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#Post#: 65238--------------------------------------------------
A Rant from Nextdoor
By: LurkingGurl Date: April 6, 2021, 11:53 am
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"Horrible altercation at Target . Yesterday, I had a horrible
experience while standing in line at the Hometown St. Target. I
was in self checkout with my mother and my 2 year old was having
a crying spell because I wouldn’t buy her a particular toy. She
cried for a good few minutes and the middle aged man in front of
me decided to get into a verbal altercation with me about the
fact that I should take “it” (referring to my toddler) outside.
It’s awful to think men like that exist these days - shaming a
mother with a distraught child enough to make a verbal attack on
a woman. To all the moms out there with small children, I hope
you never run into this man at Target and deal with Target
security being pulled in as you try to parent your kids. End
rant!"
What do we think?
I've got to think that if the guy actually said anything
actually rude that she would have recounted it.
I asked her why she didn't just have her mom take the kid out
and she responded that she didn't post so that she could also
have an altercation with me, so I guess her definition of an
"altercation" isn't what most people's is. She also doesn't say
who called security...
#Post#: 65241--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: TootsNYC Date: April 6, 2021, 12:10 pm
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I feel like it's an Everybody Sucks Here situation.
"a good few minutes" is pretty long, but I can also see that
it's one of those things that sometimes you just can't help.
But him calling a child "it"? Not cool.
us NYCers realize that you just don't engage when people are on
the other side of the etiquette line--you especially don't scold
or attack, because that just makes it worse. On everybody around
you.
But of course, when someone DOES attack, we also deflect and
avoid.
#Post#: 65246--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: LurkingGurl Date: April 6, 2021, 12:31 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2026.msg65241#msg65241
date=1617729048]
But him calling a child "it"? Not cool.
[/quote]
I highly doubt that he called her child an "it." He was
probably referring to the situation as in "Take it outside."
#Post#: 65247--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Aleko Date: April 6, 2021, 12:37 pm
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Maybe he couldn't figure out if the 2-year-old was a him or a
her, and just didn't want to get into a 'How dare you! That's
not my son, that's my daughter!' side-issue. I agree it doesn't
sound good, but I can see why he might have settled for 'it'.
#Post#: 65248--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: LurkingGurl Date: April 6, 2021, 12:56 pm
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Since she had her mom with her, I asked her why she or her mom
didn't take the kid out to the car while the other remained
behind to check out.
This was her response:
“Because I’m the one in charge, not my child. Children do not
have the ability to self regulate their emotions because it is
inconvenient for you. I did not post this to have another
altercation online with you.”
I think she created this problem herself. I don't think he
actually referred to the child as "it." I think she's blowing
it out of proportion because she knows she was wrong.
I agree with Toots, that it's never a good idea to engage
someone in a situation like this regardless of which side you're
on. We're "down south" and things like that just flow more
freely, I guess.
My POV is that if she had been by herself that she would have
gotten maximum tolerance from those around her. But, because it
was two people together, and they both just let the kid carry
on, that tolerance was in short supply.
Wondering if the guy involved will see her post and chime in.
I'd need popcorn for that! ;)
#Post#: 65250--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Soop Date: April 6, 2021, 2:40 pm
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I don't understand how taking the child to the car is the child
being in charge. Seems to me the fastest way to make them
(better neutral rather than 'it' ;)) realize no amount of
crying will get a toy is to remove them from the magic place
toys come from.
Or as it was worded in my family 'straight home, straight to
bed'.
#Post#: 65257--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: lakey Date: April 6, 2021, 3:49 pm
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[quote]“Because I’m the one in charge, not my child. Children
do not have the ability to self regulate their emotions because
it is inconvenient for you. I did not post this to have another
altercation online with you.”[/quote]
I'm tolerant of parents whose toddlers have tantrums in stores,
but that parent's attitude is a problem. It seems entitled and
inconsiderate of other shoppers. The parent is not entitled to
inconvenience other shoppers. I think most parents at least try
to control their kid's screaming. Sometimes they're more
successful than at other times, but I expect them to at least
try. When a parent doesn't remove the child from the store, I
assume that it is because they have no other way to get the
shopping done. As far as the man's behavior, I think that it is
better to not make suggestions to strangers unless it is really
serious. A lot of people just get defensive, and nothing is
accomplished. I learned that lesson when I shushed someone in a
movie theater. They just argued back. Now I move.
#Post#: 65266--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: Isisnin Date: April 7, 2021, 7:58 am
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[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain
link=topic=2026.msg65248#msg65248 date=1617731808]
Since she had her mom with her, I asked her why she or her mom
didn't take the kid out to the car while the other remained
behind to check out.
This was her response:
“Because I’m the one in charge, not my child. Children do not
have the ability to self regulate their emotions because it is
inconvenient for you. I did not post this to have another
altercation online with you.”
I think she created this problem herself. I don't think he
actually referred to the child as "it." I think she's blowing
it out of proportion because she knows she was wrong.
I agree with Toots, that it's never a good idea to engage
someone in a situation like this regardless of which side you're
on. We're "down south" and things like that just flow more
freely, I guess.
My POV is that if she had been by herself that she would have
gotten maximum tolerance from those around her. But, because it
was two people together, and they both just let the kid carry
on, that tolerance was in short supply.
Wondering if the guy involved will see her post and chime in.
I'd need popcorn for that! ;)
[/quote]
Agree with all this and while I understand not engaging a
stranger in a stressful situation, I do kinda wish that people
would point out inappropriate or correctable situations. Perhaps
such situations will occur less often if such behavior was
called out. E.g. maybe now the mother will have the other adult
with her take the child outside (or vice-versa).
Curious, I work retail, and I feel like there are more of these
inappropriate situations then in the past. Like a lot of young
children in the store and crying, especially late at night.
Also, ag, dogs being brought in.
What y'all think?
#Post#: 65268--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: lowspark Date: April 7, 2021, 8:53 am
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She needed to remove the kid from the store. Full stop. The
whole reason the child cried "for a good few minutes" is because
she (the child) knew it was distressing everyone around, and
therefore the mom, increasing the chances of getting what she
wanted.
I removed my kids from situations like that at great
inconvenience to myself a few times. They stop crying the minute
you get them out of the store because they know that their
crying no longer has any effect. I left behind groceries (left
them with a manager/cashier/whoever); left behind library books
that we'd spent an hour choosing (both me and child); left a
restaurant while my husband paid the bill and gathered the
leftovers. You do it a few times and then all you have to do is
threaten to leave and the child quiets down.
No matter how you chose to raise your child, it should not be at
the continued expense of strangers at a Target. Every kid cries.
And if you can remedy the situation quickly, then you do so. If
you can't, you remove the child from the store, library,
restaurant, place of worship, etc. You don't just expect the
rest of the world to suck it up and deal with your kid's
tantrum.
I agree that the man probably used the word "it" because he
didn't want to assume the child's gender. When it gets to the
point where security is being called, it's really time to
reexamine your parenting methods as they pertain to your child's
behavior in public places.
#Post#: 65275--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Rant from Nextdoor
By: sandisadie Date: April 7, 2021, 10:17 am
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Many, many times, over the years I've been shopping in a big box
store (bad acoustics) and the whole time a child is crying,
whining or screaming and the adult with the child is just
strolling around the store shopping. Not much you can do about
it as far as I can see. I'm in the group that says that if your
child is doing this you must exit the store no matter what.
That's how I raised mine and it usually works that when you take
the child outside they stop because they see that you mean
business.
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