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#Post#: 60442--------------------------------------------------
Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: Rho Date: November 18, 2020, 9:53 pm
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One evening whilst Son and family were staying with us the past
three months---six year old and I were setting the table for
dinner. DH and I privately joke that DIL sets either glasses of
water OR napkins but never both. So grandson doesn't use
napkins every day.
I was putting napkins on left side of dishes with forks on top.
Grandson moved his own napkin to right side. I moved it back. He
moved it and I told him that napkins belong on left side. I
just couldn't think of why. I didn't even think to tell him
that he ws welcome to put his napkin under the knife at our
table but in public napkins are put on the left side 'just
because'.
What would you have done?
#Post#: 60443--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: NyaChan Date: November 18, 2020, 11:43 pm
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I would have let the kid set the table as best he could and
praised him for being helpful.
#Post#: 60451--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: oogyda Date: November 19, 2020, 6:24 am
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1924.msg60443#msg60443
date=1605764613]
I would have let the kid set the table as best he could and
praised him for being helpful.
[/quote]
I agree with NyaChan. At six, I don't think he's going to be
setting tables for the general public. If he were in that
situation, perhaps for a church supper or an awards dinner, it
appears that he's fine putting napkins where he's told
to......just not his own.
#Post#: 60474--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: Hmmm Date: November 19, 2020, 9:16 am
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[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1924.msg60443#msg60443
date=1605764613]
I would have let the kid set the table as best he could and
praised him for being helpful.
[/quote]
I disagree. Since he was helping and not doing it independently,
I see no reason to not make it interactive and teach him the
standard way. You can still praise him for being helpful and for
being willing to learn the correct way.
Rho, I think it's fine to just tell kids at that age that it's
traditional. If they want to know why, explain that it helps
people know which napkin is theirs. That in formal place
settings, the napkin goes to the left of the fork if there is
room. If a table is always set the same way, then people always
know which one is their napkin. I always used this analogy with
my kids. It is like always having the same color for a stop
sign. If you see a red stop sign, then you automatically think
you need to stop. You don't have to think too hard about what
the sign actually says.
#Post#: 60475--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: Rose Red Date: November 19, 2020, 9:33 am
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I would have told him napkins go on the left side instead of
just moving it back without a word. Then if he had questions, we
can Google "table setting" and both of us can learn.
#Post#: 60504--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: SioCat Date: November 19, 2020, 8:27 pm
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I would have let him put his napkin on whatever side he wanted.
It’s his napkin.
#Post#: 60516--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: oogyda Date: November 20, 2020, 6:30 am
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I feel sorry for the DIL who is being ridiculed behind her back
for less than strictly proper table settings in an age where so
many people have more relaxed attitudes about dinnertime with
family.
#Post#: 60526--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: gramma dishes Date: November 20, 2020, 9:07 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1924.msg60474#msg60474
date=1605799002]
I think it's fine to just tell kids at that age that it's
traditional. If they want to know why, explain that it helps
people know which napkin is theirs. That in formal place
settings, the napkin goes to the left of the fork if there is
room. If a table is always set the same way, then people always
know which one is their napkin. I always used this analogy with
my kids. It is like always having the same color for a stop
sign. If you see a red stop sign, then you automatically think
you need to stop. You don't have to think too hard about what
the sign actually says.
[/quote]
I love this explanation!
#Post#: 60528--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: gramma dishes Date: November 20, 2020, 9:18 am
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1924.msg60516#msg60516
date=1605875411]
I feel sorry for the DIL who is being ridiculed behind her back
for less than strictly proper table settings in an age where so
many people have more relaxed attitudes about dinnertime with
family.
[/quote]
I think many families have their "normal" meals at the kitchen
table or even at bars/countertops/islands with bar stools.
Meals tend to be more relaxed and sometimes napkins need to be
used and other times, maybe not really. When our kids were
little we often used Viva paper towels as napkins because they
were soft and absorbent and could just be thrown away. If they
weren't very dirty, we even used them to clean up after the
meal.
Somehow they all managed to know how to set a 'real' table in a
dining room, complete with cloth napkins neatly and precisely
placed. So they didn't embarrass us by demonstrating publicly
their lack of consistent table setting education.
My husband (who is incredibly polite, intelligent and
knowledgeable) has no idea how to set a table. When he does it
here, our grandchildren just look at him and smile. He never
puts napkins out, forks can be on either side of the plate,
knife blades may be turned in toward the plate or not.
Sometimes even the silverware or glasses don't match. That's my
turning point. I never say a word, but discreetly switch
things out to make sure that all the glasses match and all the
silverware at each place setting is the same.
Every family situation is different and we all need to be
reasonable about little differences. The important thing is
being together and enjoying each other's company, not where the
napkins and utensils are placed. But still, it IS an important
skill for kids (and adults) to have.
#Post#: 60535--------------------------------------------------
Re: Did I lose a teaching moment?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 20, 2020, 11:22 am
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1924.msg60526#msg60526
date=1605884823]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1924.msg60474#msg60474
date=1605799002]
I think it's fine to just tell kids at that age that it's
traditional. If they want to know why, explain that it helps
people know which napkin is theirs. That in formal place
settings, the napkin goes to the left of the fork if there is
room. If a table is always set the same way, then people always
know which one is their napkin. I always used this analogy with
my kids. It is like always having the same color for a stop
sign. If you see a red stop sign, then you automatically think
you need to stop. You don't have to think too hard about what
the sign actually says.
[/quote]
I love this explanation!
[/quote]
This is actually the reason behind a great many etiquette
rules--that we all know what things "mean." (invitations, ways
to address the envelope, etc.)
And as people start to branch off to their own meanings, it
gets harder.
I'm a copyeditor, so I pay attention to dictionary definitions,
connotations of words, and even grammar and syntax.
When we all agree what a word means--or even how it is
spelled--it removes a lot of ambiguity. Which saves times and
sometimes bad feelings.
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