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       #Post#: 68875--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with a flake
       By: VorFemme Date: August 4, 2021, 10:38 am
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       I like my sister in law (last minute plans or changes to
       existing plans "on the fly" because she had a different idea)
       and I love my husband (plans are carved in concrete & only
       serious intervening events will change them).  I prefer plans to
       sitting around & waiting until the last minute to make a
       decision....things rarely get done that way, I've notice. If you
       get there earlier, rather than later, it's more likley that
       there will be space for your group when you get there...
       Although there was the one time the road washed out and we
       weren't going to get there without going around the mountain the
       OTHER way....a much longer trip due to the way the roads were
       laid out.  I don't mind making last minute plans if there are no
       existing plans...but I don't want to change plans where the
       tickets, reservations. or whatever are already laid out....  She
       doesn't see a big difference - as "you can always ask for a
       refund" - but the accountant I'm married to knows you can't
       always get the refund when you changed your actions without a
       good reason.
       #Post#: 69580--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with a flake
       By: Despedina Date: August 25, 2021, 4:21 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       So a small update, my husband and boys were going kayaking one
       day (we shuttle ourselves by parking one car at the put-in and
       one at the take out on the river). I mentioned it to Sally who
       said she was dying to go. I told her she could come along
       knowing that regardless our family was going to have a good
       time.
       Originally we planned to meet by no later than 9:30 at the put
       in. She was a bit flaky, acting like she would come but didn't
       know if she'd be on time.  She said "don't worry about me, I"m
       just a tag along". I laughed. How exactly was she going to get
       back to her car from the take out access if she put in an hour
       later than us? She admitted she didn't think about that.  We
       ultimately decided she'd meet us at the take out and park there,
       so that she could just float to her vehicle. It all worked out
       but I was imagining what she would have done if she paddled
       alone and had no way back. It's a pretty remote area of the
       river.  On another note she kept trying to leave things in our
       truck at the put in. Hubby had to remind her several times that
       she was not planning on driving back over there after getting in
       her vehicle. It all went well and we had a good time but sheesh!
       #Post#: 69586--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with a flake
       By: lakey Date: August 25, 2021, 11:27 pm
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       You have a lot more patience than I have. That would have driven
       me crazy, and I would end up not telling her my plans, to avoid
       having to deal with all the goofiness.
       #Post#: 69593--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with a flake
       By: sms Date: August 26, 2021, 9:58 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Despedina link=topic=2089.msg69580#msg69580
       date=1629926495]
       So a small update, my husband and boys were going kayaking one
       day (we shuttle ourselves by parking one car at the put-in and
       one at the take out on the river). I mentioned it to Sally who
       said she was dying to go. I told her she could come along
       knowing that regardless our family was going to have a good
       time.
       Originally we planned to meet by no later than 9:30 at the put
       in. She was a bit flaky, acting like she would come but didn't
       know if she'd be on time.  She said "don't worry about me, I"m
       just a tag along". I laughed. How exactly was she going to get
       back to her car from the take out access if she put in an hour
       later than us? She admitted she didn't think about that.  We
       ultimately decided she'd meet us at the take out and park there,
       so that she could just float to her vehicle. It all worked out
       but I was imagining what she would have done if she paddled
       alone and had no way back. It's a pretty remote area of the
       river.  On another note she kept trying to leave things in our
       truck at the put in. Hubby had to remind her several times that
       she was not planning on driving back over there after getting in
       her vehicle. It all went well and we had a good time but sheesh!
       [/quote]
       Glad it worked out!  The dithering about whether she would be on
       time would have prompted a firm statement that we wouldn't be
       waiting and if you aren't going to be on time then don't even
       bother because you will be either stranded or seriously
       inconvenienced.
       It's fine to say come or don't come to a flake for activities
       that aren't dependant on whether they show or not.  The real
       issue is following through on leaving at the time you said you
       were going to leave.
       #Post#: 69604--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Dealing with a flake
       By: holly firestorm Date: August 26, 2021, 2:15 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Despedina link=topic=2089.msg69580#msg69580
       date=1629926495]
       So a small update, my husband and boys were going kayaking one
       day (we shuttle ourselves by parking one car at the put-in and
       one at the take out on the river). I mentioned it to Sally who
       said she was dying to go. I told her she could come along
       knowing that regardless our family was going to have a good
       time.
       Originally we planned to meet by no later than 9:30 at the put
       in. She was a bit flaky, acting like she would come but didn't
       know if she'd be on time.  She said "don't worry about me, I"m
       just a tag along". I laughed. How exactly was she going to get
       back to her car from the take out access if she put in an hour
       later than us? She admitted she didn't think about that.  We
       ultimately decided she'd meet us at the take out and park there,
       so that she could just float to her vehicle. It all worked out
       but I was imagining what she would have done if she paddled
       alone and had no way back. It's a pretty remote area of the
       river.  On another note she kept trying to leave things in our
       truck at the put in. Hubby had to remind her several times that
       she was not planning on driving back over there after getting in
       her vehicle. It all went well and we had a good time but sheesh!
       [/quote]
       Maybe you finally got through to her.
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