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#Post#: 64886--------------------------------------------------
Guests and smoking
By: MOM21SON Date: March 25, 2021, 5:44 pm
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That year I was diagnosed with oral cancer. Treatment almost
killed me. I don't wish to have any smoking on our property.
How do I convey that>
#Post#: 64887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: baritone108 Date: March 25, 2021, 5:52 pm
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Most people will ask if you mind first. I just say, "I'm sorry,
I don't allow any smoking on my property." You shouldn't have
to elaborate but might want to if they counter with< "How about
if I step outside?" and you still want don't want them to smoke.
I wouldn't go into great detail.
#Post#: 64888--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: STiG Date: March 25, 2021, 6:54 pm
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I disagree; most people will assume they can smoke outside the
home. If the host is a smoker, they're more likely to ask if
they can smoke indoors. If you don't want them smoking on your
property at all, I do think you need to tell them up front.
I have a designated smoking area on my property whenever I have
guests who smoke over, which changes on whether or not I'll be
outside or inside. If I'm outside, it is a section of the yard
that is significantly downwind from where I'll be so that I'm
not exposed.
I would just add to any invitation 'Please note, I do not (or no
longer) allow people smoke on my property.' If the guests all
know what you've been through, you could add, 'due to my recent
health issues', but I don't think it is necessary.
#Post#: 64891--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Aleko Date: March 26, 2021, 3:49 am
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MOM21SON, you don’t say whether your property includes an
out-of-doors and if so, (a) how big it is and (b) if you
literally mean you can’t have anyone smoking on any part of it
at all. That affects how you need to word it, because when
visiting any house with a decent-sized garden, smoker guests
will tend to assume that if they go right down to the bottom of
the garden for their ciggy that will be OK. If you can’t have
them smoking in any part of the garden nor in the street outside
your front door, be specific.
Personally I think it’s better to say ‘I can’t allow’ than ‘I
don’t allow’. Leaves less scope for argument. And if anyone is
rude enough to say ‘Why can’t you?’ I’d suggest a long hard
Paddington stare, before repeating.
#Post#: 64895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: oogyda Date: March 26, 2021, 7:16 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2017.msg64891#msg64891
date=1616748564]
Personally I think it’s better to say ‘I can’t allow’ than ‘I
don’t allow’. Leaves less scope for argument. And if anyone is
rude enough to say ‘Why can’t you?’ I’d suggest a long hard
Paddington stare, before repeating.
[/quote]
I think saying "I don't allow" leaves less room for argument
since it is clear it is your decision rather than something
forced upon you and your guests.
#Post#: 64901--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: STiG Date: March 26, 2021, 8:00 am
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Something else to consider: I don't know about you but the
smell from people who have recently smoked and the third hand
smoke from their clothes really bother me. So if you tell
people they can't smoke on your property, they are liable to
furiously smoke a cigarette in their car before they get out to
come to your door. You'll end up with a strong stale smoke
smell from both their breathing out and from their clothes. I
haven't gotten so bad as to ban smokers completely but it may
come to that. Right now, I really can't. A number of Dad's
caregivers smoke and I don't think we could get all the visits
we're getting if I requested non-smokers.
#Post#: 64903--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Hmmm Date: March 26, 2021, 8:24 am
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Who are the people who may want to smoke on your property? Is it
family and friends who have been allowed to smoke when visiting
previously? If so, I think you are going to need to make then
aware of your change in rules when you invite. A "I'm sorry to
say that since my illness, the smell of any smoke really bothers
me and we are no longer allowing smoking on the property. I just
wanted you to be aware before you arrive and be surprised."
If it is new people, then when they ask where they can smoke,
you'll need to tell them that you are sorry but you can't have
smoking on the property.
You will want to be aware that some guests will disappear and
they want stay for long. When our kids were under 13 or so, a
family member didn't want them to see him smoking so he'd "need
to run a quick errand" or make a phone call and get in his car
and drive down the street for a ways. It was a bit irritating to
me because I'd rather he just stayed out on the driveway instead
of coming back in smelling more of smoke from being in his car.
A friend of my MIL's is a pretty heavy smoker and goes outside
to smoke but she only stays anywhere she can't smoke in doors
for an hour or so.
#Post#: 64906--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: sandisadie Date: March 26, 2021, 11:12 am
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We have a smoker in our household who has to go outside to
smoke. Sometimes I just want to make him go into the street
instead of standing near the open garage door. That usually
makes the garage smell really bad. I try not to get near him
right after he comes back in because everything about him
stinks.
When we have people over we just announce that we have a "no
smoking" home but they can go away from the house to smoke. We
haven't had any problem with that. I think that's because most
people know that most people now-a-days don't smoke.
#Post#: 64909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: oogyda Date: March 26, 2021, 12:26 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2017.msg64903#msg64903
date=1616765054]
Who are the people who may want to smoke on your property? Is it
family and friends who have been allowed to smoke when visiting
previously? If so, I think you are going to need to make then
aware of your change in rules when you invite. A "I'm sorry to
say that since my illness, the smell of any smoke really bothers
me and we are no longer allowing smoking on the property. I just
wanted you to be aware before you arrive and be surprised."
If it is new people, then when they ask where they can smoke,
you'll need to tell them that you are sorry but you can't have
smoking on the property.
You will want to be aware that some guests will disappear and
they want stay for long. When our kids were under 13 or so, a
family member didn't want them to see him smoking so he'd "need
to run a quick errand" or make a phone call and get in his car
and drive down the street for a ways. It was a bit irritating to
me because I'd rather he just stayed out on the driveway instead
of coming back in smelling more of smoke from being in his car.
A friend of my MIL's is a pretty heavy smoker and goes outside
to smoke but she only stays anywhere she can't smoke in doors
for an hour or so.
[/quote]
Why do we have to be apologetic for having boundaries in our own
space?!!
#Post#: 64910--------------------------------------------------
Re: Guests and smoking
By: Aleko Date: March 26, 2021, 12:38 pm
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[quote]Why do we have to be apologetic for having boundaries in
our own space?!! [/quote]
I don't think saying 'I'm sorry but . . .' is apologetic,
exactly. Of course we would all like the hospitality we have to
offer to be completely consonant with our guests' preferences,
and it's always a pity when this can't be so. To me, that's all
Hmm's wording is saying - that she's not setting this boundary
out of cussedness or lack of desire to be welcoming, but she is
setting it.
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