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#Post#: 63839--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: Hmmm Date: February 22, 2021, 9:02 am
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I agree that it is fine to not commit to the more casual events
that far ahead. If a friend suggested in Feb that we schedule a
coffee get together in April, I'd probably respond that I would
"pencil it in and confirm by late March if that date is still
available."
For the dinner party, I would respond with "May I commit closer
to the date? That's a little fa in advance for me to confirm I
can attend."
I've known a few people who feel like it is best to "just get it
on the calendar" and modify the date or timing as necessary.
#Post#: 63848--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: bopper Date: February 22, 2021, 10:19 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1992.msg63783#msg63783
date=1613801118]
2. Sometimes in the interim, I an invited to another event for
the same date (which is often one I'd much prefer to attend, or
is otherwise a more formal event). To follow my example above,
let's say on 18 February, another friend invites me to their
birthday party on 2 March... but as I've already committed to
having a coffee with Jill on that day and at that time, I have
to decline (or risk being rude by cancelling on Jill).
[/quote]
Devil's Advocate:
Does Jill do this with everyone or just you?
Did she have issues with people always telling her they had
something already planned when she tried to invite people?
#Post#: 63873--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: sms Date: February 22, 2021, 3:14 pm
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My ex MIL used to try this with holidays when we had to share
them with my family. She would ask ridiculously early about
Thanksgiving or Christmas thinking if she got to us ahead of
anyone else we couldn't say no. [emoji58]
We had to tell her ( gently! ) that we would alternate years and
that asking about Christmas in August wouldn't change that.
All that to say - it's a bit much going so far in the future
trying to guarantee someone's free for a casual event. The
Summer Olympics needs less lead time..
Nothing wrong with saying you don't know what life will exactly
be like six months from now ( work schedules could change,
family situations could change, other commitments could change )
but there will be time to squeeze in a coffee. Maybe just a
narrower time frame would work - like saying the first two weeks
of April one evening and we can pin it down then?
#Post#: 63890--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: Soop Date: February 23, 2021, 7:58 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1992.msg63783#msg63783
date=1613801118]
2. Sometimes in the interim, I an invited to another event for
the same date (which is often one I'd much prefer to attend, or
is otherwise a more formal event). To follow my example above,
let's say on 18 February, another friend invites me to their
birthday party on 2 March... but as I've already committed to
having a coffee with Jill on that day and at that time, I have
to decline (or risk being rude by cancelling on Jill). Or it
might not even be another invitation - it might be a festival
that I've love to attend, or a public lecture on a cool topic,
on that date, which was only announced a couple of weeks
beforehand. Or I might have suddenly entered a busy patch at
work, and just want to veg out at home.
[/quote]
I do not agree that choosing to not go to coffee with Jill for a
larger 'more important' event is rude. It's all about how you
communicate it. If it were me, I wouldn't be cancelling, I would
be asking for a postponement or moving to a different time on
the same day. Any adult I know, would be very understanding if I
were to go them and explain the circumstances.
Although, to be clear, I wouldn't be saying yes so far in
advance. I would say, get back to me in a month (or other time
frame). Mr S and I can rarely commit to things so far away,
because he doesn't get his schedule until a week before. Sure,
if it's a major event like a milestone birthday or wedding,
we'll say yes and he'll book it as vacation, but he wouldn't be
burning up vacation for a non-event dinner and we would have to
say, we'll let you know
#Post#: 63905--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: bopper Date: February 23, 2021, 1:33 pm
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One thing you can try is: "Jill, I don't want to commit to a
coffee now as I have found that lectures and weddings and what
not come up and i already have something scheduled with you. So
I can either say No now or I can say yes with the understanding
if another fixed event comes up we can move it to a another day
that week."
#Post#: 63911--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: lowspark Date: February 23, 2021, 2:17 pm
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Yeah, it's one thing to book a party in advance, or a similar
one-time event, but coffee or dinner? I find it kind of silly.
I, and pretty much everyone I interact with, doesn't book
anything like that more than about a week in advance, unless it
involves more than two people/social units. If it does, then
maybe 2-3 weeks tops. Any farther off than that is just too
susceptible to conflicts popping up.
Even when we do book that close to the event, things do happen.
Someone's sister decides to visit from out of town last minute
or a work event gets scheduled or whatever. The understanding in
my group of friends is that we generally forgive that kind of
reason for canceling. After all, there will be plenty of other
opportunities for casual get togethers but one-time-only type
events usually take precedence.
If I had a friend who did this, I'd probably just be up front
and say that I don't like to schedule casual meetings so far in
advance for that very reason. The I'd suggest a much sooner
date. Or, if she really wanted to plan that far ahead anyway,
I'd make it clear that the plan was soft until the date
approached.
I don't really think it's rude because of the very fact that it
is something that's super easy to reschedule and that it's
simply not SOP to schedule that kind of thing so far ahead. I
think as long as you're up front with your expectation and
explanation of why, she should understand. If she doesn't, then
you might want to just decline further out requests and always
counter with a closer date.
#Post#: 64224--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: Gellchom Date: March 6, 2021, 6:43 am
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I think you should just be honest with Jill and explain why it’s
hard for you to commit so far in advance. At the same time, you
are commendably sensitive to the problem of sounding like you
want to leave your calendar open in case something better comes
up – which, let’s be honest, is part of it, isn’t it?
It’s important to have this conversation now just to explain
your feelings, but to listen to hers. My guess is that Jill has
been frustrated by trying to plan events only to find that she
can’t find a date where none of her guests already has a
commitment, so she tried to solve it by scheduling so far down
the road that few if any will have a conflict.
I agree it is forgivable to call and ask to reschedule something
casual and easy to reschedule if something major and unshiftable
comes up, like a family event or an exam. Something like a
lecture or one night only concert or something, I think it’s OK
to ask apologetically if it’s possible to reschedule. We’ve all
been there, both as host or as guest! We just have to be sure to
not do it too often and for trivial reasons, and not wait til
the last minute. We were annoyed this week at a last-minute
cancellation for no special or unavoidable reason; I think they
just forgot and didn’t organize their day.
#Post#: 64247--------------------------------------------------
Re: Issuing invitations for very casual events months in advance
?
By: TootsNYC Date: March 7, 2021, 12:25 pm
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I've been wondering if there was some older etiquette guidance
about it being rude to schedule so far in advance.
The other thing a person can do is, if you have a sense of
something coming up, you can say:
"I want to say yes, but I know my cousin is moving in to a new
place, so I have a housewarming party to accommodate. I don't
know the exact date, but it comes first. Let's say yes for now,
and if the dates conflict, then we'll definitely get together
within a couple of weeks."
Or, you say the category: "If my job has a conference, I
might have to reschedule."
Then, if you have to cancel, it's on YOU to schedule the make-up
event.
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