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#Post#: 64787--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: Hmmm Date: March 23, 2021, 9:32 am
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My husband and I met a new couple and have done a couple of get
togethers at outdoor venues over the last month. The first time
we planned to meet we hit completely unexpected traffic on a
Saturday afternoon, but shouldn't have been an issue because we
had built in an additional 10 min for the 20 min drive. But once
we exited the interstate, a construction crew had closed down
the street right in front of us and we had to sit for another 5
minutes and then we got re-routed and parking was a nightmare so
we ended up about 10 min late to the table. We were texting to
let them know and they said they had been right in front before
the close down.
Then the next time we were to meet them, we stopped for lunch
and our waitress disappeared taking forever for us to close out
our tab. As we were driving to meet them I knew we'd be about 5
min late and I told DH that they would now forever think of us
as always being late since we were for the first two events.
I really hate being late to anything.
#Post#: 65708--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: Gellchom Date: April 18, 2021, 4:47 am
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A few years ago, I realized that I was often a little late, and
I learned that keeping people waiting is inconsiderate and
controlling. Some people even use it as a power play. Often,
it was because I was doing exactly what some of you described:
planning around optimal travel time, not likely travel time.
I decided I was going to try never to keep people waiting,
which usually meant trying to be a bit early. To train myself,
if I were more than ten minutes late, unless of course it was
something truly unavoidable and unpredictable, I fined myself
$10! The other person never wanted to accept it, but I told
them just to give it to charity. I am proud to report that it’s
been years since I had to do that. I no longer keep people
waiting, and as a bonus I no longer have the anxiety that comes
with running late.
My husband still likes to leave when there’s exactly enough time
to arrive on time, which of course means we often leave people
waiting. We’re working on it! I will agree to leave on his
schedule when we aren’t meeting someone if he will agree to
being a couple of minutes early when we are.
I wonder if the OP’s anger at their friend isn’t a bit of
projection, while the OP is commendably recognizing their own
bad habit and working on it. It could feel to them like the
friend is somehow commenting on their lateness by being super
early, although I strongly doubt that’s the case; I agree it’s
more likely that’s just her habit or it just suited her schedule
that day. Like when you order dessert, and your skinny friend
just has coffee! :) That’s not such a good analogy, but I
think we can all relate to that feeling of sometimes resenting
others when it’s really about feeling a little guilty about
ourselves. As you wrote, OP:
[quote]Although it's not her fault, because I am trying so hard
not to be late and she is always there waiting (meaning already
seated) when I get there it does tend to make me feel like I am
late even when I'm not. (I heard you, my problem.)[/quote]
But you’re doing great! You’ve recognized your habit, you’ve
acknowledged that it’s rude, and you’ve decided to change that
about yourself. I did it; I know you can, too. Good luck!
#Post#: 65711--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: VorFemme Date: April 18, 2021, 9:13 am
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My husband is another one of those people who plan for optimal
travel time - and gets into the shower later than he should. I
am ready to go an hour early - just so he can't claim that I was
in his way in the bathroom. I might need to touch up my
lipstick...or more recently, grab a mask if there isn't one in
my purse.
We were on our way to a show in Branson, MO last night - left
the resort at the last possible moment, got caught up in traffic
a mile or so from the theater...and took off on shortcuts
(Android phone app), until we finally got there on the second
shortcut...only ten minutes "late" - but since we had to find a
parking space, pick up tickets, take a quick pit stop before the
show started, check if we were getting snacks - and there was a
line at every one of those except the bathroom....it took up a
bit more of the "spare time" than he'd planned on!
His POV was that he didn't have to sit & wait. My POV was that I
was navigating the shortcuts, reminding him that there might be
traffic, and then had to calm DOWN to enjoy the music....
#Post#: 65770--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: kckgirl Date: April 19, 2021, 7:39 pm
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[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=2011.msg65711#msg65711
date=1618755222]
We were on our way to a show in Branson, MO last night - left
the resort at the last possible moment, got caught up in traffic
a mile or so from the theater...and took off on shortcuts
(Android phone app), until we finally got there on the second
shortcut...only ten minutes "late" - but since we had to find a
parking space, pick up tickets, take a quick pit stop before the
show started, check if we were getting snacks - and there was a
line at every one of those except the bathroom....it took up a
bit more of the "spare time" than he'd planned on!
[/quote]
This would have driven me completely crazy!
#Post#: 65792--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: VorFemme Date: April 20, 2021, 9:58 am
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=2011.msg65770#msg65770
date=1618879144]
[quote author=VorFemme link=topic=2011.msg65711#msg65711
date=1618755222]
We were on our way to a show in Branson, MO last night - left
the resort at the last possible moment, got caught up in traffic
a mile or so from the theater...and took off on shortcuts
(Android phone app), until we finally got there on the second
shortcut...only ten minutes "late" - but since we had to find a
parking space, pick up tickets, take a quick pit stop before the
show started, check if we were getting snacks - and there was a
line at every one of those except the bathroom....it took up a
bit more of the "spare time" than he'd planned on!
[/quote]
This would have driven me completely crazy!
[/quote]
It drives me crazy - but letting him notice puts him on the
defensive and having him spend the trip asking for directions on
the GPS or phone app while he "esplains" to me (much like Ricky
to Lucy) that it isn't his fault, he didn't KNOW that it would
be like this any of the times that he put off leaving until the
last minute...drives both of us crazier. So, I deal with it.
It used to be possible to set the clocks a couple of minutes
early and do the same thing to his watch (I have smaller hands
and an easier time setting wrist watches). That doesn't work
with cell phones and a smart watch. You can't tell them to show
the wrong time to get someone moving a little faster...
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