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#Post#: 60154--------------------------------------------------
Am I invited or not?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: November 13, 2020, 11:36 pm
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This post is on behalf of my mother.
Some background - my mum has been friends with "Betty" for about
45 years, since they were young women in their twenties. Betty
has been married to "Bob" for nearly 40 years. My mother and
late father socialised with Betty and Bob a fair bit (and since
my father passed a few years back, my mum still sees Betty and
Bob from time to time). For a couple of months now, Betty has
been talking about throwing a Ruby Anniversary party in November
(when hers and Bob's anniversary is). Note - COVID thankfully is
not really a problem in their state.
Recently however, Bob has been in poor health. And while I
stated above that COVID isn't a problem in their neck of the
woods, it still remains a risk, however small. According to my
mum, Betty phoned her up the other day, and the conversation was
rather odd. It went something like this:
Betty: "Hi [LifeOnPLuto's Mum]. I just wanted to let you know
that our anniversary party is going ahead on Saturday week.
Because of Bob's health, we've decided to scale it back. We're
only inviting family and a few close friends only."
My mum: "Of course, that's perfectly understandable." (Thinks -
Am I invited or not?).
Betty: "Because of COVID, you know?"
My mum: "Yes, for sure." (Still doesn't know whether she's
invited or not, so decides to press for some details, hoping the
answer will be revealed). "When are you having the party -
during the day, or in the evening?"
Betty: "In the evening. Eight o'clock."
My mum: (Still at a loss) "How lovely. Dinner, or just drinks?"
Betty: "Just drinks and finger food."
My mum: ....
Betty: (Makes small talk for a few minutes about other topics).
"Well, I must go, lots to do. Have a great day!" (Hangs up).
So now my mum is really confused! She wasn't sure whether Betty
was actually inviting her to this party, or whether Betty was
gently telling her that due to limited numbers, there wasn't
going to be room for her at this party (which my mum is actually
100% fine with!). She doesn't know whether to turn up (and risk
gate-crashing a party that she wasn't invited to) or stay home
(and risk looking like a flake / bad friend, if she was in fact,
invited).
How would you interpret this? What would be the politest option
here - attending or staying home? Alternatively, is there a
polite script that my mum could use to clarify with Betty as to
whether she was invited or not?
#Post#: 60158--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: vintagegal Date: November 14, 2020, 6:03 am
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I would just ask. Feign confusion, poor memory about the
conversation, if it helps.
#Post#: 60162--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 14, 2020, 7:45 am
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I would lean on the 45 years of friendship to allow me to just
ask. "Betty, I feel like a goof, but I didn't
understand/remember, did you have room for me at the party or
should I leave room for your close family? I understand either
way." Hopefully Betty knows Mum well enough to know that it was
an honest question and not fishing for an invitation.
#Post#: 60163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Isisnin Date: November 14, 2020, 7:52 am
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I was writing and rewriting a response, but DancingPsych really
hit the nail on the head. So seconding that.
#Post#: 60164--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Hanna Date: November 14, 2020, 8:03 am
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I would say “Betty, I know you said you are scaling back the
party and of course that is the wise thing to do. I feel silly
but I didn’t understand if you mean for me to attend or were
letting me know gently that I should not come. Of course I
understand either way!”
#Post#: 60179--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: NyaChan Date: November 14, 2020, 10:39 am
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I would interpret that as your mom being uninvited. I actually
think the shortness in the responses was because your mom
wouldn’t really need to know if she isn’t a guest.
ETA: plus the conversation wasn’t framed like a oh can you
believe I’m having to uninvite some people, it was like a
notification. And I meant didn’t need to know those details
because she isn’t a guest
#Post#: 60181--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: November 14, 2020, 11:52 am
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I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
#Post#: 60184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: kckgirl Date: November 14, 2020, 12:10 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
I agree with this. If she was still invited, there would have
been no reason to call. Betty didn't offer any details until
asked.
#Post#: 60185--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: Isisnin Date: November 14, 2020, 12:39 pm
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=1919.msg60184#msg60184
date=1605377420]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
I agree with this. If she was still invited, there would have
been no reason to call. Betty didn't offer any details until
asked.
[/quote]
Per the conversation the OP posted, Betty opened with "our
anniversary party is going ahead on Saturday week". Telling the
specific day of the event is part of an invitation. Also, saying
that only "family a few close friends" is part of the invite (As
i'm meaning you are one of the close friends). Hopefully, Betty
didn't mean "family a few close friends, and you're not one of
them".
If Betty didn't mean to invite the OP's Mom it's too bad Betty
didn't post here 1st for advice!
#Post#: 60186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Am I invited or not?
By: kckgirl Date: November 14, 2020, 12:46 pm
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[quote author=Isisnin link=topic=1919.msg60185#msg60185
date=1605379198]
[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=1919.msg60184#msg60184
date=1605377420]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1919.msg60181#msg60181
date=1605376367]
I think Betty was so unclear because she just couldn't bring
herself to come right out and say, "And, I am sorry, but that's
why I am not able to invite you." Kinda hinting.
If I were your mother, I would assume I was not invited, but
would send a very nice card, with a handwritten message that I
was thinking of them on their special day.
[/quote]
I agree with this. If she was still invited, there would have
been no reason to call. Betty didn't offer any details until
asked.
[/quote]
Per the conversation the OP posted, Betty opened with "our
anniversary party is going ahead on Saturday week". Telling the
specific day of the event is part of an invitation. Also, saying
that only "family a few close friends" is part of the invite (As
i'm meaning you are one of the close friends). Hopefully, Betty
didn't mean "family a few close friends, and you're not one of
them".
If Betty didn't mean to invite the OP's Mom it's too bad Betty
didn't post here 1st for advice!
[/quote]
[font=verdana]Good point. Betty should have been much more
clear. It seemed clear to her because she knew what she meant.
[/font]
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