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#Post#: 60175--------------------------------------------------
"you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Isisnin Date: November 14, 2020, 10:11 am
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We have a new, transferred in, manager at the large, chain
store, where I work. She manages the front
(registers/tills)which I supervise along with a couple other
people.
as bit of a background, the new manager holds us supervisors
responsible for things we hadn't done before (differences
between stores, even though, as a chain, all stores should have
the same procedures). She can express her irritation when she
discovers we haven't done whatever she thinks we should have.
When she recently said I should have done whatever, in her
irritated way of speaking, I pleasantly said something like: "I
didn't know that. We haven't been doing it that way in this
store. Certainly will change. Just let us know what is
changing."
The other day, during the busy time of a shift change, she said
to me "here are the reports for you to review with the staff". I
said "What reports?" Turns out, one report I've seen before as
the store manager was reviewing it with staff. So she wants the
supervisors to review it with the staff now. OK. I know the
report and can do explain it to others. Another report I didn't
know and asked her to explain it to me. She responded "You tell
me."
To me that was a put down.
I said something like, "I haven't seen this report before. I
need to understand it so I can explain it to the staff and we
can have clear communication." In retrospect, perhaps I should
have said something like "it's chaotic right now, so I can't
concentrate on it. I'll look it over later when it's quiet and
let you know if I have questions." But I didn't. And she
something. And I said something.
During this, the store manager came up to buy something. So she
joined us. Shortening the story, I said that saying "you tell
me" is a put down. Dead silence. Finally, store manager said
"well, that can be a put down or a learning technique depending
on how it's said."
I've always thought of it a a put down as in "you tell me
(because you should know this)".
What say y'all?
#Post#: 60176--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Hanna Date: November 14, 2020, 10:19 am
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I think tone matters greatly but generally I agree with you, I’d
take it as “you should already know this” and very
condescending.
I also don’t see anything wrong with you asking her to explain
it to you so that you have a clear understanding.
#Post#: 60178--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Aleko Date: November 14, 2020, 10:26 am
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Another way to take it would be 'I don't know; it reads like
gibberish!' :D
Whatever she actually meant, it doesn't exactly display good
communication and interpersonal skills.
#Post#: 60192--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: gzztrw Date: November 14, 2020, 4:17 pm
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If a Store Manager states "You Tell me is a learning too", then
they have no awareness of training people.
Even if it was said in a joking tone, a lot of people do not
pick up on nuances and take words at face value.
I think your response of asking he to go through it was a good
approach. Even if you looked it over when you had time you may
not have communicated it in line with her expectations.
A suggestion to head of future tasks which you have not done
before, is when things are calm mention to her that there are
differences between your store and others and include a couple
of examples. However I would only do this if the new manage has
demonstrated they are approachable. There are managers I have
had that would take this as you being unhelpful or trying to
undermine them.
One thing to think about, is as she has the expectation all
stored have the same set up when she assigns something and
people say "i don't know how to do that" could it coming across
that people believe is is not their job?
#Post#: 60195--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: HenrysMom Date: November 14, 2020, 6:30 pm
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Procedures not standardized across stores? Sounds like bad
management to me, and not your fault at all, even if you were
aware of different practices in other stores. You just have to
tell both managers “(this procedure/practice) is not one I’ve
seen in this store before, so I need some instruction here.”
I went through this when transferring from one Opco to another
within Evil Oil Company. My work group was trained by
Corporate, then a few of us were transferred to a Opco that not
only didn’t follow corporate guidelines, but TPTB there ruled it
as their personal fiefdom. The first time we ran up against
their own “guidelines,” we were gobsmacked. Took years and a
corporate clean-house before they conformed to corporate
standards.
#Post#: 60202--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Isisnin Date: November 14, 2020, 7:49 pm
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Thanks for the replies.
Unfortunately this new manager pretty much always has a tone
which at best is brusque.
So, when I could, I have been studying the report and it does
read like gibberish due the excessive use of abbreviations (and
there is no legend or key on the report defining the
abbreviations). I'll ask the helpful, supportive manager when I
can.
I also try to plan ahead as to how to work with her. We closed
the store together after the topic incident and since the
procedure had changed I planned ahead to say to her "this is my
first time closing under the new procedure. How do you want to
do it?" She seemed receptive to that and delegated the procedure
to a staffer.
New manager and I are going to have a tough time of it. She also
recently yelled over the walkie (almost all employees wear them,
so almost all everyone heard) about a new elderly hire who
doesn't speak English well. The new hire was asking how to do
the Covid cleaning and the new manager started yelling (and I
mean yelling) that the new hire had done it before and how she
should read and follow the cleaning check-off chart (since the
new hire doesn't speak english well, I doubt she can read it
well. Especially a word like "vestibule"). Fortunately, a
long-term employee stepped in and said they'd show the new hire
how to do the cleaning. And even more fortunately the new hire
wasn't wearing a walkie.
It's going to be a long holiday shopping season.
#Post#: 60249--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: BeagleMommy Date: November 16, 2020, 8:27 am
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First of all, the new manager should never assume all employees
know the procedures by heart. I my experience, it usually takes
new hires a good year to know the procedures completely.
In my opinion, "you tell me" comes across as condescending and
almost parental sounding. It reminds me of when I asked my
mother why she was mad at 7-year-old me and she would say "you
tell me" since I had done something stupid.
Tone has a lot to do with how people interpret what you say.
I'm not saying she has to sound like a Hallmark card, but a
kinder tone can go a long way.
She reminds me of the boss I had who, when I explained I didn't
know something, growled at me "What else don't you know?!". :o
::)
#Post#: 60264--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: bopper Date: November 16, 2020, 11:12 am
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In this case "You tell me" means "For some reason, be it
laziness, resentment or powerhungryness, I don't want to bother
to explain this to you. I feel you "should know" because this is
a report that we use all the time even though you may have never
seen it before. I would rather you fail at this then spend the
time to teach you."
#Post#: 60265--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: TootsNYC Date: November 16, 2020, 11:23 am
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A bit of an aside.
In the book of Revelation, I noticed this recently when the
passage was read in church.
[quote]Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, “These who
are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have
they come from?” I said to him, “My lord, you know.” [/quote]
And I thought, "He sounds kind of irritated; I can just hear
'You tell me.'"
The "you tell me" CAN be part of the Socratic teaching method. I
don't think it's automatically a put-down, but it IS a message
that says, "I won't help you learn this."
And tone absolutely changes whether it's an intellectual
challenge, or whether it's a brushing off.
#Post#: 60267--------------------------------------------------
Re: "you tell me" put down or learning tool
By: Hmmm Date: November 16, 2020, 11:30 am
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I think tone is important.
Kid: "Hey, mom, when does summer vacations starts"
Mom: "You tell me."
That's not a put down. It is saying, no, I do not have the
information readily available so you should go look it up and
then share with the rest of us.
Employee: "Boss, when is the shipment of widgets coming in?"
Boss: "Don't know. You tell me"
Again, I don't think it is a put down. Just the boss saying they
don't have that information and employee should go research it.
But yes, if said it a snotty way, it could very much be a put
down.
Employee: "I've been looking over these numbers and do you think
we'll be short on widgets next month?"
Boss with a roll of the eyes: "You tell me"
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