DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Weddings
*****************************************************
#Post#: 67252--------------------------------------------------
Plus One
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 10, 2021, 8:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
As a single woman, I always appreciate when a wedding invitation
includes a plus one. I do not always take advantage of it, but
there have been some weddings where I have left early, because
my solo attendance was no longer fun.
I have been invited to a wedding later this summer which
includes an offer for a plus one. The few individuals who I
would invite happen to be mutual friends with the couple. If I
ask one of them, best case scenario, I will discover that they
also received an invitation so then we can both enjoy each
other's company (no need for either of us to find a plus one!)
Worst case scenario, they did not receive an invitation and I
would be pointing that out. They may be upset to learn that they
didn't make the cut and I did or they may understand that not
everyone can make the cut and be delighted to have a way to
attend. Or... there might be a reason why the HC did not invite
this person and if I invite them, the HC now has to deal with
someone who they really didn't want there. So, I tend to avoid
inviting mutual friends as my plus one... but is there a
different way to handle this that I am missing?
Also, I am a straight woman, but have no issues with gay
couples. If I invited a man as my "date", it would be as friends
and we would both understand this. If I invited a woman... same
situation. However, to relatives of the HC who don't know me,
they may think that I am a gay woman. That doesn't bother me,
but I worry that it may bother the family (even if I know that
the HC is fine.) I am picturing Great Aunt Edna getting upset
that a "lesbian couple" has attended the wedding... which feels
like unnecessary drama just to ensure that I have fun. So is it
mostly inappropriate to invite my female best friend who would
happily dance with me (one of us would lead) if I don't know how
the families may feel?
Do you have plus one situations that feel sticky?
#Post#: 67259--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: oogyda Date: June 10, 2021, 10:14 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2076.msg67252#msg67252
date=1623333095]
As a single woman, I always appreciate when a wedding invitation
includes a plus one. I do not always take advantage of it, but
there have been some weddings where I have left early, because
my solo attendance was no longer fun.
I have been invited to a wedding later this summer which
includes an offer for a plus one. The few individuals who I
would invite happen to be mutual friends with the couple. If I
ask one of them, best case scenario, I will discover that they
also received an invitation so then we can both enjoy each
other's company (no need for either of us to find a plus one!)
Worst case scenario, they did not receive an invitation and I
would be pointing that out. They may be upset to learn that they
didn't make the cut and I did or they may understand that not
everyone can make the cut and be delighted to have a way to
attend. Or... there might be a reason why the HC did not invite
this person and if I invite them, the HC now has to deal with
someone who they really didn't want there. So, I tend to avoid
inviting mutual friends as my plus one... but is there a
different way to handle this that I am missing?
Also, I am a straight woman, but have no issues with gay
couples. If I invited a man as my "date", it would be as friends
and we would both understand this. If I invited a woman... same
situation. However, to relatives of the HC who don't know me,
they may think that I am a gay woman. That doesn't bother me,
but I worry that it may bother the family (even if I know that
the HC is fine.) I am picturing Great Aunt Edna getting upset
that a "lesbian couple" has attended the wedding... which feels
like unnecessary drama just to ensure that I have fun. So is it
mostly inappropriate to invite my female best friend who would
happily dance with me (one of us would lead) if I don't know how
the families may feel?
Do you have plus one situations that feel sticky?
[/quote]
As to inviting a mutual friend. I would suggest asking the HC
if they invited X or Y. I know there's the possibility for HC
to feel like they should have since you asked, but I'm going
assume you know your friends and if they would feel judged in
that regard. I would start by saying "I'm not implying that you
should have invited X, but I'm wondering if you did so we can
arrange to attend/ride/sit together. "
As far as attending with another woman, go for it! *IF* you care
to, you can take the HC's feelings into consideration, but I
wouldn't bade my decision on how any of the extended families
may feel. If there is drama because Great Aunt Edna doesn't
approve, then SHE'S caused it....not you.
#Post#: 67278--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: lowspark Date: June 10, 2021, 3:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Yup. Just ask the couple. I would just say that I was
considering asking MutualFriend as my +1 and wanted to check
first to see if they were already invited. That gives the
bride/groom a chance to say if they don't want that person
there. Or... if they hadn't invited that person to maybe go
ahead and extend the invitation now in order to avoid potential
hurt feelings.
As far as anyone objecting to a "lesbian couple", whether they
are indeed lesbian or not, that's totally their issue and should
not influence your behavior. Great Aunt Edna will just have to
deal if it bothers her. On the other hand, it is often
surprising how accepting people of Great Aunt Edna's generation
are with non-binary folks. I mean, just because someone's older,
it doesn't mean they are automatically close-minded.
I sure wouldn't bypass inviting a woman friend on the off chance
that someone might object because they make a false assumption.
#Post#: 67280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 10, 2021, 3:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I really appreciate both replies; great thoughts!
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2076.msg67278#msg67278
date=1623355535]
On the other hand, it is often surprising how accepting people
of Great Aunt Edna's generation are with non-binary folks. I
mean, just because someone's older, it doesn't mean they are
automatically close-minded.
[/quote]
Just to clarify, I do agree that some older generations are
really accepting. It was just an example to provide my point. It
really could be any family member making a stink. But thank you
for pointing this out!
#Post#: 70001--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 12, 2021, 1:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Since the wedding was this past weekend and I had a moment of "I
need to post to my Brimstoners!!!", I figured a small update
might be enjoyable.
I opted not to invite a plus one and attend solo. I knew that I
would be fine, as I do well in these sort of situations. A few
days later, a mutual friend contacted me about the wedding. When
we both discovered that neither of us had a date, it seemed
logical to enjoy each other's company. It worked out fine and I
had a fun time at the wedding.
However, apparently one of the bride's cousins is part of a
lesbian couple! Had I decided to go that route in this case, it
appears that it would not have caused any family tension (at
least not any more than what there was... which I saw none.) I
was just delighted to see the couple enjoying the evening.
Thank you again for letting me bounce my thoughts off of you. I
am guessing that this situation will happen again and hopefully
I will know how best to handle it!
#Post#: 70007--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: Nikko-chan Date: September 12, 2021, 10:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Funnily enough i am in the same boat. My cousins wedding is in
about six months. We were at our aunts house talking about the
wedding after they had filled out their save the dates and he
said "We (meaning him and his lovely fiancee) gave you a plus
one, we thought you could bring SunshineSister*, so you'd have
someone to hang out with."
Bless him, but he knows me. I do okay in situations like
weddings, but it can be stressful. I told SunshineSister to mark
it on her calendar.
*SunshineSister isnt actually my sister at all but a very close
friend, and we call each other sisters.
#Post#: 70010--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: vintagegal Date: September 13, 2021, 9:08 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't even know how I (or someone's great aunt) would know WHO
is the plus one of any particular person. It's not like you
would wear matching numbers like in a dance marathon.
#Post#: 70011--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: STiG Date: September 13, 2021, 9:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Nikko-chan link=topic=2076.msg70007#msg70007
date=1631505428]
Funnily enough i am in the same boat. My cousins wedding is in
about six months. We were at our aunts house talking about the
wedding after they had filled out their save the dates and he
said "We (meaning him and his lovely fiancee) gave you a plus
one, we thought you could bring SunshineSister*, so you'd have
someone to hang out with."
Bless him, but he knows me. I do okay in situations like
weddings, but it can be stressful. I told SunshineSister to mark
it on her calendar.
*SunshineSister isnt actually my sister at all but a very close
friend, and we call each other sisters.
[/quote]
A friend, who was a coworker, invited me to her wedding with a
plus one, long before I was dating someone, let alone married.
She suggested that I bring a friend, knowing I'd likely invite
another coworker of ours as my 'date'. Worked out well.
#Post#: 70014--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 13, 2021, 9:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=vintagegal link=topic=2076.msg70010#msg70010
date=1631542090]
I don't even know how I (or someone's great aunt) would know WHO
is the plus one of any particular person. It's not like you
would wear matching numbers like in a dance marathon.
[/quote]
;D But that would be funny! And you state the truth. I met a
woman on the dance floor at the wedding. After we shook our
booties, we introduced ourselves and I asked her if she knew the
bride or the groom. She replied neither. I asked her if she was
a wedding crasher and we both laughed at the idea. (She was the
best man's plus one.)
#Post#: 70035--------------------------------------------------
Re: Plus One
By: AnnNottingham Date: September 14, 2021, 2:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I attended a close friend's wedding with another mutual friend,
as neither of us had a "Plus 1" at the time. Though now
thinking of it, that was less about being "plus 1" with each
other than it just made more sense for us to travel together (we
lived in OH, wedding was in NY).
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page