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#Post#: 60278--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: kckgirl Date: November 16, 2020, 1:37 pm
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This reminds me of when very-young me was punished for
something, and I had no idea what I had done wrong. Nobody told
me; they just assumed I knew. It was very frustrating at the
time, and I certainly didn't learn anything from the punishment
since I didn't know what caused it. I think that's why I just
hate hearing "you tell me" or "you should know."
#Post#: 60303--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Isisnin Date: November 16, 2020, 7:34 pm
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I really don't recall the tone she used. My brain is like that
sometimes when I'm shocked. I don't recall the nuances, just
words and feelings.
It did feel like a condescending adult speaking to a child.
#Post#: 60304--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: NFPwife Date: November 16, 2020, 7:39 pm
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[quote author=Isisnin link=topic=1920.msg60303#msg60303
date=1605576845]
I really don't recall the tone she used. My brain is like that
sometimes when I'm shocked. I don't recall the nuances, just
words and feelings.
It did feel like a condescending adult speaking to a child.
[/quote]
I'll say that if it felt that way, it was. I think you felt the
tone and nuance.
What happened to stepping into a new role and taking time to
establish some relationships and assessing what the staff are
doing and why (or why not) before making broad sweeping changes?
Unless something is very crucial, there's no reason to get all
policy happy.
#Post#: 60312--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: gramma dishes Date: November 16, 2020, 8:27 pm
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I think I'd smile (just a teeny one) and say very quietly, "Oh,
so you don't know either!" Because that's probably the truth
and she didn't want to admit she didn't know the answer.
#Post#: 60314--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Isisnin Date: November 16, 2020, 11:06 pm
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[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=1920.msg60312#msg60312
date=1605580033]
I think I'd smile (just a teeny one) and say very quietly, "Oh,
so you don't know either!" Because that's probably the truth
and she didn't want to admit she didn't know the answer.
[/quote]
I love it!
#Post#: 60353--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: silversurfer Date: November 17, 2020, 5:01 pm
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For me, the only time you use 'you tell me' and the only time I
have ever used it is when you are talking to a small child.
Actually conversation from my childhood.
Me: Mum, how do you spell <whatever>
Mum: you tell me
and now I have the same conversation with my daughter.
I have never hear 'you tell me' used in a work situation - ever!
It is a put down as far as I am concerned when used in the
workplace.
#Post#: 60422--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: JeanFromBNA Date: November 18, 2020, 3:33 pm
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It sounds like in your case, she was being condescending, but I
use a form of "you tell me" to encourage my employees to think
for themselves. It's too easy for me to spout off answers, and
it doesn't help the employees be self-reliant, which is needed
in this job. So I might ask them what they thought they should
do, or what ideas they had, or something like that. If I'm
actively teaching, as I was yesterday, I will ask them why they
think that the plans were designed this way to help them
understand the viewpoint of the design engineer. To use Toots'
Bible analogy, I need to teach them how to fish rather than to
provide them with fish. My goal is to have an army of consultant
mini-me's since I can't be at each project in person.
#Post#: 60434--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Mara Jade Date: November 18, 2020, 7:29 pm
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I also use a version of "you tell me" to start a discussion of
how they can figure it out on they're own. Because I might know
the answer to what this piece of code does, but the person will
quickly come to an area of code I'm not familiar with. I'd
rather teach them how to use the tools to find out on their own.
I do try to preface it with "I can tell you, or do you want to
learn how to use tool xyz?" because they might be in a rush.
It's hard to gauge when someone goes from being new and
in-training to being experienced and just having a quick
question. I'll have to be more careful in the future.
I've also heard "you tell me" in a meeting where the person
didn't know, and wanted us to go investigate and let them know
what the answer is.
Is the manager treating you more like a new hire? It would
irritate me for someone to say "you tell me" in a training
context when I'm already established in the area of work.
#Post#: 60560--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Isisnin Date: November 21, 2020, 9:41 am
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Some followup to your replies (thank you) and update on the what
happened.
I too encourage people I'm training to"Think it through. If I
keep telling you, you won't really learn it and remember it.".
That is what I say because I feel it's a supportive, polite
sentence. But I say it after I've shown and explained the work
to them. So when I train a new cashier, they watch me check out
a customer a few times while I explain what I'm doing. Then when
they try for themselves, I will guide them step-by-step for a
bit. Finally they do it themselves with me watching. If they ask
me a question or they are about to make a mistake I say "Read
the screen. Think it thru. Which button do you think it is?". So
I agree, self-teaching is very effective so long as the trainees
are started off with some intro/explanation. That was what was
lacking from this new manager.
So I was off a few days. Come back and am looking at the new
weekly reports and the store manager (not the new manager) comes
up "Isisnin! You wrote the names of everyone you coached on the
coaching report. That's great! We're to have the supervisors do
that regularly.". That's what the new manager had told me to do
at the beginning of the "You tell me" conversation fiasco. And
the store manager is going to have a meeting with all the
supervisors to review procedures. Leads me to think that the
store manager didn't hear that beginning of that conversation
fiasco and didn't know that the new manager was delegating
previously manager-responsibility reports to us. Anyways, store
manager is very happy with me.
Yesterday, another manager (who has been in this store for
years) asked over the walkie "Anyone know where the large white
trash bags are?." The new manager says "I don't know where they
are. You don't know where they are?". Silence. And I'm thinking,
but not saying since it's not my conversation, "Clearly since
she is asking where they are, that means she doesn't know where
they are.".
Unfortunately, the store manager (who supervises the new
manager) wasn't there to hear that. This is the fourth time I've
heard the new manager berate/put down someone publicly for
everyone to hear. I was so surprised the previous times, that I
didn't think of whether or not the store manager heard it. The
store manager is the pleasant supportive type. Until you keep
making the same mistake over and over even though she spoke to
you about it - repeatedly. After that she writes you up which
she should. My guess, and expectation, is that the store manager
will have a conversation with the new manager.
I hope soon.
#Post#: 60561--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: kckgirl Date: November 21, 2020, 1:34 pm
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[quote author=Isisnin link=topic=1920.msg60560#msg60560
date=1605973287]
This is the fourth time I've heard the new manager berate/put
down someone publicly for everyone to hear.
[/quote]
I (a customer) heard something very similar happen over the
radio, and went to the customer service desk to ask for the
manager. The person who came wasn't surprised when I told her
what the CSM had done and how nasty her tone was. I asked the
manager to remind Ms. Sassy Pants that everybody near a radio
can hear her attitude, not just the person she's berating. She
walked around with a look on her face that matched the tone in
her voice. It reflected very badly on her and the store, and I
didn't see her there too long after that.
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