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#Post#: 65277--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: BeagleMommy Date: April 7, 2021, 10:44 am
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I agree with others who've said that the child should be removed
from the store. When BeagleBoy was little sometimes all it took
was leaving the store to sit in the parking lot in the car for a
few minutes.
If the man referred to the child as "it" that was rude. He
could have used "them" if he didn't know the child's gender.
"It" is a pronoun for an object; not a person.
I find it interesting that the woman considered the question
"why didn't you have your mother take the child out of the
store" as "another conflict".
#Post#: 65282--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: April 7, 2021, 11:07 am
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As a former cashier, I would rather see a 2 y/o throw a small
tantrum and not get their way, than a 5 or 6 y/o and older throw
a screaming, hitting, kicking name calling tantrum, because they
know they will get what they want.
I have told moms of those little ones, that if you hold your
ground now, No, will not be a problem when they get older.
#Post#: 65284--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: TootsNYC Date: April 7, 2021, 12:25 pm
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[quote]I find it interesting that the woman considered the
question "why didn't you have your mother take the child out of
the store" as "another conflict".
[/quote]
I don't.
That's how someone would phrase it if what they wanted to say
was "You should have had your mother take the child out of the
store." A great, great many times, a question IS the sentence
structure people use to argue or to pass judgment.
Almost no parent has ever really meant "What were you thinking?"
They mean, "You are stupid."
Questions often aren't just questions.
If it had been a genuine question, a better wording would have
been, "Was the a reason your mother couldn't have taken her out
of the store?"
#Post#: 65286--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: betty Date: April 7, 2021, 12:36 pm
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She was in the self-checkout line. As soon as she was able to
check out, the child would have been removed from the store.
I don't really fault the mother for not having the child
"removed" sooner than that.
I do think she could have simply said, "As soon we check out,
we'll be gone" to the man instead of getting angry over the
interaction. I think she misinterpreted the word "it" in this
context, the man meaning "the noise" and the woman thinking "he
called my toddler 'it'."
#Post#: 65289--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Dazi Date: April 7, 2021, 1:22 pm
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In this situation there are two very viable better options that
do not "put the child in charge." The other adult takes the
child to the car or you take the child to the car and allow the
other person to finish the transaction. Now, if she had been by
herself, that's entirely different. She had options, she chose
not to utilize the options that would benefit everyone. That's
her chose as well. I highly suspect the man said "take it
outside" as in the situation, not specifically referring to her
child as an it.
#Post#: 65291--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Hmmm Date: April 7, 2021, 3:08 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2026.msg65284#msg65284
date=1617816336]
[quote]I find it interesting that the woman considered the
question "why didn't you have your mother take the child out of
the store" as "another conflict".
[/quote]
I don't.
That's how someone would phrase it if what they wanted to say
was "You should have had your mother take the child out of the
store." A great, great many times, a question IS the sentence
structure people use to argue or to pass judgment.
Almost no parent has ever really meant "What were you thinking?"
They mean, "You are stupid."
Questions often aren't just questions.
If it had been a genuine question, a better wording would have
been, "Was the a reason your mother couldn't have taken her out
of the store?"
[/quote]
Your wording implies that without a valid reason why the
grandmother was not capable of taking the child (needing to make
a purchase or being physically unable to take the child or just
flat out not willing to deal with a tantrum throwing 2 year
old), the grandmother should have removed the child. At the the
first phrasing gives the opening for the mother to state that
she feels removal of the child "gives in" to the tantrum or
state the grandmother was not able to do so.
#Post#: 65294--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: honeybee42 Date: April 7, 2021, 3:30 pm
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I say this as a parent whose youngest children are now 20 years
old, but I am firmly in the camp that allowing one's child to
pitch a noisy fit in public is not "parenting your kids". Even
more egregious being the fact that she had two reasonable
options that she avoided.
In fact, when my oldest (now 27) was a toddler, the grocery
store in their infinite wisdom decided to place toys on one side
of the aisle and cereal on the other (so in order to buy cereal,
you had to walk past the toys; the only other choice would be
not to purchase cereal). Son is in the cart seat as I'm headed
to get cereal, and he asked for one of the toys over on the
opposite side of the aisle. I told him no (it really wasn't in
the budget anyway, but I definitely was not planning to start a
trend), he asked again, I told him no again, and he started
whining "but I want it". I told him that the answer was no, and
if he asked again, we would go home immediately. Of course, he
did ask again, with a louder "but I want it". I turned my cart
over to an employee, walked out of the store with him wailing
"I'll be good" all the way to the car. As soon as we got home,
I made him take a nap. After that, if he asked a second time
after I said "no", I would just say "do we need to go home?" and
that would be the end of it. I did have to repeat with
subsequent children (actually following through on leaving), but
only once ... any time after that, they knew that not only would
they not get the thing but they'd go home and have to take a
nap. Even alone, unless the transaction is already in progress
(even if one is all finished and in line for check out), there
are choices that can be made.
If that makes me judgmental, well, so be it; but then I've been
there, done that (x4), and have the #1 Mom mug to show for it.
#Post#: 65334--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Codewoman1125 Date: April 8, 2021, 10:54 am
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No good comes from criticizing parenting - ever. And I'm
wondering if that man had ever had to deal with a screaming
child.
We don't know when or why people do what they do and it is none
of my business.
If you are waiting in line and are distressed by what someone
else is doing you should get out of line.
#Post#: 65343--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: lowspark Date: April 8, 2021, 1:10 pm
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[quote author=Codewoman1125 link=topic=2026.msg65334#msg65334
date=1617897286]
No good comes from criticizing parenting - ever. And I'm
wondering if that man had ever had to deal with a screaming
child.
We don't know when or why people do what they do and it is none
of my business.
If you are waiting in line and are distressed by what someone
else is doing you should get out of line.
[/quote]
I mean, yeah. I wouldn't have said anything to the woman either.
I would have stuck it out or left (probably stuck it out)
according to my own needs.
I can't answer for the man of course, but I've definitely dealt
with a screaming child. I have two (now grown) sons. So I can
sympathize, certainly. Been there! But I'll still stand by what
I said previously: No matter how you chose to raise your child,
it should not be at the continued expense of strangers at a
Target. (Or any other public place.)
There are always going to be times you are in a situation you
can't control, and if that were the case here, I'd be way more
on Mom's side. But I think she had an opportunity to control the
situation, namely, to removed the child.
I'm not thrilled with either Mom's or Man's behavior.
#Post#: 65347--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: April 8, 2021, 2:01 pm
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I wonder why the mother posted this on Nextdoor if she was going
to shut down anyone who didn't immediately concur that she did
the right thing and the man was wrong? As can be seen from the
responses here, there is some gray area (Did he really use the
word 'it'? By it, was he referring to the child or the tantrum?
Did the mother have options?)
I am a moderator on my local Nextdoor, and lately there have
outrageous arguments over trivial items. (People going Covid
stir crazy?) One person states this happened to me, and the
other person was just awful. Someone questions the specifics,
and the OP snarks. Then the forum piles in, taking up sides,
name calling ensues, and moderators are swamped with reports.
After this lady swatted at me for daring to ask a fairly
straightforward question, I would back away. So much emotion is
running here that no logical or worthwhile discussion can occur.
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