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#Post#: 68016--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: chigger Date: July 8, 2021, 6:19 pm
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[quote author=Lilipons link=topic=2100.msg68012#msg68012
date=1625780056]
Although his conduct was over the top I have to say that I’m
with the husband on this one because my father was that man who
liked ‘practical jokes’ and ‘discretely needling people’. Until
he died I was the focus of my Dad’s ‘fun’.
I never remember him calling me by my name. To him, I was
always ‘girl’. Even when I called my parents to tell them that
Mr. Pons and I were getting married his response was, ‘Well,
girl. I hope you don’t want me to walk you down the aisle. You
and me are both too old for that kind of bull%@(). Just go to a
JP and get it over with.
I’m his only child.
Also, since I was in my high chair, sitting at table next to my
father meant that I would get poked in the ribs, repeatedly.
There are pictures from my wedding in which I’m standing next to
Dad and flinching away from him even though we hadn’t lived in
the same house for over a decade. He wasn’t reaching to poke me
but old reflexes die hard.
I remember the quote from the old Billy Jack movies, ‘Sometimes
I just go berserk!’ I think that’s what happened to the husband
in this case. You can only take so much. I can’t excuse his
behavior but I can certainly understand it.
[/quote]
Hugs and much love to you, I know how much that sort of thing
hurts!
#Post#: 68017--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: XRogue Date: July 8, 2021, 6:26 pm
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This Prudence column reminds me of the childhood days where
people get provoked into a screaming yelling fit of anger (and
worse!) because the provoker just would. not. QUIT. in spite of
previous calm requests, etc. (Why yes, I am an oldest child!)
Also my ex-inlaws who were needlers and constantly testing if
their son was more loyal to them or to me.
The wife has let this go on far too long and her attempts to
tone her father down were laughable. If you want to stay married
to your spouse, you must not let them be mistreated by your
family. What did she expect? And I rather doubt the repeated
death threats too.
And of course playing the feeble old man defense is not right
either. If you are old enough to have grown children and
grandchildren, you should know better than to treat your fellow
human beings this way. Unfortunately the husband is going to
catch it for his reaction, even after all he's been put thru to
get there.
#Post#: 68022--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: Aleko Date: July 9, 2021, 1:40 am
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[quote]The wife has let this go on far too long and her attempts
to tone her father down were laughable. If you want to stay
married to your spouse, you must not let them be mistreated by
your family.[/quote]
Dead right! She could see exactly what her father was doing to
her husband, and how much her husband hated it. She claims that
“for many years” she had “warned my father . . . that his
behavior was causing real animus” but “it never registered for
him“. Which implies that her on-the-spot reaction to each
incident was nil, and her ‘warnings’ were not much stronger than
“Oh Daddy, you really mustn’t tease Jack, it upsets him’ (which
amounts to a positive encouragement to the kind of person who
enjoys yanking someone’s chain).
If when Daddy had made yet another jibe she had instead said to
her husband ‘Jack, I don’t see why we should stand for this.
Let’s leave now’ or ‘Daddy, get out of our house and don’t come
back till you’re prepared to be civil’, there’s no way that
would not have ‘registered’.
[quote]And of course playing the feeble old man defense is not
right either. [/quote]
It’s classic bully behaviour. ‘I tormented him till he couldn’t
stand it any more and blew up at me! Boohoohoo! Now I’m all
scared of this nasty violent person! Protect me from him! Make
him say sorry!’ It’s beyond pathetic.
#Post#: 68067--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: Lkdrymom Date: July 11, 2021, 5:02 pm
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Apologies all around but I have to say I do feel for the
husband. He has been showing his displeasure/anger at the
situation and his wife has downplayed it. So yes he did finally
blow up. As far as the father..he is the type that you can ask
a million times to play nice and he will pretend he never heard
you. Until someone stands up to him...forcefully...he will never
get it. Then when someone finally does stand up to him he acts
like the innocent party.
When I was a kid I was teased terribly by my cousins and uncle.
It was expected that you just put up with it. When I got upset
I was told I was oversensitive and didn't have a sense of humor.
No one defended me. Then one day my father and cousin did this
to my 8-year-old son upsetting him. I WENT BALLISTIC. All that
pent-up anger I had as a kid came out on the two of them....but
more so on my father who I told was supposed to be protecting my
son. I also told him if his grandson never wanted to see him
again I would fully support that. Over the top--maybe, but it
got my point across to my father. Asking politely never would.
#Post#: 68068--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: XRogue Date: July 11, 2021, 5:52 pm
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[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=2100.msg68067#msg68067
date=1626040968]
Apologies all around but I have to say I do feel for the
husband. He has been showing his displeasure/anger at the
situation and his wife has downplayed it. So yes he did finally
blow up. As far as the father..he is the type that you can ask
a million times to play nice and he will pretend he never heard
you. Until someone stands up to him...forcefully...he will never
get it. Then when someone finally does stand up to him he acts
like the innocent party.
When I was a kid I was teased terribly by my cousins and uncle.
It was expected that you just put up with it. When I got upset
I was told I was oversensitive and didn't have a sense of humor.
No one defended me. Then one day my father and cousin did this
to my 8-year-old son upsetting him. I WENT BALLISTIC. All that
pent-up anger I had as a kid came out on the two of them....but
more so on my father who I told was supposed to be protecting my
son. I also told him if his grandson never wanted to see him
again I would fully support that. Over the top--maybe, but it
got my point across to my father. Asking politely never would.
[/quote]
I applaud you for protecting your son as I was not. Kudos!
#Post#: 68069--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dear Prudence July 6 letter
By: NFPwife Date: July 11, 2021, 5:57 pm
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[quote author=Lkdrymom link=topic=2100.msg68067#msg68067
date=1626040968]
Apologies all around but I have to say I do feel for the
husband. He has been showing his displeasure/anger at the
situation and his wife has downplayed it. So yes he did finally
blow up. As far as the father..he is the type that you can ask
a million times to play nice and he will pretend he never heard
you. Until someone stands up to him...forcefully...he will never
get it. Then when someone finally does stand up to him he acts
like the innocent party.
When I was a kid I was teased terribly by my cousins and uncle.
It was expected that you just put up with it. When I got upset
I was told I was oversensitive and didn't have a sense of humor.
No one defended me. Then one day my father and cousin did this
to my 8-year-old son upsetting him. I WENT BALLISTIC. All that
pent-up anger I had as a kid came out on the two of them....but
more so on my father who I told was supposed to be protecting my
son. I also told him if his grandson never wanted to see him
again I would fully support that. Over the top--maybe, but it
got my point across to my father. Asking politely never would.
[/quote]
I'm so sorry that happened to you growing up, but I'm so glad
you changed that legacy, mamabear!
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