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#Post#: 65047--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: oogyda Date: March 30, 2021, 4:23 pm
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So what words do y'all use when you are actually apologizing?
#Post#: 65057--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: March 30, 2021, 10:24 pm
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"I apologize."
For me, the phrase, "I'm sorry," is a social convention. Like,
"How are you?" for me is a greeting. I am not asking for a
detailed response of how the person is feeling.
But if I am expressing regret, then "I apologize" is what I use.
#Post#: 65058--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Aleko Date: March 31, 2021, 2:45 am
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[quote]So what words do y'all use when you are actually
apologizing?[/quote]
“I’m sorry”. As I said it’s all in how you say it. I might throw
in an extra adjective as well, as in “I’m really sorry” or “I’m
so sorry”, but essentially it’s the tone of voice that does it.
#Post#: 65064--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Hmmm Date: March 31, 2021, 8:49 am
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2017.msg65047#msg65047
date=1617139419]
So what words do y'all use when you are actually apologizing?
[/quote]
I'm sorry is still appropriate but in my mind should be
accompanied with acknowledgement of your action.
I'm sorry I stepped on you toe. I hope you are ok.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. It was wrong of me to assume you
wouldn't want to dinner with us.
I'm sorry I missed that deadline. I'll have the report before
lunch.
Like pierrotlunaire0, if I am really apologizing for something
big then I normally use "I apologize"
#Post#: 65069--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Rose Red Date: March 31, 2021, 10:15 am
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I agree "I'm sorry" can have different meanings.
"I'm sorry I spilled red wine on your carpeting" is something I
did, regret it, and will try to fix or pay for it.
"I'm sorry your flight got cancelled and you missed your
vacation" is nothing I did but I still feel bad for your
situation.
I won't give fake or forced apologies in power games, but saying
you're sorry but there's no smoking allowed on your property is
just polite social niceties. Nobody is at fault.
#Post#: 65112--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: sms Date: April 1, 2021, 10:56 am
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I agree with Gellchom's earlier post that saying I'm sorry is
more to mitigate a bit of embarrassment. It's awkward for most
people when they realize they have crossed someone's boundary.
It happened recently to me - I inadvertently cut into a line not
noticing the little sign directing where it started. A store
employee tapped me on the shoulder and said "I'm sorry - the
line actually starts back there". Nobody in line had said
anything.
It wasn't an apology - but at least she treated me as though she
assumed I had made a mistake rather than being obnoxious and
entitled. I think the "I'm sorry" does that - gives people a
little grace and the benefit of the doubt.
I suppose it's possible to overdo it, coming off as meek or
apologizing for having boundaries but I really think most people
aren't so literal minded that they don't know the difference
between a common social convention and a genuine apology for a
wrong.
#Post#: 65125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: jpcher Date: April 1, 2021, 3:12 pm
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[quote author=MOM21SON link=topic=2017.msg64886#msg64886
date=1616712246]
That year I was diagnosed with oral cancer. Treatment almost
killed me. I don't wish to have any smoking on our property.
How do I convey that>
[/quote]
Getting off of the "I'm sorry" discussion . . . I think that a
simple "Please do not smoke on my property" fits the bill.
please
verb
1. cause to feel happy and satisfied.
"he arranged a fishing trip to please his son"
2. take only one's own wishes into consideration in deciding how
to act or proceed.
"this is the first time in ages that I can just please myself"
adverb
used in polite requests or questions.
"please address letters to the Editor"
Bold in the definition above -- you are requesting, in a polite
manner, that people not smoke on your property.
I think that you could even post a small sign on your door
stating your 'please' request.
Any close friends of yours would know what you've been through
this past year and they will comply (they should know already).
Any (polite ;)) new friends that are smokers should comply as
well without question.
I am a smoker and I willingly comply with any rules/standards
(be it smoking or removing my shoes or whatever) that the host
requires.
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