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#Post#: 60229--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: November 15, 2020, 3:50 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1919.msg60228#msg60228
date=1605474882]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
and also, I think Mom could--and perhaps should--decide not to
attend even if she was invited, because of COVID.
[/quote]
I totally agree. No matter what Betty was trying to do, if it
were me, I would not attend. It's too dangerous. A card with
reference to: "I wish this occasion had not fallen at such a
time. But I sincerely send you my best wishes, and hope to see
you in person soon."
If Betty were trying to invite, it is a gracious way to bow out.
#Post#: 60232--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: NFPwife Date: November 15, 2020, 6:18 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60229#msg60229
date=1605477013]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1919.msg60228#msg60228
date=1605474882]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
and also, I think Mom could--and perhaps should--decide not to
attend even if she was invited, because of COVID.
[/quote]
I totally agree. No matter what Betty was trying to do, if it
were me, I would not attend. It's too dangerous. A card with
reference to: "I wish this occasion had not fallen at such a
time. But I sincerely send you my best wishes, and hope to see
you in person soon."
If Betty were trying to invite, it is a gracious way to bow out.
[/quote]
To the bolded in the US, that is completely true. I think the
OP's mum is in Oz and, I'm guessing a state with very low
numbers, so it's not as dangerous. It's still prudent to reduce
the numbers or not attend.
#Post#: 60270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Hmmm Date: November 16, 2020, 11:47 am
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I would without a doubt have assumed she was dis-inviting your
mom.
I would have responded with "I completely understand that you
need to reduce the numbers. I hope you have a wonderful event
and we'll get together another time"
If I was wrong in my understanding of what was being
communicated, it could now be clarified.
Effective communication is both ways. The speaker trying to be
as effective as possible but the recipient should also validate
what they heard or interpreted.
#Post#: 60295--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 16, 2020, 4:35 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1919.msg60270#msg60270
date=1605548835]
I would without a doubt have assumed she was dis-inviting your
mom.
[/quote]
Me too. Because if she was still invited, there's no real need
to call and tell her it won't be as many people as before,
right?
#Post#: 60396--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Star Wars Fan Date: November 18, 2020, 12:22 pm
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I think your mom should ask, and since she's OK with not being
invited there's really no harm in it. Because I think what Betty
said is very vague and it could go either way.
Ed.
#Post#: 63834--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Raintree Date: February 21, 2021, 10:49 pm
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I think she should ask for clarification.
Betty might have meant, "I'm keeping it small, and I'm so sorry
because I know you will find out we had a party, so I am giving
you a heads up so you won't wonder why you weren't invited."
Or she might have meant,
"You're invited, but just so you know we are keeping it small,
so please don't tell everyone we know about it and please don't
bring other people."
After such a long friendship I think I'd be able to say, "Betty,
it's not clear, did you mean for me to come or not? I understand
either way but I'd like to clarify."
#Post#: 63835--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Aleko Date: February 22, 2021, 2:35 am
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LOP’s mum could always have just responded (or written / emailed
later) ‘I totally understand the need to miniaturise the event.
But hopefully you will all have a lovely day anyway, and I look
forward to seeing the photographs!’ Then if that really was a
way to disinvite her gently, friend will feel reassured; and if
it wasn’t, she knows she conveyed quite the wrong message and
needs to clarify toot sweet.
#Post#: 63836--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: February 22, 2021, 4:19 am
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Oh, I totally forgot to update this one!
So, my mum apparently sent some version of the text message that
several of you suggested. Eg "Totally understand if you need to
reduce numbers, and hope you have a lovely anniversary."
My mum then told me that Betty texted back with a slightly long,
rambly message, saying that she really valued my mum's
friendship, and very much hoped that my mum would be able to
attend the party!
So my mum went along, and had a great time. Bob's health had
recovered a bit, and she noticed there were more people there
than she'd expected. Betty and Bob both seemed really pleased
that she was there.
So a good update, I guess!
#Post#: 63875--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: NFPwife Date: February 22, 2021, 4:21 pm
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1919.msg63836#msg63836
date=1613989196]
Oh, I totally forgot to update this one!
So, my mum apparently sent some version of the text message that
several of you suggested. Eg "Totally understand if you need to
reduce numbers, and hope you have a lovely anniversary."
My mum then told me that Betty texted back with a slightly long,
rambly message, saying that she really valued my mum's
friendship, and very much hoped that my mum would be able to
attend the party!
So my mum went along, and had a great time. Bob's health had
recovered a bit, and she noticed there were more people there
than she'd expected. Betty and Bob both seemed really pleased
that she was there.
So a good update, I guess!
[/quote]
That's awesome! It sounds like a lovely evening.
#Post#: 64231--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Gellchom Date: March 6, 2021, 4:02 pm
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I’m so glad it all worked out OK.
This story is Exhibit A for why clear, direct communication, in
both directions, instead of “polite” hinting is so important!
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