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#Post#: 67052--------------------------------------------------
Ignored on the phone
By: sms Date: June 4, 2021, 2:53 pm
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Hi all...I have a friend who is starting to become inconsiderate
when we're on the phone together. We'll be talking while she's
out and about and she will say "Hang on a sec" while she starts
talking to someone else.
I don't mean a quick hello or excuse me. That doesn't bother
me. This is full blown small talk. I can clearly hear her end
of the conversation:
"Hi...how are you?" How's so and so? Is your son still in
school? The weather's great isn't it? Yep I'm still working
blah blah blah....
The first time after a few minutes ( I know - I let it go on too
long! ) I said I had to go and call me back when you have time
to talk. I wasn't even sure she heard me but I hung up. She
called back a little later and apologized and I thought that was
the end of it.
But no. It wasn't. The same thing happened a week later (
yesterday in fact ).
I reacted the same way although I didn't let it go on nearly as
long - just long enough that I knew it was heading south.
She tried calling me back but frankly I was too pissed off to
talk. I do love her so it's not a case where I want to end the
friendship but come on...that's rude and shows a lack of respect
for my time.
I'm wondering if carrying on as I have been - curtly saying I
have to go and hanging up is enough? Or would this be enough
for you to have a chat about?
#Post#: 67053--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: oogyda Date: June 4, 2021, 3:08 pm
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There's a lot of validity in the saying "You teach people how to
treat you." The same saying goes on to state: "By what you
allow, what you stop and what you reinforce."
That is what you are doing with your current reaction.
Personally, I don't think it's necessary to bring it up, simply
continue what you're doing. If she asks, I would explain it
however you want to. Say that you find it rude and
disrespectful of your time. Or soften it a bit and say it just
doesn't feel right and you'd rather talk later.
Oh, and here's a gold star for having boundaries AND living
them!!!
#Post#: 67056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: kckgirl Date: June 4, 2021, 3:41 pm
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2065.msg67053#msg67053
date=1622837338]
I don't think it's necessary to bring it up, simply continue
what you're doing.
[/quote]
I agree with this.
#Post#: 67060--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: sms Date: June 4, 2021, 4:08 pm
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Thanks Oogyda. I wasn't sure if I was handling it well or not.
The funny thing is that I'm not only pissed off with my friend
but the people on the other end of the line. I know if I were
to see someone on the phone I wouldn't keep going on my end.
Sheesh!
#Post#: 67091--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: holly firestorm Date: June 5, 2021, 9:39 pm
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[quote author=Xainte link=topic=2065.msg67052#msg67052
date=1622836396]
Hi all...I have a friend who is starting to become inconsiderate
when we're on the phone together. We'll be talking while she's
out and about and she will say "Hang on a sec" while she starts
talking to someone else.
I don't mean a quick hello or excuse me. That doesn't bother
me. This is full blown small talk. I can clearly hear her end
of the conversation:
"Hi...how are you?" How's so and so? Is your son still in
school? The weather's great isn't it? Yep I'm still working
blah blah blah....
The first time after a few minutes ( I know - I let it go on too
long! ) I said I had to go and call me back when you have time
to talk. I wasn't even sure she heard me but I hung up. She
called back a little later and apologized and I thought that was
the end of it.
But no. It wasn't. The same thing happened a week later (
yesterday in fact ).
I reacted the same way although I didn't let it go on nearly as
long - just long enough that I knew it was heading south.
She tried calling me back but frankly I was too pissed off to
talk. I do love her so it's not a case where I want to end the
friendship but come on...that's rude and shows a lack of respect
for my time.
I'm wondering if carrying on as I have been - curtly saying I
have to go and hanging up is enough? Or would this be enough
for you to have a chat about?
[/quote]
If the other conversation was so important she could have
quickly excused herself to you with something like, "I'm sorry,
Xainte. But, something's just come up that I need to deal with.
Can I call you right back?"
#Post#: 67113--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: NyaChan Date: June 6, 2021, 4:34 pm
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I’ve been on the receiving end of this too many times myself
with my family and I’ve adopted the same policy. They start
talking with each other rather than include me for more than
what’s necessary (“did you put out the trash” or something
understandable that can’t wait) and I politely end the call.
Sometimes they notice, sometimes they don’t - in fact they’d
left the phone in one room and walked into another and I was
talking to no one for a while lol I don’t feel too guilty about
it.
ETA: I did have one frank conversation about it which helped,
but occasionally still happens
#Post#: 67124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: sms Date: June 7, 2021, 7:12 am
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It does help. It's been frosting my cornflakes so in the heat
of it I wanted to say something. Especially because there are a
couple of other things that were grating on me.
But I'm glad to get a consensus that just ending the call when
it happens is enough.
I'm a bit of a recovering pushover - getting better at it but
one of the things I've struggled with is politely stopping
behaviour I've tolerated in that past.
#Post#: 67126--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: Hmmm Date: June 7, 2021, 7:33 am
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This annoys the crap out of me. A quick hello to someone or a
quick order placement at drive thru is fine with me. But more
than 30 seconds, I do a hey, you sound busy and I need to go.
#Post#: 67127--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: lowspark Date: June 7, 2021, 7:53 am
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The next time she asks you to "hang on a sec", you can say, "No,
that's ok. Just call me back when you're done" or "No, that's
ok, I gotta run anyway. We'll talk later."
In other words, *don't* hang on, even for a short time. You know
her pattern, so end the call when she initiates the "hang on"
phase of it.
#Post#: 67141--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ignored on the phone
By: sms Date: June 7, 2021, 9:16 am
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2065.msg67127#msg67127
date=1623070423]
The next time she asks you to "hang on a sec", you can say, "No,
that's ok. Just call me back when you're done" or "No, that's
ok, I gotta run anyway. We'll talk later."
In other words, *don't* hang on, even for a short time. You know
her pattern, so end the call when she initiates the "hang on"
phase of it.
[/quote]
With this friend I think you're right. I'm OK with very quick
interruptions like I mentioned but she can't seem to confine it
to that. It's quite apparent now that if you give her an inch
she'll take a mile. Ten seconds will become a minute, then
five.
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