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#Post#: 62405--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: January 6, 2021, 11:00 am
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Reading everyone's experiences here has been so eye opening. Not
so much that someone else might have different tastes and styles
of travel. To me, that's a given.
What is surprising is that some people do not seem able to
comprehend that someone has different tastes. Like, of course,
you are willing to go without eating lunch to shop and snack on
protein bars. And with people like this, you can tell them, but
it just doesn't register. The next day will be the same. No
lunch, and let's shop.
Not travel, but I once had a roommate for a summer who just
couldn't grasp the fact that I did not watch soaps. Never. Had
no idea what she was talking about when she referenced what
happened on her favorite. I don't know the characters you are
talking about, and certainly do not know what they did 5 years
ago which makes today's story so shocking. All summer long. It
was as if I wasn't speaking at all.
#Post#: 62412--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: NFPwife Date: January 6, 2021, 1:03 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=bopper link=topic=1955.msg62398#msg62398
date=1609946098]
I would say what you said..."Mary, as much as that sounds
awesome, based on our last trip I noticed we have very different
travelling styles so I have to say no."
What do you mean?
"Well, you like to get up early while I liked to sleep in...I
liked to have a few drinks in the evening or go to the club
while you prefer not to, etc. I don't want to mess up our
friendship by driving each other crazy on vacation."
[/quote]
I like this response so much.
#Post#: 62413--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: Aleko Date: January 6, 2021, 1:09 pm
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One time DH and I went with our reenactment group to an event in
Germany, and on the way we stopped off for a few hours in
Heidelberg. The unit who was DH’s best mate, swept DH and me off
on a tour of the historic fortifications, which were pretty
interesting. When we all rendezvoused at our minibus, another
half-dozen people said they had found a traditional Bierkeller
and spent most of their time there. Our leader was scandalised,
and moaned to DH and me about the philistines he had in his
unit, that would pass up a chance to see Heidelberg for the sake
of a few beers and a plate of Bratwurst. I said that on the
contrary, they had seen Heidelberg, just a different aspect of
it; and unlike us they had tasted it as well. But he simply
could not get his head around the notion that there is any kind
of value and interest in finding out what the local people eat
and drink, what kind of places they like to do it in, and
generally how they behave when they do. I found that remarkable.
I mean, sure, if you’re a military history geek of course you
think fortifications and battlefields are the most interesting
thing in the world; but to be incapable of seeing that other
people can legitimately be more interested in other things is
very blinkered.
#Post#: 62415--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: VorFemme Date: January 6, 2021, 1:32 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1955.msg62413#msg62413
date=1609960189]
One time DH and I went with our reenactment group to an event in
Germany, and on the way we stopped off for a few hours in
Heidelberg. The unit who was DH’s best mate, swept DH and me off
on a tour of the historic fortifications, which were pretty
interesting. When we all rendezvoused at our minibus, another
half-dozen people said they had found a traditional Bierkeller
and spent most of their time there. Our leader was scandalised,
and moaned to DH and me about the philistines he had in his
unit, that would pass up a chance to see Heidelberg for the sake
of a few beers and a plate of Bratwurst. I said that on the
contrary, they had seen Heidelberg, just a different aspect of
it; and unlike us they had tasted it as well. But he simply
could not get his head around the notion that there is any kind
of value and interest in finding out what the local people eat
and drink, what kind of places they like to do it in, and
generally how they behave when they do. I found that remarkable.
I mean, sure, if you’re a military history geek of course you
think fortifications and battlefields are the most interesting
thing in the world; but to be incapable of seeing that other
people can legitimately be more interested in other things is
very blinkered.
[/quote]
DH is all about the military history.
I want to see how they lived - weaving demonstrations, cooking
demonstrations, and all that are my thing.
I can understand wanting to know the available tools & weapons
(they are also useful in farming, hunting, and other activities)
but life is lived between battles, too.
#Post#: 62420--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: QueenFaninCA Date: January 6, 2021, 2:48 pm
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg61758#msg61758
date=1608472550]
I didn't say anything at the time, as I didn't want to hurt
Mary's feelings,
[/quote]
I am wondering if that's part of your problem now. It sounds
like you were much more miserable during the trip than Mary. You
avoided hurting her feelings while she kept waltzing right
across yours. She might never ever have realized that you didn't
enjoy the trip.
#Post#: 62436--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: January 7, 2021, 5:35 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=1955.msg62420#msg62420
date=1609966102]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg61758#msg61758
date=1608472550]
I didn't say anything at the time, as I didn't want to hurt
Mary's feelings,
[/quote]
I am wondering if that's part of your problem now. It sounds
like you were much more miserable during the trip than Mary. You
avoided hurting her feelings while she kept waltzing right
across yours. She might never ever have realized that you didn't
enjoy the trip.
[/quote]
Oh, Mary definitely didn't notice! In fairness to her, I didn't
really say anything at the time because the trip was only for
three days, and I figured it wasn't worth the hassle.
#Post#: 62443--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 7, 2021, 9:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg62436#msg62436
date=1610019320]
[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=1955.msg62420#msg62420
date=1609966102]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg61758#msg61758
date=1608472550]
I didn't say anything at the time, as I didn't want to hurt
Mary's feelings,
[/quote]
I am wondering if that's part of your problem now. It sounds
like you were much more miserable during the trip than Mary. You
avoided hurting her feelings while she kept waltzing right
across yours. She might never ever have realized that you didn't
enjoy the trip.
[/quote]
Oh, Mary definitely didn't notice! In fairness to her, I didn't
really say anything at the time because the trip was only for
three days, and I figured it wasn't worth the hassle.
[/quote]
I would have done the same as you. It would have taken me the
first day to even realize that I wasn't enjoying myself. And
then I would make excuses, "Maybe she's cranky from the travel
(or maybe I am!)" By the time I acknowledge that there is a
problem, the trip would basically be over and I figure why
implode the situation and potentially make it worse.
#Post#: 62453--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: QueenFaninCA Date: January 7, 2021, 12:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg62436#msg62436
date=1610019320]
[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=1955.msg62420#msg62420
date=1609966102]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1955.msg61758#msg61758
date=1608472550]
I didn't say anything at the time, as I didn't want to hurt
Mary's feelings,
[/quote]
I am wondering if that's part of your problem now. It sounds
like you were much more miserable during the trip than Mary. You
avoided hurting her feelings while she kept waltzing right
across yours. She might never ever have realized that you didn't
enjoy the trip.
[/quote]
Oh, Mary definitely didn't notice! In fairness to her, I didn't
really say anything at the time because the trip was only for
three days, and I figured it wasn't worth the hassle.
[/quote]
Then perhaps now is the time to tell her (gently) that you
didn't enjoy the trip because you had to do A, B and C which you
didn't enjoy and could not do D, E and F which you wanted to do
and would have enjoyed.
#Post#: 62463--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: TeamBhakta Date: January 7, 2021, 11:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Your safest bet would be "Gosh, Mary, I'll have to pass. I've
noticed that the older I get, the more set I am in my vacation
routine. I'm starting to really enjoy just 'getting lost' in a
new cities by myself, not having to change my itinerary and
dining plans for my kids / partner / tour group. But anyway, I'm
sure you'll have a blast on your trip to Smallville. Be sure to
enjoy a [whatever famous touristy thing] while you're there;
I'll be so jealous! Anyway, gotta go now!"
#Post#: 62935--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to tell a friend I don't want to travel with them?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: January 22, 2021, 11:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1955.msg62405#msg62405
date=1609952436]
Reading everyone's experiences here has been so eye opening. Not
so much that someone else might have different tastes and styles
of travel. To me, that's a given.
What is surprising is that some people do not seem able to
comprehend that someone has different tastes. Like, of course,
you are willing to go without eating lunch to shop and snack on
protein bars. And with people like this, you can tell them, but
it just doesn't register. The next day will be the same. No
lunch, and let's shop.
Not travel, but I once had a roommate for a summer who just
couldn't grasp the fact that I did not watch soaps. Never. Had
no idea what she was talking about when she referenced what
happened on her favorite. I don't know the characters you are
talking about, and certainly do not know what they did 5 years
ago which makes today's story so shocking. All summer long. It
was as if I wasn't speaking at all.
[/quote]
It's funny isn't it? My friend Mary has a lengthy morning
routine. Long shower, washing her hair, blow-drying her hair,
applying make-up, etc. My morning routine is pretty quick. I
have my shower the night before, so all I need to do is roll out
of bed and chuck on my clothes, drag a comb through my hair (I
don't really wear make-up).
But Mary cannot comprehend that some people have morning
routines that take less than one hour. On our last trip, we had
to meet downstairs in the hotel lobby for a group tour at 9am.
The night before, Mary announced that she was setting her alarm
for 6am. That would allow her to use the bathroom from 6am-7am,
me to use the bathroom from 7am-8am, then we could go downstairs
and have a leisurely breakfast downstairs in the hotel from
8am-9am before meeting our group tour.
I basically chuckled, and told her there was no need for all
that! I told Mary I was intending to sleep in til 8.30am, which
would be sufficient time for me to get ready and have a quick
bowl of cereal from the breakfast buffet.
Her reaction was basically to stare at me as if I had two heads.
The next morning, I was woken up at 6am by Mary's alarm. I heard
her clattering around in the bathroom, then after awhile, I
managed to drift back to sleep. She woke me up at 7am.
"LifeOnPluto, the bathroom's all yours." I mumbled something
(like "Too early! Gonna sleep for a bit longer"). This time, it
took me longer to fall asleep again. Then Mary woke me up again
at 8am. "LifeOnPluto, I'm heading down to breakfast now." I
managed to fall back asleep for a third time, then she woke me
up again 5 minutes later by returning to the room for something
she'd forgotten (her phone or something). By that stage, I was
wide awake, and couldn't get back to sleep. Really put me in an
annoyed mood for that rest of that morning!
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