DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 64593--------------------------------------------------
Is it rude to be too early?
By: baritone108 Date: March 18, 2021, 5:12 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think it is rude to be a little early for some things
but I'm wondering if at some point being early crosses the line
into being rude.
A friend at I often meet for lunch or dinner at various
restaurants. I often have a tendency to be a few minutes late
(a problem, I know) and she is always there, usually reading a
book. I apologize and she never says anything about it. If I
am right on time or a few minutes early myself, she is still
there reading. That tends to make me feel guilty but I don't
apologize. So ... yesterday we were meeting for lunch.
Something delayed me and I realized about an hour before we were
to meet that I would be about 15 minutes late. Since we
wouldn't have left yet I called to explain and ask her if we
could bump our meeting time. She told me she was just pulling
into the restaurant parking lot (45 minutes early). I was so
shocked at first I started checking my watch and clocks to see
if I had somehow screwed up due to DST. Then I just said that
we weren't supposed to meet for another 45 minutes and I was
going to be late. She said she'd wait. It made me kind of
angry that she was arriving so early that I'd feel like I was
late no matter when I arrived.
So, what do you think? I'm making no excuses for lateness
(which is rude in itself) but do you think it is rude to arrive
that early for a social engagement?
#Post#: 64595--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: Hmmm Date: March 18, 2021, 5:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think she is rude to arrive at times that are suitable
for her. It could just be that she enjoys sitting and reading
quietly. Other people have anxiety about being late so do plan
a huge amount of cushion in their travel times. At least now you
know why she is always there even if you show up 10 minutes
early to a lunch date.
As long as you normally arrive within 5 minutes of the expected
time, I don't think you should feel like you are late.
For yesterday, I think you just needed to apologize for having
to push your planned meeting time by 15 minutes.
#Post#: 64596--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: Rose Red Date: March 18, 2021, 6:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think she's rude being early to public places as long as
she's not hounding you to be there early too. She has her own
reasons. You're fine and not the one keeping her waiting as long
as you're on time.
Showing up early to a private home or a place that needs to set
up (like a wedding venue) is rude, but that's not the case here.
Although I hope she orders a drink or soup or something if she's
taking up a table for an hour.
#Post#: 64599--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: STiG Date: March 18, 2021, 8:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
If attending someone's home, being more than 5 minutes early is
rude, as the host(ess) may be running around, doing last minute
things.
For a meet-up in a restaurant, it isn't rude to be early, as
long as one doesn't eat before your companion arrives. It might
be rude to the server if one doesn't order at least a beverage
and/or an appetizer, though. And as long as they don't comment
on your 'lateness'.
I *hate* to be late so I am likely to be early to any function.
But I bring a book or my phone or my knitting and keep myself
busy until it's within 5 minutes of the meeting time. I don't
expect any companion to be early but anything over 5-10 minutes
late, I expect a text to let me know - before I would be
entering a restaurant - so I can decide whether to continue to
stay in the car or go in and ask for a table and have a drink
while waiting. If I'm coming to friend's house and I know they
don't mind, I will head in when I arrive and ask to be put to
work. I'm usually coming from a distance so it's hard to know
how much time to allow.
#Post#: 64606--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: NewHomeowner Date: March 19, 2021, 5:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=STiG link=topic=2011.msg64599#msg64599
date=1616118364]
If attending someone's home, being more than 5 minutes early is
rude, as the host(ess) may be running around, doing last minute
things.
For a meet-up in a restaurant, it isn't rude to be early, as
long as one doesn't eat before your companion arrives. It might
be rude to the server if one doesn't order at least a beverage
and/or an appetizer, though. And as long as they don't comment
on your 'lateness'.
I *hate* to be late so I am likely to be early to any function.
But I bring a book or my phone or my knitting and keep myself
busy until it's within 5 minutes of the meeting time. I don't
expect any companion to be early but anything over 5-10 minutes
late, I expect a text to let me know - before I would be
entering a restaurant - so I can decide whether to continue to
stay in the car or go in and ask for a table and have a drink
while waiting. If I'm coming to friend's house and I know they
don't mind, I will head in when I arrive and ask to be put to
work. I'm usually coming from a distance so it's hard to know
how much time to allow.
[/quote]
If the weather's nice enough, I'm happy to read a book in my car
so I don't take up a table in the restaurant.
I live in the Washington DC metro area, so the traffic is
sometimes very extreme. I always build in a large buffer of
time when traveling, because of that. And I always carry a book
with me. On top of that, I get really anxious when I'm going
to be even one minute late, so that buffer automatically doubles
in my brain.
Just last week, I showed up a full hour early to my vaccine
appointment, because I wasn't sure of the traffic or the lines
at the vaccine place. I sat in my car for half an hour, having a
good read and people-watching. It turned out to be an
interesting wait - the car who parked next to me had hit someone
else's car on his way in, so after he left for his appointment,
a whole mess of police cars and police people gathered right
next to my car. The guy, when he was found, just handed over
his information calmly, so it didn't get more exciting than
that.
#Post#: 64607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: oogyda Date: March 19, 2021, 6:36 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You didn't say in your post if there was any indication that she
was annoyed at your request to push back the meeting. You did
comment that she never says anything about your being a few
minutes late. It doesn't sound like she's upset about waiting.
I think your anger is misplaced.
#Post#: 64609--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: lowspark Date: March 19, 2021, 8:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Agree with what has already been said. She is getting there on
her own schedule. I sort of imagined her sitting at the
entrance/lobby/waiting area of the restaurant and reading until
you arrived. She must have her reasons for getting to places so
early - I would ask her!
It seems to me that her habit of getting there so early is
probably what keeps her from being annoyed when you are late.
She is planning to sit and read for a time, so if she's reading
for an hour instead of 45 minutes, that's ok with her.
I don't think you need to be angry and I don't think you need to
feel like you are late no matter when you arrive. If you get
there within a few minutes of the scheduled time, you're not
late, regardless of when she gets there.
Maybe think of it this way. If you get there on time and she
gets there late, that doesn't make you early, right? So by the
same token, if you get there on time and she gets there early,
that doesn't make you late.
#Post#: 64610--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: BeagleMommy Date: March 19, 2021, 8:27 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I tend to be early to things because I hate being late by more
than 5 minutes. When we lived in the DC Metro area we got used
to leaving earlier than necessary since you could never tell
what would happen with big city traffic.
If your friend is not upset with you being late I wouldn't worry
about it.
Now, if she showed up to your house for dinner an hour earlier
than you were expecting her and expected you to drop everything
to entertain her, that would be rude.
My mom always shows up to my house an hour before she's
expected, but she comes to help me set up.
#Post#: 64622--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: TootsNYC Date: March 19, 2021, 12:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I can also see her saying, "What else am I going to do with the
extra 45 minutes between when I leave work and when we're going
to meet? I can't go home--there's not enough time, and why would
I anyway, to just turn around and go back. I don't want to shop.
I'll just sit and read."
Maybe she should have refrained from telling you where she was.
That might not be completely gracious. It is a little rude, I
think, to expect people to be early. Calling someone 15 minutes
before they were due to arrive to say, "where are you?" is just
as disrespectful as being late--maybe more, actually.
But wow, she was already early, and hadn't intended to make
that known, so I don't think it's that bad.
#Post#: 64623--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it rude to be too early?
By: Jem Date: March 19, 2021, 12:38 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=2011.msg64622#msg64622
date=1616174762]
It is a little rude, I think, to expect people to be early.
Calling someone 15 minutes before they were due to arrive to
say, "where are you?" is just as disrespectful as being
late--maybe more, actually.
[/quote]
I am not sure if you are saying this in the context of this
scenario? Because I read it as the friend did not expect the OP
to be early, and that it was the OP who called the friend to say
she would be late (not the friend who called asking "where are
you?").
I agree with the other posters though. In a public place, arrive
as early as you want! To a private home or event, arrive on
time. I absolutely hate when people are late. I find it to be
extremely rude. I always build in time so that I am not late. I
often have time to kill before meeting someone, but I don't want
to convey to my friends/family/colleagues that I don't value
them or their time so it is very important to me to not be late.
I don't think the friend in the OP was rude at all, but I do
think the OP is rude* for arriving late, especially when she
knows this is a habit of hers.
*not saying the OP is a bad person or anything, just that being
late is rude, in my opinion.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page