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#Post#: 61250--------------------------------------------------
But I called Dibs!
By: jpcher Date: December 9, 2020, 3:57 pm
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Okay Grumpy-B here again. This is about Christmas and visiting
my mother's home. It was planned many months ago that DD#1 and
BFsam will be flying here for xmas and we will spend a few days
with my mother.
My mother has recently built a small apartment using my father's
workshop space. It is really nice and I called dibs . . . I
wanted to sleep in that apartment during our xmas stay.
Reasons being:
1: I thought it would be really cool to have my own space to use
a bathroom/shower instead of a single bathroom shared by many
(quick, hurry up, are you done yet?)
2: My normal over night stay bedroom is on the second floor. I
wake up at least twice a night to go to the bathroom. The stairs
are creaky. Every time I stay there I feel like I'm waking up
the whole house with the noise whenever I go downstairs.
3: And this is my own problem that I need to work on. I'm
starting to get scared of stairs due to COVID and my not working
my legs as well as I should. Whenever I go down to my own
basement I have a fear of falling. (Maybe you should disregard
this point, because I know what I have to do.)
4: My sister and her DH will be moving to my mothers place after
the holidays and they will be living in the apartment until they
build their own home on the property so I won't get a chance to
use it for I don't know how long.
5: Because I want to! (See #1) ;)
I have been told that BFsamMom will be joining us for xmas at my
mothers house. Great! They've never met before, so I am excited
that she will be with us.
During the conversation with DD#1 she said BFsamMom can have the
apartment. She said "I think she'll be more comfortable out
there."
I said "I already called dibs!" ;D
I know, I know . . . it's my mothers choice as hostess where she
places her guests.
Do you think that I can, somehow (hint, hint, nudge, nudge)
gently encourage my mother to giving me the apartment or just
graciously accept my mothers choice.
6: I don't know why this is important to me. Maybe so that I can
walk around and examine all the work that was put into that
place in private? Maybe because I want to examine her handiwork
without anybody else around? Maybe because it's a part of my
mother and a year's worth of work that she put into it so that I
can congratulate her in a more heart felt manner with details
and all that.
I'll accept whatever my mother decides, but I would appreciate
thoughts from you.
Thank you in advance.
#Post#: 61254--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: oogyda Date: December 9, 2020, 4:40 pm
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Why not just be direct? I would simply say,
"Mom, I know you are a kind and considerate hostess who will do
your best to see that all of your guests are comfortable and
happy with their accommodations. And while I know this may make
planning a little more difficult, I would like to be clear on
how much I REALLY WANT to have the workshop space.
I will go along with whatever you decide, but I wanted to be
clear."
IME, hint, hint, nudge, nudge gets one a corner in the rarely
used extra space somewhere out of the way.
#Post#: 61257--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: SureJan Date: December 9, 2020, 5:01 pm
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1941.msg61254#msg61254
date=1607553622]
Why not just be direct? I would simply say,
"Mom, I know you are a kind and considerate hostess who will do
your best to see that all of your guests are comfortable and
happy with their accommodations. And while I know this may make
planning a little more difficult, I would like to be clear on
how much I REALLY WANT to have the workshop space.
I will go along with whatever you decide, but I wanted to be
clear."
IME, hint, hint, nudge, nudge gets one a corner in the rarely
used extra space somewhere out of the way.
[/quote]
I'm usually more of a hinter (and if my hint doesn't work it's
on me because I chose not to be more direct) but in this case it
sounds like your mom has no idea you want to stay there (AND
from a hostess perspective I can see why she thought it would
make more sense to give it to the BFs mom) so I think being
direct is the best possible solution.
For what its worth, I also have my favorite "spots" to sleep
when visiting various family/friends so I totally get where
you're coming from - Good luck!
#Post#: 61260--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: Rose Red Date: December 9, 2020, 5:09 pm
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Tell your mother the reasons you want that workshop.
Tell DD1 the reasons you want the workshop. There's a spare
bedroom. It's not like Sam's mom will be on the sofa or floor.
It seems DD1 has a habit of telling instead of asking and you
just roll with it even if you're annoyed with the plan. If she's
a considerate person, she'll take into account of your wishes
once in a while too.
edited because I got the people involved confused.
#Post#: 61262--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: Nikko-chan Date: December 9, 2020, 6:25 pm
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Your reasons are very valid for wanting to stay in that
apartment. Especially the balance issues. Ask your mother if you
could possibly have the workshop space. Then leave that ball in
her court.
#Post#: 61267--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: gramma dishes Date: December 9, 2020, 8:09 pm
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What was your mother's response when you said "I already called
dibs!"?
#Post#: 61271--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: Rose Red Date: December 9, 2020, 9:31 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1941.msg61267#msg61267
date=1607566187]
What was your mother's response when you said "I already called
dibs!"?
[/quote]
The post was a bit confusing but I think it was her conversation
with DD1 that DD1 said Sam's mom will be joining them and that
she can have the apartment (told, not asked). The OP then, in
shock, told DD1 she already called dibs.
I don't know if DD1 told her grandma yet that Sam's mom will be
joining them. If not, the OP better call her mom to remind her
that she already called dibs before DD1 beats her to it.
#Post#: 61272--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: NFPwife Date: December 9, 2020, 10:05 pm
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I was going to suggest that your mother might feel more
comfortable with someone she's just meeting for the first time
in the workshop space instead of the house. Then I see it was DD
#1 who said SFSamsMom will stay in the workshop apartment. Is DD
#1 wanting to impress BFSamsMom or overaccommodate her? There's
a theme emerging of her telling instead of asking and
considering BFSamsMom's convenience and comfort above everyone
else's
#Post#: 61286--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: Hmmm Date: December 10, 2020, 7:23 am
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Yes it is your Mom's decision. But you are her daughter. You can
tell your mom your preferences. Obviously, your DD is telling
you her preference (her MIL staying in the apartment) and she'll
probably tell your mom her preference. And if you don't object,
your mom will go along assuming that is the "group" decision.
Call you mom and say that you feel a little silly but you really
want to stay in the apartment. Focus on the fact that you want
the freedom to enjoy her handy work privately and know it will
be the last time for a while.
When your DD calls her, your mom can just say that she already
promised the room to you.
(And it doesn't sound like your DD was reaching out to everyone
(you and your other DD) and asking how you felt about her MIL
joining the group for the holiday. She just went to your mom.
I'm not saying this is wrong. But it does show that she is
direct in her wishes so you can be direct in yours.)
#Post#: 61323--------------------------------------------------
Re: But I called Dibs!
By: jpcher Date: December 10, 2020, 2:26 pm
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I'm loving all of your responses. I thought that I was in the
wrong for asking my preference of a sleeping place.
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1941.msg61267#msg61267
date=1607566187]
What was your mother's response when you said "I already called
dibs!"?
[/quote]
When I talked to her a couple of months ago I asked if I could
sleep in the apartment. She said "Of Course!"
I haven't talked to her about sleeping accommodations since
then.
What an eye-opener . . . especially after Tgiving plans . . .
DD#1 and BFsam telling me the plans instead of including me in
with the planning. Interesting, I didn't even think of that side
of the story.
Going off to call my mother to see what she thinks.
Thank you!
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