DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 65261--------------------------------------------------
Donating to a friend
By: vintagegal Date: April 7, 2021, 6:40 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My turn for a question. I connected on FB with an old HS friend
(HS was 40 years ago). She is a caregiver to a disabled grandkid
and posted recently about them outgrowing some equipment and
insurance only paying for upgrades every few years. I would like
to donate some of my stimulus money to her, to be used for her
grandkid's needs. She has never posted Gofundme's or anything
like that, just fundraising walks etc for a national
organization, which I have contributed to.
Should I just send a check with an explanation, and she can
cash it or not as she wishes? Contact her first and ask? Or do
nothing. I don't want her to feel embarrassed. But I would like
to help.
#Post#: 65264--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: Jem Date: April 7, 2021, 7:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think I would talk with her about this before sending money to
her. Have you seen her in person or communicated over the phone
or are you just communicating via Facebook and messenger? I also
am a bit unclear on whether your friend is the guardian of this
child or instead is a part-time caregiver while the parents are
at work, for example. Does the child live with your friend? What
kind of equipment is needed?
Everyone is different, but I think I would probably feel a
little awkward if someone donated money to me for a grandchild's
needs. It could be that she (or the parents of the child???)
doesn't even need the money and posted about the insurance
issues because she is irritated the equipment isn't covered.
#Post#: 65265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: vintagegal Date: April 7, 2021, 7:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I haven't seen her since HS. The parents are present and
working, friend takes care of the kids, not sure how much.
#Post#: 65269--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: lowspark Date: April 7, 2021, 8:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Maybe don't call it a donation, but instead a gift. I would
contact her and say you wish to give a gift to the grandchild to
help with equipment expenses.
#Post#: 65270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: DaDancingPsych Date: April 7, 2021, 9:41 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2027.msg65269#msg65269
date=1617803847]
Maybe don't call it a donation, but instead a gift. I would
contact her and say you wish to give a gift to the grandchild to
help with equipment expenses.
[/quote]
This. I was going to say the same, but as always, lowspark said
it better! I would tell friend that I wanted to give a gift
because they have been such a good friend and now a wonderful
grandparent. I would talk to friend first, because then you can
control the tone of how the gift comes across.
#Post#: 65283--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: gramma dishes Date: April 7, 2021, 11:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Jem link=topic=2027.msg65264#msg65264
date=1617799988]
...
Everyone is different, but I think I would probably feel a
little awkward if someone donated money to me for a grandchild's
needs. It could be that she (or the parents of the child???)
doesn't even need the money and posted about the insurance
issues because she is irritated the equipment isn't covered.
[/quote]
I'm with Jem on this one. We all know you and we know you'd
never ever mean it that way, but I think if I were the
grandmother I'd feel uncomfortable being offered personal gifts
of money for my grandchild's equipment by someone I knew in high
school but have had little personal contact with since. Even if
they really do need the money, no one wants other people
thinking of our families as charity cases. It's a pride thing.
#Post#: 65298--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: vintagegal Date: April 7, 2021, 4:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
yeah, I think you are right, I don't want to embarrass her. I'll
donate to local charities instead.
#Post#: 65302--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: DaDancingPsych Date: April 7, 2021, 7:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=vintagegal link=topic=2027.msg65298#msg65298
date=1617830543]
yeah, I think you are right, I don't want to embarrass her. I'll
donate to local charities instead.
[/quote]
That is your safest bet. Although, you could also gift her
something that would be a fun treat. Gift certificate to a
restaurant that she enjoys (maybe even with grandchild) or
something along those lines. If she is struggling with medical
costs, those special treats are probably lesser. And if they are
doing ok financially, they might just appreciate the gesture.
#Post#: 65314--------------------------------------------------
Re: Donating to a friend
By: Gellchom Date: April 8, 2021, 6:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2027.msg65270#msg65270
date=1617806515]
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2027.msg65269#msg65269
date=1617803847]
Maybe don't call it a donation, but instead a gift. I would
contact her and say you wish to give a gift to the grandchild to
help with equipment expenses.
[/quote]
This. I was going to say the same, but as always, lowspark said
it better! I would tell friend that I wanted to give a gift
because they have been such a good friend and now a wonderful
grandparent. I would talk to friend first, because then you can
control the tone of how the gift comes across.
[/quote]
I agree -- lowspark nailed it.
I think making it a gift to the child, not to the grandparent,
is the secret sauce.
*****************************************************