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#Post#: 67105--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: VorFemme Date: June 6, 2021, 10:31 am
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My nephews & nieces could be ever so grateful - but if I mailed
the package and never heard back from the family...how would I
have KNOWN? Their parents did not teach them to write "thank
you notes" of any kind - and we might not see them for more than
a year at a time. DH was military - we didn't get back to see
the parents/grandparents every year and even if we got back,
sometimes they were with the other grandparents that year -
divorces and holiday plans can do things like that.
They also didn't phone us - as this was before cheap long
distance & cell phones being common - the youngest nieces are 19
& 21, they SHOULD have been taught, but their mother wasn't
raised to do it, so they weren't taught, either. I'd have
printed & saved an email (we'd change ISPs when we moved, so
that was the better way to keep anything that you wanted to save
from one ISP's
email address to the next....).
#Post#: 67106--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Lilipons Date: June 6, 2021, 10:42 am
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I probably haven’t written a physical TY note to relatives in
several years. Usually, our TYs are given over the phone
because the people who would send us gifts are people we talk to
on a weekly basis.
Somehow, a hearty, ‘Thanks so much for the (fill in the blank!)
seems more personal than a note written in a less than perfect
handwriting. Also, SIL is in the habit of giving me Christmas
gifts that many would find perhaps less than exciting. She
tends to send socks and kitchen towels but she does it with
style.
The socks she sends are quirky and in fun patterns. The kitchen
towels are in beautiful colors and patterns. The last set
wouldn’t have looked out of place as napkins in a high-end
Indian restaurant.
Every family is different. It’s all a case of ‘Know your
audience’.
#Post#: 67118--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: TootsNYC Date: June 6, 2021, 9:07 pm
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I think the most important thing is that it feel personal. You
can handwrite the most distant thank-you note imaginable, and it
will never be as gracious as a text that says something specific
and thorough about the gift.
I'd so much rather get a text or a Facebook post that says,
"OMG, you got me a widget--I have already started using it, and
I love it. It fits perfectly beside the gredunza!" than a pretty
notecard with "thank you for the widget. It was very
thoughtful."
#Post#: 67119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: TootsNYC Date: June 6, 2021, 9:14 pm
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[quote author=Xainte link=topic=2066.msg67082#msg67082
date=1622928239]
Sigh. I wish we weren't so hung up on thank you notes. This
might not be a popular opinion but I really think we're not
seeing the forest for the trees.
Gratitude is important. But it's like if we don't jump through
enough hoops like a circus monkey we're not "doing it" right.
And then it's not about gratitude but about a performance.
There's nothing wrong with a phone call, or a visit, or even a
typed note. I do agree that I would want to personalize it so
it doesn't look like a form letter but good grief - the letter
writer cares enough that they are concerned about how it will
come across. They care enough that they want to be personal and
would make the effort to type the letter, print it and mail it.
Come onnnn.....get a grip MM!!
[/quote]
I used to feel so horribly guilty because I didn't have any
memory of sending thank-you notes as a child, but I know that my
grandparents sent presents, etc.
Then I found an Emily Post book, and she specifically says that
phone calls area acceptable in most situations, even baby
showers (though if the occasion meant your verbal thank-you was
sort of perfunctory, such as at a large shower, then you should
send a note).
I felt so much better--because I absolutely did call my
grandparents to thank them, and then had a longer conversation.
So, Emily Post approves of verbal thank-yous in most situations.
Not a wedding gift, I think. But that's so important an
occasion, plus you seldom get a chance to receive those in
person anyway.
But even there, I'd say: send your letter in whatever your
handwriting looks like, or type it. The wording you choose for a
typewritten thank-you can go a lot further to deepen the
relationship than three formulaic sentences on a piece of
stationery.
#Post#: 67139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Hmmm Date: June 7, 2021, 9:05 am
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I am on the bandwagon of thinking a typed note is just as
acceptable as a hand written one. I'd much rather have a typed
one that was personalized than a handwritten generic one.
I'm one of those cursed with terrible handwriting. As a child,
printing was fine, but once I started with cursive, it was just
terrible. And I too was one of those that was made to sit and do
the writing ledger sheets over and over. (I had one of those old
school teachers who insisted that everyone could learn to write
correctly and by correctly she meant like how she wrote. We
would hear almost daily that letters should be like people "Tall
& Thin". Talk about mental damage to those of us who were either
short or plump and couldn't write either) I could get the letter
out correctly one by one, but once it required me to string them
together in a word, it didn't matter how slow or how perfectly,
I tried, it still looked infantile. I also can't draw at all.
There just isn't that synergy between what I think in my brain I
am putting down on paper and what actually comes out.
Etiquette norms change. Thank goodness it is no longer required
for you to send your invitations via a footman. ;D
#Post#: 67142--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: sms Date: June 7, 2021, 9:19 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2066.msg67139#msg67139
date=1623074728]
I am on the bandwagon of thinking a typed note is just as
acceptable as a hand written one. I'd much rather have a typed
one that was personalized than a handwritten generic one.
I'm one of those cursed with terrible handwriting. As a child,
printing was fine, but once I started with cursive, it was just
terrible. And I too was one of those that was made to sit and do
the writing ledger sheets over and over. (I had one of those old
school teachers who insisted that everyone could learn to write
correctly and by correctly she meant like how she wrote. We
would hear almost daily that letters should be like people "Tall
& Thin". Talk about mental damage to those of us who were either
short or plump and couldn't write either) I could get the letter
out correctly one by one, but once it required me to string them
together in a word, it didn't matter how slow or how perfectly,
I tried, it still looked infantile. I also can't draw at all.
There just isn't that synergy between what I think in my brain I
am putting down on paper and what actually comes out.
Etiquette norms change. Thank goodness it is no longer required
for you to send your invitations via a footman. ;D
[/quote]
So am I. And it seems the harder I try to have good handwriting
the worse it gets. It's shaky and feeble looking. It
embarrasses me. I'm calling people for thank yous or doing it
in person.
#Post#: 67154--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: ZekailleTasker Date: June 7, 2021, 12:33 pm
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While I love getting handwritten thank you's, I also get that
people have arthritis, palsies, bad eyesight and so on. My
Mother had the most beautiful handwriting until she lost her
eyesight and her hands started cramping up. My Dad never had
gorgeous handwriting, but it was legible...until he got
arthritis in his later years.
I'd enjoy a typewritten or even an email thank you from my
various younger relatives. I still don't know what became of
the very large sum of money I gave to a bridal couple. Since it
was stated they wanted cash, I gave in cash. Placed it in the
cute little mailbox the bride created. No idea if she actually
got it or not. For all I know, someone stole it.
#Post#: 67155--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: BeagleMommy Date: June 7, 2021, 1:02 pm
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I send written thank you cards but my handwriting hasn't changed
since I first learned to write in cursive. It just got less
juvenile looking.
BeagleDaddy, on the other hand, has never had good handwriting.
It wasn't that he didn't try (we were both taught old school
what was called penmanship way back when) he just didn't have
the knack for it.
Personally, if I get a thank you by phone call, text, email,
carrier pigeon, or smoke signal it is still an acknowledgement
of the gift.
#Post#: 67163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: peony Date: June 7, 2021, 2:49 pm
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I wholeheartedly agree that any thanks is better than none at
all, and I am not offended by the lack of a handwritten note. I
don't care, just let me know you received it and liked it! (And
if you don't like it, at least lie to me, lol.)
I don't know if the original Miss Manners has anything to do
with the column any more. I think most if not all answers are
written by her children.
#Post#: 67174--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: gramma dishes Date: June 8, 2021, 7:50 am
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[quote author=Xainte link=topic=2066.msg67142#msg67142
date=1623075595]
So am I. And it seems the harder I try to have good handwriting
the worse it gets. It's shaky and feeble looking. It
embarrasses me. I'm calling people for thank yous or doing it
in person.
[/quote]
At my age hearing on the phone is also a problem -- for some
reason more so with some people than others. So my "thank
yous" are typed as emails but using one of the stationary
selections my email provider has available. So the notes are
neat, easy to read (I use larger than normal font), and look
fancy too. And if for some reason someone wants a paper copy
all they have to do is print one out.
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