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#Post#: 62639--------------------------------------------------
Rides, Recording and Rights updated5/25/2021
By: Andi_3k Date: January 14, 2021, 4:59 pm
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I started this job in October and one girl is increasingly a
problem for me. She’s the most self centered person I know- and
doesn’t drive, which in my mind should be her problem alone, but
my boss seems to be very protective of her and thinks she should
be driven home every day. It’s not far, less than a mile,BUT she
either FaceTimes the whole way or records the ride- I am not
comfortable with this and think I have the right to privacy in
my own car. When I mentioned I did not like being recorded she
refused to stop and said “I have rights “ — so I’ve stopped
driving her and now my boss is angry with me.
so I am wondering how you all would feel about it? And do you
have suggestions to help with the push back from my boss?
#Post#: 62640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Isisnin Date: January 14, 2021, 6:16 pm
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Some questions:
Does anyone else drive her home?
You said .."my boss seems to ... thinks she should be driven
home every day.". Why do you think this? Did he/she say
something to you or anyone else?
How has your boss indicated to you that he/she is very angry
with you for not driving her?
How big is the company? Does your boss have a boss there? Is
there are HR dept?
#Post#: 62641--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Rose Red Date: January 14, 2021, 6:27 pm
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Your boss can drive her if they feel she should be chauffeured
every day. You have rights too and "your car, your rules."
I don't drive and it's my responsibility to figure out how to
get to work, not my coworkers. Driving her is not in your job
description (I cannot emphasize this enough).
This is what Uber/Lyft/cab/bus drivers are for.
#Post#: 62642--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: EtiquetteE Date: January 14, 2021, 6:34 pm
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Are you getting paid to drive her home? Are you still on the
"clock" when you do this? Does your company own your car and
you use it for company purposes? If not, then I have no idea
why anyone would think your car and your personal time was their
right. This would be a hard no for me.
"I'm afaraid it won't be possible for me to drive her/you home"
would be a good phrase to use in this case.
#Post#: 62643--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Andi_3k Date: January 14, 2021, 7:00 pm
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The car is not provided by work, no I am not paid to drive her
and the boss tries to arrange rides for her everyday- by this I
mean he asks in front of my department every day just before
leaving who is taking her home- when no else answers he comes to
me and pushes “ you have her, right? Right?”
No one else drives her - the boss would by she has pointedly
told me that she does not want him to.
Boss is making his anger know in that he is MUCH more critical
of me than anyone else, crappy assignments and tone of voice
when he speaks to me.
Company is about 500 but most work from home because of
COVID. We have an HR person but she is out working from home
also
#Post#: 62646--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Isisnin Date: January 14, 2021, 8:10 pm
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This is such an odd situation. I wonder why the boss has such a
fixation on having someone drive the coworker home. And why he
seems to be ok with everyone else not driving her.
Keep declining to drive her. How long has it been since you
drove her home? If it is fairly recently, it may take a bit of
time for the boss to accept that the rides are over.
But if it has been awhile and the boss is still asking you to
drive her, you should consider calling HR and explaining the
situation. They can be very effective.
#Post#: 62649--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: OnyxBird Date: January 14, 2021, 9:24 pm
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OK, this may be an unlikely possibility and doesn't in any way
excuse her being pushy about recording in your car when you
asked her to stop, but...are you sure she even wants a ride home
with you? Or could this be coming solely from the pushy boss?
You describe her as "the most self-centered person [you] know,"
so I assume that shows up in something beyond the ride
situation, but you never mentioned her asking for a ride, only
the boss asking on her behalf, and (if I read correctly) she has
specifically said she doesn't want to accept a ride from the
boss. Given that the one thing I know about your boss is that
he's super pushy with no respect for your reasonable boundaries,
I'm pretty sure I would strongly want to avoid being trapped in
his car if I were her. And while I absolutely understand your
objections to her FaceTiming/recording (and it could easily just
be someone inconsiderate and enamored with
videos/video-chatting), it also reminds me of the sort of
"safety tips" I've seen that are like "If you're walking alone
somewhere, call a friend and talk to them about what's around
you so someone knows where you are and what happened if you get
mugged and left for dead!" So it makes me wonder how much of
this is her expecting people to chauffeur her and how much is a
super-pushy, no-respect-for-boundaries boss also pressuring her
to get into a coworker's car every day regardless of her
preferences or whether she feels safe doing so.
I have been in the situation of being a non-driver who was
perfectly prepared to use public transit and walking and having
to deal with a super-pushy person who would not accept that I
neither needed or wanted a ride and would try to arrange rides
for me from other people (including people he know, but I
didn't). I was fortunate that it was not anyone with authority
over me and I could safely push back as firmly as I needed to
without worrying about repercussions, but it was still
incredibly awkward.
Regardless, you're not obligated to be her chauffeur, and it
doesn't sound like she handled it appropriately. The suggestion
of letting HR know about his pushiness (or otherwise bringing it
to the attention of someone over his head, if you think, e.g.,
his own boss would recognize how horribly inappropriate it is)
seems like a good idea to me. Including letting HR/bigger boss
know that he seems to be retaliating against you for declining
to drive her home. However, if she actually doesn't want a ride,
you might also have the option of making things easier on both
of you by sidestepping it: "You have her, right?" "Yeah, we
already made an arrangement" where the "arrangement" is that you
drive home by yourself and she heads for the bus stop/calls an
Uber/whatever.
#Post#: 62653--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Aleko Date: January 15, 2021, 2:51 am
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Another tack you could potentially take with HR is to seek their
advice on the legal and insurance ramifications for you - and
all your other colleagues - of being ordered to give someone
lifts.
It may, for example, require a change in your car insurance,
since you’re not just ‘driving to and from your
place of work’ but ‘driving as part of your work
duties’, and indeed being essentially a taxi-driver once a
day. Ask how you and your colleagues should describe this new
situation to your respective insurers, and ask your employers to
cover any extra cost. Plus, as EtiquetteE says, if this is
something you are ordered to do by your boss, you are still
‘at work’ while you do it, just as you would be if
he asked you to, say, use your car to deliver something to a
client. Don’t suggest you should be paid for the time -
that will be dismissed as money-grubbing - just ask them to
explain to you and your colleagues any legal aspects of being a
‘company driver’. All that should put the cat among
the pigeons and have them asking your boss just what the heck
he’s playing at.
As for this girl’s FaceTiming and recording when you drive
her: I agree with OnyxBird that this is surely something she
does out of discomfort, if not outright fear. (Maybe her mother
made her promise she’d always record the ride whenever she
takes a lift. Maybe she has had such a traumatic experience in a
taxi or someone else’s car that she feels an absolute need
to do so.) It certainly sounds as though she feels she’s
being forced into your car, which may be less bad from her
perspective than being in her boss’s car but still
can’t be comfortable, especially since she can hardly fail
to pick up your resentment. Could it be that what has been
coming across as self-centredness is actually defensiveness in
what may be a genuinely threatening situation - that she
actually feels under siege from the boss? Is it worth trying to
have a sympathetic conversation with her?
Edited to add: how is she getting home now? Is she making her
own way home (which may well be just what she wants), or is he
making other colleagues drive her?
#Post#: 62655--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: Lkdrymom Date: January 15, 2021, 5:42 am
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Go to HR immediately.
#Post#: 62656--------------------------------------------------
Re: Rides, Recording and Rights
By: STiG Date: January 15, 2021, 6:04 am
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Absolutely send an email to HR. I like Aleko's idea of asking
about the legal ramifications of driving someone home at your
boss' request. And if HR asks further questions, I wouldn't
hesitate to tell them that you feel your are being shat upon by
Boss because of your refusal.
And if your boss asks you directly again, 'I'm sorry, that
doesn't work for me today.' Every single time. If it is less
than a mile, she can damn well walk!
I had a coworker who didn't drive. She happily took public
transit to and from work. On days that our schedules lined up,
if I felt like it, I'd offer her a ride home. 'If you're
offering, I'm gratefully accepting', was her usual response. I
don't recall her ever asking for a ride if I didn't offer.
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