43 pm
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Yeah. No way. I think that the LW has already gone above and
beyond complying with these requests in the past when visiting
her ILs. But now they will be on vacation in neutral territory.
If the in-laws' in-laws have a problem with that, then it's
their problem. I would not buy anything new nor would I go out
of my way to cover up.
I would just say that I've already purchased my wardrobe for the
vacation and do not plan to make any special accommodations.
The twice removed ILs are coming on a vacation that has already
been planned. So THEY need to do the accommodating. If they had
been doing the planning and inviting, then yeah, accepting that
invitation means complying with their requests. But it's
actually the other way around.
So I don't think that anyone should be told they can't attend.
But they should be told that the parameters of the event have
been set and do not include the dress code so they should make
their plans accordingly.
#Post#: 68113--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: kckgirl Date: July 12, 2021, 3:15 pm
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I would nope right out of that! Tell MIL and SIL so they'll be
forewarned, and go on the vacation that was planned, not the one
that was crashed.
#Post#: 68115--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: sandisadie Date: July 12, 2021, 3:19 pm
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What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. So why, for heaven's sake, have they
invited themselves on this vacation.? They seem to be trying
(and succeeding) in pushing their beliefs on everyone else in
this vaca group. I definitely wouldn't buy any other clothing
for the vacation. If these interlopers don't want to see you
wearing something then they can absent themselves from you.
#Post#: 68116--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: TeamBhakta Date: July 12, 2021, 3:28 pm
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[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2107.msg68115#msg68115
date=1626121184]
What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. .
[/quote]
Based on the Duggar family's past vacation to Dollywood, modest
dress folks say "Nike!" when passing women not dressed to their
standards. Then everyone makes a show of "I'm averting my eyes."
I wish I was kidding. ::)
#Post#: 68121--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: chigger Date: July 12, 2021, 4:22 pm
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[quote author=TeamBhakta link=topic=2107.msg68116#msg68116
date=1626121711]
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2107.msg68115#msg68115
date=1626121184]
What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. .
[/quote]
Based on the Duggar family's past vacation to Dollywood, modest
dress folks say "Nike!" when passing women not dressed to their
standards. Then everyone makes a show of "I'm averting my eyes."
I wish I was kidding. ::)
[/quote]
And you see how well that worked out!
#Post#: 68123--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: NFPwife Date: July 12, 2021, 6:16 pm
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[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=2107.msg68115#msg68115
date=1626121184]
What do these "modest dress" people do when they go out in
public? I suppose they never go anywhere except to be among
people of like thinking. So why, for heaven's sake, have they
invited themselves on this vacation.? They seem to be trying
(and succeeding) in pushing their beliefs on everyone else in
this vaca group. I definitely wouldn't buy any other clothing
for the vacation. If these interlopers don't want to see you
wearing something then they can absent themselves from you.
[/quote]
That was my thought exactly - they can use whatever strategies
they employ when they're in public. I can't stand the hyperfocus
on policing women's dress, they can exhibit modesty of the eyes,
meaning looking the person in the eye -- not averting the gaze,
especially in an obvious manner.
I wear swim leggings because I burn really, really easily and I
love them. I found out about them from some women at a pool who
were dressed per their cultural standards and they gave me links
and ideas. The swim leggings have actually given me more freedom
on the beach and at the pool because I don't have to stay under
a light cover or keep reapplying sunscreen. As much as I love
them, I'd be tempted to abandon them for this vacation if I were
in the LW's position. Crochet bikini all the way!
#Post#: 68124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: NFPwife Date: July 12, 2021, 6:19 pm
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I just read the LW's letter and my swim leggings wouldn't make
the cut, I don't wear a skirt or swimdress over them. I think
SIL's ILs need to rethink their presence on this vacation.
#Post#: 68125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Inlaws dictating wardrobe on family holiday
By: gramma dishes Date: July 12, 2021, 7:11 pm
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Even though I have little old lady arms, I sometimes still wear
sleeveless dresses or shirts on hot days. No bare shoulders?
Good grief! I'd love to know how this extra family came to
all of a sudden be included in this preplanned vacation that
originally had not included them.
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