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#Post#: 67072--------------------------------------------------
Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Morticia Date: June 5, 2021, 10:08 am
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HTML https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2021/06/05
TLDR: someone writes in asking if it's permissible to type a
thank you note if their handwriting is illegible. MM's ableist
answer is that the letter writer must improve the handwriting.
No etiquette pass for something that is "at least partially in
your control". I was so angry just reading that horribly
ignorant answer. I am one of the people who she apparently
thinks just doesn't put in enough effort. Nope. They made me
practice until I was in tears from the painful cramping in my
hands, and the writing was still terrible. There are numerous
conditions that make legible handwriting impossible. I just hate
everything about this letter.
Can we, as a group of etiquette fans, please agree that the
important thing is to communicate the thanks as best we can? I
suspect this one was written by one of the kids, but whoever it
was needs to be fired.
#Post#: 67073--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: oogyda Date: June 5, 2021, 10:31 am
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I absolutely think that expressing your thanks for something is
far more important than having it handwritten. I will say,
though, that a form letter or pre-printed thank you is crass, if
not downright rude.
My mother has cerebral palsy. The spastic paralysis in her arms
make it difficult and often painful for her to write anything by
hand. She still keeps a typewriter set up by her desk because
she can feed anything into it (cards, paper, checks, photos,
etc.) quickly to get the job done. She signs most things by
hand, though.
Miss manners can stick it!
#Post#: 67074--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Rose Red Date: June 5, 2021, 10:47 am
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I used to have beautiful handwriting until I had to take
shorthand classes (remember those?) for my college program. Then
it got worse in this age of technology. I still write letters
and notes, but now my handwriting looks childish although you
can read it.
Handwritten notes are best but there are many reasons it's not
possible. I think a typed letter is fine as long as it's
personalised by mentioning the gift or favor or whatever you're
thanking them for.
I'm glad the commenters called out Miss "Manners" or reassured
the LW with their own stories. Miss "Manners" need to realize
not everything is black and white.
#Post#: 67076--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: jpcher Date: June 5, 2021, 11:16 am
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[quote author=Morticia link=topic=2066.msg67072#msg67072
date=1622905703]
Can we, as a group of etiquette fans, please agree that the
important thing is to communicate the thanks as best we can? I
suspect this one was written by one of the kids, but whoever it
was needs to be fired.
[/quote]
I think that typed TYs are perfectly acceptable. For some reason
I think the TYs should be printed out and sent via snail mail
rather than email. More personal? Maybe?
There are plenty of reasons why a person would prefer to send a
typed note instead of a hand-written note. For the life of me I
wouldn't be able to write dozens of TYs with my own shaky hand
due to medical reasons.
PLUS! How long would it take for LW to go through handwriting
improvement classes before she was comfortable enough to send
out the TYs?
I agree that Miss Manners was way off base here.
#Post#: 67078--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Aleko Date: June 5, 2021, 12:04 pm
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But LW didn't say there was any reason why their handwriting was
terrible; and I'm fairly sure that anybody who had a legit
reason why writing legibly (or at all) was harder for them than
anyone else would have said so.
Without such a physical/psychological/neurological reason,
saying "I am cursed with terrible handwriting" means, ore or
less, "My handwriting is terrible, and I'm not going to make any
effort to improve it." (It's a bit like the traditional Irish
phrase 'It was very drunk out last night', implying that
drunkenness is something, like being rained on, that can just
happen to a person who goes out in the evening, not something
within one's control.) My own DF had virtually-illegible
handwriting, and when called on it would say cheerily 'Oh, it's
fine once you can break the code!' He was lucky so many people
loved him too dearly to just thump him.
Okay, the children should have put in a proviso about people
with a genuine difficulty getting a pass. But it reads to me as
though they were just irked by someone who openly couldn't be
bothered.
#Post#: 67081--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Lula Date: June 5, 2021, 12:30 pm
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I 100% agree with you, Morticia. I don't care for the phrase
"OK, Boomer," but I could almost forgive it as a response to
Miss Manners' comments here.
#Post#: 67082--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: sms Date: June 5, 2021, 4:23 pm
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Sigh. I wish we weren't so hung up on thank you notes. This
might not be a popular opinion but I really think we're not
seeing the forest for the trees.
Gratitude is important. But it's like if we don't jump through
enough hoops like a circus monkey we're not "doing it" right.
And then it's not about gratitude but about a performance.
There's nothing wrong with a phone call, or a visit, or even a
typed note. I do agree that I would want to personalize it so
it doesn't look like a form letter but good grief - the letter
writer cares enough that they are concerned about how it will
come across. They care enough that they want to be personal and
would make the effort to type the letter, print it and mail it.
Come onnnn.....get a grip MM!!
#Post#: 67083--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: Lula Date: June 5, 2021, 5:19 pm
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Writing notes is so impersonal. How genuine can your gratitude
be if you can't be bothered to get off your butt, travel to the
home of your gifter--by ground or by water, not by air--and
thank him or her in person?
#Post#: 67084--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: vintagegal Date: June 5, 2021, 6:41 pm
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I don't care if it comes by phone, text, FB message, or printed
in crayon on the back of an electric bill - or in person! As
long as I get a thanks of some kind. Otherwise I feel like the
villagers in the old movies, who keep throwing sacrifices into
the volcano, and all it does is roar.
#Post#: 67092--------------------------------------------------
Re: Miss Manners Third Letter Today
By: holly firestorm Date: June 5, 2021, 9:44 pm
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I don't think it matters whether the note is handwritten,
emailed, a phone call or typed. The main thing is that the
recipient of your kindness has acknowledged and appreciated it.
It's always annoying to have to ask, "Did you get my gift?" And
who is inspired to do a second favor if you are never even
thanked for the first one? I used to drive a "friend" home
nearly every week. Not only didn't he bother to thank me, he
complained if I was either too close or too far away from his
house. Is it any surprise that I eventually stopped doing this
favor for him?
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