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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 61800--------------------------------------------------
In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: Hmmm Date: December 21, 2020, 12:45 pm
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In this Dear Abby column, the LW says she was invited to a
dinner hosted by one of her friends who is in her "bubble" and
the only other guests were another couple who were also in her
bubble of social interaction. She received a call from the
hostess saying that the other couple is planning to include a
3rd couple. LW said she would not attend and was very upset that
hostess did not ask first before adding additional guests.
HTML https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2020/12/21/change-in-dinner-party-guest-list
Dear Abby says the hostess does not need to ask permission and
LW needs to drop the issue.
In normal times, would agree with Dear Abby. But with current
climate it feels like a bait and switch scenario. I don't think
I would be as upset as the LW but I'm sure I'd be disappointed
about having to back out.
Do you feel the hostess should have asked the other guests
first?
#Post#: 61802--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: Nikko-chan Date: December 21, 2020, 1:17 pm
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Oh yeah. And hostess is being put in danger too. Hostess is
being way too polite about this
#Post#: 61803--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: kckgirl Date: December 21, 2020, 1:26 pm
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I think it's a good thing the hostess got in touch to say
another couple was coming. The letter writer should stay home
since she's not comfortable with the new guest list, but I think
it's way too extreme to end a friendship over this.
#Post#: 61804--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: jpcher Date: December 21, 2020, 1:36 pm
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I agree with Abby that hostess did not need to ask other guests
about who is on the invite list.
However, hostess was polite in telling other guests that extra
people would be invited. This, I believe is imperative and
allows other guests to bow out.
My SIL & BIL were in the same situation. They were invited to
friends home for a meal. This was a friend (couple) that they
had seen often enough during the pandemic and knew their safety
habits, so they felt safe enough.
Friend invited another couple and did not inform S&BIL. So S&BIL
were a bit surprised with new people that they did not know. Not
wanting to be rude, they stuck it out. Mostly wore masks but
food was involved.
A few days later Friend called S&BIL to let them know that one
of the other couple was tested positive.
Both S&BIL tested positive about a week later.
Not rude to invite whomever you want to invite to your own
dinner party.
Rude (during the pandemic) to not notify your guests that others
will be attending.
#Post#: 61807--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: oogyda Date: December 21, 2020, 4:13 pm
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Hostess has no responsibility to *ask* the LW but absolutely did
have a responsibility to inform their guests of the change. It's
fine for LW to decide not to attend given the change in COVID
circumstance.
#Post#: 61809--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: Rose Red Date: December 21, 2020, 4:55 pm
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To me, the LW seems annoyed because she's the one who introduced
Ashley to the Smiths and the "outsiders" should be uninvited
because she doesn't approve. I don't blame the LW wanting to
stay safe and I can understand her disappointment staying home,
but this is Ashley's dinner and she can invite whomever she
wants without asking for the LW's permission. The LW seems
possessive and controlling of her friends, what with losing
sleep and ending friendships.
#Post#: 61810--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: Codewoman1125 Date: December 21, 2020, 5:33 pm
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Ordinarily, I'd say it is impolite to ask who else has been
invited. However, in the age of covid19, that is a safety issue.
No host or guest should be intimidated if they feel
uncomfortable about the guest list. It is rude for someone to
invite an additional guest without first checking with the host.
#Post#: 61813--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: GardenGal Date: December 21, 2020, 5:46 pm
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[quote author=jpcher link=topic=1956.msg61804#msg61804
date=1608579386]
I agree with Abby that hostess did not need to ask other guests
about who is on the invite list.
However, hostess was polite in telling other guests that extra
people would be invited. This, I believe is imperative and
allows other guests to bow out.
My SIL & BIL were in the same situation. They were invited to
friends home for a meal. This was a friend (couple) that they
had seen often enough during the pandemic and knew their safety
habits, so they felt safe enough.
Friend invited another couple and did not inform S&BIL. So S&BIL
were a bit surprised with new people that they did not know. Not
wanting to be rude, they stuck it out. Mostly wore masks but
food was involved.
A few days later Friend called S&BIL to let them know that one
of the other couple was tested positive.
Both S&BIL tested positive about a week later.
Not rude to invite whomever you want to invite to your own
dinner party.
Rude (during the pandemic) to not notify your guests that others
will be attending.
[/quote]
I hope your S & BIL make complete and speedy recoveries and
didn't transmit it to anyone in the days before they were
tested. In the time of this deadly pandemic, safety trumps
etiquette, and under these circumstances no one should be
worried about appearing rude when the alternative is putting
their health at risk.
#Post#: 61820--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: NFPwife Date: December 21, 2020, 9:49 pm
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I see this a little differently than it's a matter of the the
hostess (Single Friend=SF) allowing another couple in her home;
SF, LW and spouse, and social bubble couple agreed to be in a
social bubble. SF has two roles here, one of hostess, but also
as a member of the social bubble. When you enter a social bubble
with others, you're all agreeing to adhere to the same
guidelines to enable socialization amongst social bubble
members.
SF burst LW's bubble, literally. There was some sort of social
contract between all of them and it's been violated. We don't
know if the social bubble couple has been seeing the add-on
couple or not, but, given how most social bubbles are meant to
operate, SF should have declined the add-on couple or at least
initiated a group discussion on the matter.
In the time of corona, one can invite whomever they choose to
their house, informing guests of who will be there is a
necessary kindness. IMO, this differs with the additional
information that they are in a social bubble; and that means
that everyone in the bubble should have to approve the expansion
(or bursting) of the bubble. LW is feeling betrayed and I can
see why.
#Post#: 61830--------------------------------------------------
Re: In the time of Corona... Hostess adds additional guests
By: STiG Date: December 22, 2020, 5:59 am
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Our bubble is huge, by necessity. There are about 15 people
regularly in my house and about half of those have additional
people in their household who do not come into my home. Cases
are about 2100 daily in the province, about 60 in the county,
about 10 in areas surrounding my home that I go to for
necessities.
I would be pissed that another couple was invited, not by the
hostess but by an additional couple and I would let the hostess
know that I would no longer be able to attend and appreciate her
letting me know.
Were I the hostess, I would let the inviting couple know that
additional guests were not welcome at this time and depending on
their response, I might cancel the dinner party and then
re-invite only the LW and her spouse.
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