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#Post#: 60188--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Lkdrymom Date: November 14, 2020, 2:43 pm
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Funny how each can interpret things a different way. I took it
that she was uninvited.
#Post#: 60189--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Rose Red Date: November 14, 2020, 3:11 pm
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Very confusing. At first, I thought of course your mom was
uninvited. But reading it again (and again) made me think it can
go either way.
I think it's best to ask. Maybe she can say something like
"Thinking over our conversation, I'm not sure if I'm still on
your guest list. I understand either way because of Covid and
Bob's health is the most important thing, but I just want to
make sure."
#Post#: 60198--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: HenrysMom Date: November 14, 2020, 6:34 pm
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Personally, if the person took it upon themselves to make that
phone call, I’d say they were uninviting your mother. YMMV, but
I’d see this as a good thing, as she won’t be exposing herself
by going to the party. Also, no need for an anniversary
present.
#Post#: 60212--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: gramma dishes Date: November 15, 2020, 9:34 am
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1919.msg60198#msg60198
date=1605400499]
Personally, if the person took it upon themselves to make that
phone call, I’d say they were uninviting your mother. YMMV, but
I’d see this as a good thing, as she won’t be exposing herself
by going to the party. Also, no need for an anniversary
present.
[/quote]
I agree. If she were still invited there would have been
absolutely no reason for the host to make that call. The guest
would have arrived as expected per the invitation.
#Post#: 60217--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Isisnin Date: November 15, 2020, 10:23 am
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Communication is a tough thing as it can be interpreted in so
many ways.
E.g. I don't understand from the OP's post that her mother was
previously invited. I read the post that Betty was talking about
the party for a while. When someone is talking with me and talks
about a gathering they are having, I don't think I've been
invited unless they say something in that conversation like "I
hope you can come.", "Please bring your famous dip." Lacking an
indicator like those, I think they are talking about the
gathering just because they are talking about something that is
going on in their life and that is what friends do - talk to
each other about their lives.
But if they call me later and tell me the date of the party, I
think I'm invited.
LifeOnPluto, if the party hasn't happened and your Mum is still
unsure if she is invited and might be uncomfortable attending,
she could call or email or friend to wish them a happy
anniversary and tell Betty are wise to cut back on attendees.
Then a "Let's get together in a week or two and you can tell me
all about the party then."
That way your Mum clearly but delicately indicates she is not
attending.
Please let us know what happens.
#Post#: 60218--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Rose Red Date: November 15, 2020, 10:59 am
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I was thinking it could be a heads up that the big bash is now a
small dinner with finger foods. If I was still invited, I would
appreciate knowing exactly what I was attending.
But pointing out Covid a few times may be a hint that mom is
uninvited.
Confusing.
#Post#: 60220--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Aleko Date: November 15, 2020, 11:18 am
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[quote]I was thinking it could be a heads up that the big bash
is now a small dinner with finger foods. If I was still invited,
I would appreciate knowing exactly what I was attending.
But pointing out Covid a few times may be a hint that mom is
uninvited.[/quote]
True - but, for Pete's sake, if you have to disinvite people
(and this pandemic is one case where people genuinely do), the
last thing you should do, for everyone's sake, is drop tactful
hints to them. Please, just woman up and tell them, in clear, so
everybody knows where they are!
#Post#: 60223--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Isisnin Date: November 15, 2020, 11:44 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1919.msg60220#msg60220
date=1605460703]
[quote]I was thinking it could be a heads up that the big bash
is now a small dinner with finger foods. If I was still invited,
I would appreciate knowing exactly what I was attending.
But pointing out Covid a few times may be a hint that mom is
uninvited.[/quote]
True - but, for Pete's sake, if you have to disinvite people
(and this pandemic is one case where people genuinely do), the
last thing you should do, for everyone's sake, is drop tactful
hints to them. Please, just woman up and tell them, in clear, so
everybody knows where they are!
[/quote]
And please, don't say "sorry, it's just family and a few close
friends" when you dis-invite someone. "just family" is ok but no
need to effectively point out someone is not a close friend.
That may be true and your friend might know and agree to that,
but don't point it out.
#Post#: 60224--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Rose Red Date: November 15, 2020, 11:50 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1919.msg60220#msg60220
date=1605460703]
[quote]I was thinking it could be a heads up that the big bash
is now a small dinner with finger foods. If I was still invited,
I would appreciate knowing exactly what I was attending.
But pointing out Covid a few times may be a hint that mom is
uninvited.[/quote]
True - but, for Pete's sake, if you have to disinvite people
(and this pandemic is one case where people genuinely do), the
last thing you should do, for everyone's sake, is drop tactful
hints to them. Please, just woman up and tell them, in clear, so
everybody knows where they are!
[/quote]
Exactly my point about it being confusing. I hate "hints" and
"politeness."
For example, if I ask if you want coffee or cake, say yes the
first time. I won't ask three times.
Or of I ask what restaurant you want, don't say you don't care
and then pout because I can't read your mind.
This situation feels the same. Like Betty seems to think she's
polite but it's just confusing.
#Post#: 60228--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: TootsNYC Date: November 15, 2020, 3:14 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
and also, I think Mom could--and perhaps should--decide not to
attend even if she was invited, because of COVID.
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