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#Post#: 61508--------------------------------------------------
Cousin Holiday Drama
By: BeagleMommy Date: December 14, 2020, 10:35 am
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Background: my cousin Kate lives close to me, as do her parents
(my mother's older brother and SIL). Her 20-year-old son came
down with coronavirus but fortunately didn't need to be
hospitalized. He's about a week post quarantine. My aunt and
uncle are both nearing 80 and neither are in the best of health.
Kate's younger brother Ron lives about 70 miles south of us.
His wife and her family are not very cautious about the
preventive procedures for COVID. They go to a lot of gatherings
with large groups of people and don't always wear masks or
social distance.
They normally go to my aunt and uncle's place for Christmas Eve
dinner. End BG.
This year, Ron's 18-year-old daughter was invited to Hawaii with
her college roommate. They were going to stay a few days in
California with roommate's family before flying to Hawaii. They
are returning to Pennsylvania tomorrow. She does not plan to
quarantine upon her return.
Kate is furious. She has asked her parents to insist that Ron
and his family stay home for Christmas. When she asked Ron, he
told her "would you stop your son from going if he had been
invited to Hawaii?" and that they were still planning to come to
Christmas dinner. Her response was that she would hope her son
had enough sense not to go.
Kate has told her parents that if Ron and his family are there
she and her family will stay home. Ron is now upset and
threatening to stay home if Kate is there.
My aunt and uncle don't know what to do. No matter who they ask
to stay away someone will be upset.
Who is being rude, Kate or Ron? Wouldn't this be a "safety
trumps etiquette" situation?
Personally, I think aunt and uncle should say "both of you stay
home. I'm not going to put us at risk, and I'm not going to
contribute to this argument".
#Post#: 61517--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: SureJan Date: December 14, 2020, 12:39 pm
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Kate should just stay home. Her parents aren’t willing to stand
up to her brother and HE isn’t willing to take basic precautions
to keep the rest of the family safe so IMO it’s just not even
worth arguing over.
Better to know she’s “right” and safe than to go and risk
getting sick.
#Post#: 61519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: sandisadie Date: December 14, 2020, 1:05 pm
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I think the aunt and uncle should ask everyone to stay away this
year.
#Post#: 61520--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: bopper Date: December 14, 2020, 1:17 pm
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In an ideal world:
The parents should not have people possibly exposed (e.g., gone
to Hawaii) over in their house.
If Kate & family have been quarantining, they could go.
Ron's family should not go.
Kate should say: Mom, Dad, I don't want to be exposed to
possible Covid from someone who has travelled on an airplane
recently. So if Ron's family are going to visit you, then we
will stay home this year. If they are not, then we can come.
Please let me know by Dec 20 so I can make plans.
#Post#: 61524--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: Rose Red Date: December 14, 2020, 1:33 pm
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If I were the parents, I'd tell them all to stay home because
I'm not risking myself just to make them Christmas dinner.
If your aunt and uncle won't stand up for themselves or want to
get in the middle, let the children fight it out for themselves.
I'm afraid you can't force your aunt and uncle to do anything,
but you can remind them they are in a high risk group. Remind
them it's better to miss one Christmas and have many more in
years to come. Then let the chips fall where they may.
#Post#: 61525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: Hmmm Date: December 14, 2020, 2:16 pm
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I feel that Ron is more culpable from a moral violation. He
should not be wanting to expose his parents. From an etiquette
stand point, he was extended an invitation and accepted it.
For me, the first etiquette violation started with the
grandparents.
As the hosts, the aunt and uncle should put the welfare of their
guests first, even if they won't do that for their own health.
IMHO, I do not think they should have extended an invitation to
their son and his family knowing their granddaughter has a
higher possibility of exposure.
But since it does not sound like they are willing to exclude a
portion of the family, then once they did the invitations, it
was up to Kate to decide if she wanted to join. And knowing the
risk she should have just declined on the grounds she was not
comfortable being around her niece who had recently traveled.
Kate should not have called and tried to control the invitation
list.
#Post#: 61527--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: lowspark Date: December 14, 2020, 2:23 pm
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Are your aunt and uncle really ok with inviting the Hawaii
traveler into their home? If so, then you know where they stand
as far as their own safety is concerned.
But let's throw out the Hawaii aspect of this for a minute. I
think it's at least as important that Ron's family goes to a lot
of gatherings with large groups of people and don't always wear
masks or social distance. To be honest, this alone would make my
decision. I don't want to be indoors with people who do this.
Everyone has to figure out their own level of comfort in this
pandemic. I know some who take almost no precautions. I choose
not to put myself in social situations with them. So really,
Hawaii or not, I wouldn't be hanging around with Ron & family.
What are Aunt and Uncle to do? They should invite everyone whom
they feel comfortable hosting in their house, and not invite
anyone they don't feel comfortable having. Then, they should
treat their kids like they are adults, which they are, and
figure they'll make their own decisions about coming or not.
I really don't think there's much else they can do.
#Post#: 61528--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: lowspark Date: December 14, 2020, 2:25 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1952.msg61525#msg61525
date=1607976972]
Kate should not have called and tried to control the invitation
list.
[/quote]
Agree. She should either go or decline, according to her own
comfort, not tell her parents whom they can or can't invite.
#Post#: 61530--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: Jem Date: December 14, 2020, 3:01 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1952.msg61528#msg61528
date=1607977534]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1952.msg61525#msg61525
date=1607976972]
Kate should not have called and tried to control the invitation
list.
[/quote]
Agree. She should either go or decline, according to her own
comfort, not tell her parents whom they can or can't invite.
[/quote]
Me three! While many people believe "stay home this year so you
will be around in years to come," others are willing to risk
possible exposure because they think this may be their last ____
and they want to be surrounded by loved ones. I know of people
who (say that they take) all precautions and have been isolating
since March who have tested positive, and there are a lot of
people who do everything "wrong" and have not.
#Post#: 61538--------------------------------------------------
Re: Cousin Holiday Drama
By: kckgirl Date: December 14, 2020, 6:17 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=1952.msg61528#msg61528
date=1607977534]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1952.msg61525#msg61525
date=1607976972]
Kate should not have called and tried to control the invitation
list.
[/quote]
Agree. She should either go or decline, according to her own
comfort, not tell her parents whom they can or can't invite.
[/quote]
I agree with this.
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