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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 67175--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: gramma dishes Date: June 8, 2021, 7:59 am
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=2069.msg67146#msg67146
date=1623079245]
... She is refusing to visit anytime other than when it’s LEAST
convenient for us. ...
[/quote]
Who is "us"?
#Post#: 67176--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: Hmmm Date: June 8, 2021, 8:55 am
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=2069.msg67166#msg67166
date=1623102749]
."
Or is there some other dynamic going on that they assume your
home is a "family" home that anyone can just come and stay at
will?
She can keep texting saying she wants to come on the weekends
and you can respond one more time no and then ignore the rest.
[/quote]
She’s been doted on zinc she moved away when I was in middle
school- sh comes in th rest of the family dropped everything to
se her. I’ve always hated that but now that I am working full
time again I am not willing to give up my time with friends for
someone I see one every few years and hear from only if I
initiate contact— sh wants to see my mom and only wants me there
as a baby sitter.
In the 40 years she’s lived out of the state we all grew up
in I have never even been invited to visit- even when I was
visiting friend 20 miles from her. But she feels entitled to
dictate because most of the family allows it
[/quote]
Is your mom interested in visiting with her? If so, I would
probably identify a 2 hour window for a visit on a weekend. Do
you have to be there if they are visiting your mom? Or is your
mom, physically and mentally able to host them? If so, tell her
to arrange the visit with your mom and you'll see them if you
are available. I mean even if you are there during the visit,
you don't have to babysit. If they ask you to, say sorry, I
can't. I'm off to run an errand. Nice to see you if you are gone
before I return.
#Post#: 67177--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: lowspark Date: June 8, 2021, 8:55 am
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=2069.msg67146#msg67146
date=1623079245]
I am feeling really put out that they feel they can dictate my
weekend
[/quote]
They can only dictate your weekend if you do indeed stay home
and babysit.
So...
just don't.
No one is actually forcing you to. I really don't see the issue.
If you're not home, and your house is locked, it's a done deal.
#Post#: 67179--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: oogyda Date: June 8, 2021, 9:13 am
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Like gramma dishes, I do wonder who is "us".
I'm assuming it's your mother and you since you said she wants
to see your mom and only wants you there as a babysitter.
I'm also assuming you and your mom share a house.
You've told them you're not going to be there, and it's not
possible for you to babysit. So, DON'T BE THERE. Let them come
see your mom if that's okay with her. You've said it's
inconvenient for us, but you've only said you don't want to give
up your time with friends. You don't have to.
I understand hating it when the rest of the family dropped
everything to see her when she visits. But, maybe they were
happy to do so and you got dragged into it due to the
circumstance of your age or living with your mom. Maybe they
are still happy to do so, but your circumstances have changed
enough that you don't have to.
As for never being invited to visit her....It seems like she's
the type of person that feels like family doesn't need an
invitation. They just show up. So, if you want to visit
her....go visit her.
#Post#: 67180--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: Lilipons Date: June 8, 2021, 10:12 am
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Dear Andi _3k,
The second sentence of your first post says it all.
“My cousin texted me that she had her sister were discussing
visiting on the weekend…”. You are the subject of the discussion
but you’re not supposed to have a say in how your home and time
are to be used.
OH NO TO THAT! You and your home are not commodities to be used
at their convenience. Tell them flat out that, whether or not
you choose to be home their demands on your time are not
acceptable.
SIL used to do that. When she came for a reunion at one of her
old schools, she would use our apartment as a hotel for a night
or two between the airport and the train to her reunion. On the
way back she’d use us again for a few nights before flying back
home.
She was a good guest, her visit gave us an excuse to really
clean the place up and we enjoyed showing her around our quirky
neighborhood but it rankled that she never asked if her presence
was convenient. It was always, “We’lll be there from the 12th
through the 14th and be back again from the 17th to the 20th.”
There was to be no discussion.
I finally had to tell her that we could no longer offer
accommodation on demand. If she wanted to use us as a
way-station she had to contact us well in advance and ask if her
visit would be convenient. If her visit was not convenient we
did know of a decent B&B located close to her train station.
#Post#: 67199--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: June 8, 2021, 5:07 pm
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I'm with everyone else. No is a complete sentence. I also liked
the suggestion of staying in a hotel if you can afford it.
Keep your house locked up tight, if you are going to be there.
If they show up and you are there, grab your purse, phone and
keys. March out the door, lock it up, tell them "Sorry, gotta
go." and leave.
#Post#: 67343--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: caroled Date: June 13, 2021, 11:07 pm
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As the weekend is drawing to a close, I'm wondering how your
weekend went? Did the uninvited cousins come?
#Post#: 67374--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: Andi_3k Date: June 14, 2021, 5:28 pm
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I have no idea if they came- my best friend invited mom and I to
her new church in town eat the finger lakes - so we were there
all weekend. I’ve blocked them on my phone, too
#Post#: 67377--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: caroled Date: June 14, 2021, 6:09 pm
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[quote author=Andi_3k link=topic=2069.msg67374#msg67374
date=1623709716]
I have no idea if they came- my best friend invited mom and I to
her new church in town eat the finger lakes - so we were there
all weekend. I’ve blocked them on my phone, too
[/quote]
Brava!!!
#Post#: 67383--------------------------------------------------
Re: We’re visiting, this day- be there!
By: Aleko Date: June 15, 2021, 4:40 am
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What are 'finger lakes'?
Also - sorry, grammar nerd alert! - you surely meant "my best
friend invited mom and me"!
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