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#Post#: 65485--------------------------------------------------
Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: KaosP Date: April 12, 2021, 4:02 pm
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I had this question from someone today...I feel like the answer
should be relatively straightforward, but I'm also able to talk
myself out of it.
Writing a business letter. We know that the recipient is
married, but she uses her maiden name.
Would you address the letter to Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
(I said that it's a personal thing; I recommended using "Ms."
unless otherwise instructed.)
#Post#: 65486--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Rose Red Date: April 12, 2021, 4:37 pm
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Unless I know their preference, I use Ms. or their full name.
#Post#: 65487--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: SureJan Date: April 12, 2021, 4:59 pm
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Ms. Is my default unless requested otherwise. I can’t imagine an
instance in business correspondence where I would ever use
“Miss”
#Post#: 65489--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Hmmm Date: April 12, 2021, 6:04 pm
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For business correspondence I always use Ms. even if I know she
uses her married name. I can't remember the last time I saw Mrs
in a professional correspondence.
Edited because I was curious what Emily Post now says and she
notes that in business, women should be Ms. unless you
positively know they want to go by Mrs.
HTML https://emilypost.com/advice/guide-to-addressing-correspondence
you have to scroll down to business correspondence.
#Post#: 65492--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Winterlight Date: April 12, 2021, 6:51 pm
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I would default to Ms.
In my work correspondence right now, our standard method of
addressing patrons via email is "Hello Chris Smith" to avoid
possibly misgendering people or giving them the wrong title
(Miss/Ms./Mrs./Dr.- a patron could be any of these and we have
no way to know.)
#Post#: 65501--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Gellchom Date: April 13, 2021, 5:18 am
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Definitely "Ms.," and not because it's a business letter.
If she is married, and her last name is not her spouse's, then
neither "Miss" nor "Mrs." is correct. "Miss" is for unmarried
women, and "Mrs." goes with the spouse's last name, not her own
if different.
However!! Of course, if you know for a fact that she prefers
to be addressed with "Miss" or "Mrs.," then that preference
supersedes the rule, and you should follow her preference. (For
example, I believe that Hillary Clinton is styled "Mrs." by the
New York Times, which uses Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss honorifics instead
of Sen., Pres., etc., which I assume is the preference she
expressed to them, as they seem to use "Ms." as their default
for women. Even in that case, I doubt they would go with "Mrs.
Rodham," if she went by that name. Anyway, the point is that
they seem to default to Ms. but honor an expressed preference.)
But only do it if you know for sure that that is her
preference. Otherwise, always use "Ms." (or, if appropriate,
"Dr." or "Rev." or whatever).
As I've lamented here before, it is so sad that people seem to
think that it's an insult to a married woman not to use "Mrs."
for her, as if her marital status (and a superior status as a
matron, at that) is the important thing to know about her
(although not for a man). Some people of all ages who know
perfectly well that my last name is not the same as my husband's
and use it for me use "Mrs." with it anyway, as though it's
somehow more polite or complimentary or something. It doesn't
offend or anger me, it just makes me sad.
#Post#: 65503--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Aleko Date: April 13, 2021, 7:56 am
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[quote]Some people of all ages who know perfectly well that my
last name is not the same as my husband's and use it for me use
"Mrs." with it anyway, as though it's somehow more polite or
complimentary or something. It doesn't offend or anger me, it
just makes me sad.[/quote]
But it could simply be that they know you are married, and take
it for granted that a married woman is a Mrs, without any value
judgement attached at all?
#Post#: 65504--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: BeagleMommy Date: April 13, 2021, 8:41 am
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For business correspondence I always default to "Ms." unless I
know they have a preference otherwise. I only use "Miss" when
writing to my nieces but use "Mrs." in personal correspondence.
#Post#: 65505--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: KaosP Date: April 13, 2021, 9:28 am
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Thanks for the responses!
I usually always default to Ms. if I'm not sure of their
preference; I think I was thrown off by a close friend who is
married but goes by "Miss MaidenName."
Of course, then I started googling and learned that some people
use "Mrs. MaidenName," which seems odd to me!
(Thanks for the Emily Post link, Hmmm, I couldn't for the life
of me remember the name "Emily Post" yesterday when I was
quickly trying to find a straight answer.)
I once wrote to someone and wasn't sure of their marital status,
and they blasted me for using "Ms." even though they're
married...which I had no way of knowing. People are interesting.
#Post#: 65509--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mrs., Miss or Ms.?
By: Gellchom Date: April 13, 2021, 12:19 pm
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The very fact that we have different honorifics for unmarried
and married women at all, but not for men, speaks volumes (and
none of it good, in my opinion).
That’s what Ms. was designed to eliminate. But so many people
resist using it, or insist it’s just for business, etc. There
doesn’t seem to be any reason for that other than the residual
feeling that it’s important to label women by their marital
status, and that married is the superior status for a woman.
Didn’t we recently have a string where someone reported that
someone (a woman!) in a professional context felt that female
PhDs ought to prefer to be styled Mrs., not Dr., even at work,
because being a wife was the greater achievement or status or
something? That’s an extreme example of what I’m talking about.
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