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#Post#: 62686--------------------------------------------------
I've Told You the Procedure
By: BeagleMommy Date: January 15, 2021, 3:18 pm
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My mother's aunt Viola is in a skilled nursing facility the
specializes in caring for those with Alzheimer's/other forms of
dementia. Aunt Viola turned 100 this year. The residents do
not have phones in their rooms since many people with dementia
make phone calls at all hours of the night when they are
confused (some have called food delivery places or places they
think deliver food). If you call to speak with a resident, the
nurse's station will take the portable phone to the resident
then return it to the nurse's station when the conversation is
over.
My mother's cousin Bubbles does not seem to grasp this concept.
Mom has told her that when she calls the facility she needs to
call the nurse's station directly. If you call the main number
and ask to be transferred to Viola they are not able to do it.
Bubbles calls mom complaining that they won't transfer her to
Viola. Mom explains, again, the procedure. Bubbles says she
doesn't want to do that because she doesn't want the nurses
listening in on the phone call. This is because Bubble tries to
get money from every elderly relative in the family. She cries
poverty all the time but she and her husband are financially
irresponsible. They are not naïve young things either. Both
are in their mid-70s.
Bubbles also knows that mom is the executor of Viola's estate.
However, all of Viola's assets were auctioned and put into a
fund to pay for her care. Mom doesn't even take a stipend from
the estate because she feels the money should all go to Viola's
care.
The next time Bubbles calls I think mom should say "Bubbles,
you've been told the procedure if you want to talk to Viola.
You won't follow it and it's not going to change so there is
nothing else I can do for you.". Lather, rinse, repeat.
Mom thinks she should still try to explain the procedure to
Bubbles each time she calls. Is what I suggest rude?
#Post#: 62687--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: lowspark Date: January 15, 2021, 3:28 pm
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I don't think your suggestion is rude, but if your mother
doesn't mind continuing to explain it every time, well, (not to
be rude here) but why do you care? I see people doing things all
the time that I think, no way I'd do that, but hey, if they want
to, it doesn't affect me!
Personally, I'd probably just say something, like "Bummer! That
must be frustrating." I wouldn't explain it nor would I JADE in
any way. But again, your mom is going to do what she's
comfortable with.
#Post#: 62691--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: Star Wars Fan Date: January 15, 2021, 4:08 pm
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No it's not rude. I agree what you said is exactly what your
mother should be telling Bubbles (It's what I'd do). She sounds
like a rather unpleasant woman, I'm sorry you all have to deal
with her.
Ed.
#Post#: 62699--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: Hmmm Date: January 15, 2021, 5:50 pm
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No, what you suggested is not rude. I'd actually be more direct.
"You have been told you need to call the nurses station if you
want to speak with Viola. If you didn't do that, then I don't
want to hear about your complaints."
or
Mom: "Did you call the nurses station?"
Bubbles: "No"
Mom: "So what did you expect? I'm starting to think you need to
become a resident with Viola. You've been told that is the
method."
#Post#: 62701--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 15, 2021, 6:10 pm
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I have not heard a rude reply here yet. I think all of the
suggested options are good ones.
However, I think I need to learn to default to lowspark's
"Bummer! That must be frustrating." Viola seems to think that if
she whines enough that your mom will present the direct line
number (that does not exist.) Lowspark's suggestion takes the
"fixing" out of the discussion.
#Post#: 62713--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: January 16, 2021, 1:54 pm
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She could always try a different route. Leave the response on
Bubbles, instead of explaining it to her once again. This
doesn't come off as rude or dismissive.
Bubbles: I tried getting transferred to Aunties room, and they
wouldn't transfer me.
Mom: Really, why do you suppose that is?
#Post#: 62861--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: BeagleMommy Date: January 21, 2021, 11:23 am
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Update: the last time Bubbles called my mom just happened to be
out so Dad answered the phone.
Apparently, when Bubbles went into her usual whine about them
not connecting her directly with Aunt Viola, Dad stopped her in
mid-whine and said:
"We've told you what you need to do. The facility is not going
to change for you. Either call the nurse's station or stop
calling. If you're questioning how my wife handles Viola's
finances, call a lawyer. Viola doesn't have access to credit
cards, a checkbook, or any other banking information. She has
no money left and is on Medicaid in order to pay the facility.
If you don't stop calling our house about this I will block your
number. Am I clear?".
Bubbles was apparently very surprised that a woman with dementia
who has been in a long-term care facility for nearly 8 years
wouldn't have disposable income to hand out at will. ::)
We'll see if the calls stop.
#Post#: 62865--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: kckgirl Date: January 21, 2021, 11:44 am
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BeagleMommy's Dad for the win!
#Post#: 62866--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: Rose Red Date: January 21, 2021, 11:49 am
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I like your dad.
#Post#: 62874--------------------------------------------------
Re: I've Told You the Procedure
By: chigger Date: January 21, 2021, 3:11 pm
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Me, too!!
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