DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 66350--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Rose Red Date: May 10, 2021, 5:13 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
She sounds insecure. Like she needs someone to be the outsider
in order to feel popular.
Letting her know you feel upset or left out is exactly what she
wants. She feeds off it.
I think you should just keep your distance from her, at least
one-on-one.
#Post#: 66353--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: chigger Date: May 10, 2021, 5:43 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2048.msg66350#msg66350
date=1620684822]
She sounds insecure. Like she needs someone to be the outsider
in order to feel popular.
Letting her know you feel upset or left out is exactly what she
wants. She feeds off it.
I think you should just keep your distance from her, at least
one-on-one.
[/quote]
Rose Red, I think you hit the nail on the head.
#Post#: 66357--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Hanna Date: May 10, 2021, 6:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=2048.msg66342#msg66342
date=1620676628]
I'm sorry but your "friend" was just plain rude to do that. In
fact, if I had been one of the other eight people she did invite
in front of you, I would have been so embarrassed I'd have
probably declined unless I truly thought she had invited you
already and you had had to turn her down. It sounds like she
is doing this quite intentionally, deliberately making you feel
left out. To be honest, she doesn't sound like much of a
friend. :-\
[/quote]
You are right, it was undeniably rude.
I wasn’t many drinks in but the others were and I think no else
really one noticed, but it was unmistakably an invitation for
everyone but me. My new boyfriend (DH now) was just meeting
everyone and certainly noticed.
#Post#: 66372--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Hmmm Date: May 11, 2021, 8:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hanna link=topic=2048.msg66357#msg66357
date=1620690628]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=2048.msg66342#msg66342
date=1620676628]
I'm sorry but your "friend" was just plain rude to do that. In
fact, if I had been one of the other eight people she did invite
in front of you, I would have been so embarrassed I'd have
probably declined unless I truly thought she had invited you
already and you had had to turn her down. It sounds like she
is doing this quite intentionally, deliberately making you feel
left out. To be honest, she doesn't sound like much of a
friend. :-\
[/quote]
You are right, it was undeniably rude.
I wasn’t many drinks in but the others were and I think no else
really one noticed, but it was unmistakably an invitation for
everyone but me. My new boyfriend (DH now) was just meeting
everyone and certainly noticed.
[/quote]
It really is time to stop looking at her as a friend. She sounds
vindictive and the perfect example of a frenemy. I'd no longer
engage with her one on one and only socialize as part of a
group.
#Post#: 66377--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: lowspark Date: May 11, 2021, 9:41 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You said you have had some positive experiences with her.
-- Recently? If not, how long ago?
-- Do those positive experiences outweigh the negative ones?
When you think about friends you want to hang out with, does she
come to mind? Do you, would you, ever initiate getting together
with her? If you initiate a group event, do you want to invite
her to be there?
You don't have to answer all these questions, of course, but
think about them yourself as a way of evaluating the friendship.
#Post#: 66381--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Hanna Date: May 11, 2021, 12:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=chigger link=topic=2048.msg66353#msg66353
date=1620686623]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=2048.msg66350#msg66350
date=1620684822]
She sounds insecure. Like she needs someone to be the outsider
in order to feel popular.
Letting her know you feel upset or left out is exactly what she
wants. She feeds off it.
I think you should just keep your distance from her, at least
one-on-one.
[/quote]
Rose Red, I think you hit the nail on the head.
[/quote]
I think Rose Red’s explanation might be right also. It’s the
other reason (besides “it must be me”) that I only ever say
“That sounds like fun.” Or similar.
#Post#: 66382--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Hanna Date: May 11, 2021, 12:12 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2048.msg66377#msg66377
date=1620744063]
You said you have had some positive experiences with her.
-- Recently? If not, how long ago?
-- Do those positive experiences outweigh the negative ones?
When you think about friends you want to hang out with, does she
come to mind? Do you, would you, ever initiate getting together
with her? If you initiate a group event, do you want to invite
her to be there?
You don't have to answer all these questions, of course, but
think about them yourself as a way of evaluating the friendship.
[/quote]
I only rarely reach out at all now. Occasionally prior to covid
would mention if I was around she was welcome to stop by. I do
include her in any larger group activities. She does the same.
This habit seems to go away when she’s very happy, and appear
when she’s going through hard times.
Next time she mentions having others over and I’m not invited,
I’m going to say something honest like “I’m so glad you are
having fun but it always hurts me to hear about you having get
together a at your house when I’m not included. This past year
has been especially isolating, it’s harder than ever.” Let the
chips fall where they may.
I can ignore the comments when it’s just one another person, but
not the group things.
#Post#: 66596--------------------------------------------------
Re: How do you respond to this?
By: Star Wars Fan Date: May 18, 2021, 2:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
When she starts up with this nonsense if you can manage it I
think you should always just reply to her in the most bored
voice possible with "That's nice", and then change the subject
on her. I guarantee it'll drive her nuts and most likely she'll
stop doing it! ;)
Ed.
*****************************************************
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page