DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 59599--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: lisastitch Date: October 31, 2020, 4:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think it is common sense and courtesy to let other members of
the household know your general schedule. I let DH know that
I'll be home late from work because [reasons].
DD, who is living with us, is good about this too. But she
learned in high school that it is scary not knowing where
someone is. She was home with a migraine, lying on the couch.
I told her I was leaving and left. What I hadn't told her was
that I was going to a luncheon birthday for a dear friend before
going to work. And my boss forgot that I had asked to come in
late and hadn't putit on the schedule because it was last
minute.. My boss called home and talked to DD, who knew I had
left long enough ago that I should have been at work by then.
She called her dad, who didn't remember my mentioning the
luncheon, and he was calling police and highway patrol.
I had interesting messages on my cell phone when I turned it
back on and got reception again!
#Post#: 59600--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: AnnNottingham Date: October 31, 2020, 4:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
DD and I are really sensitive to this issue (letting people know
when you expect to be back). A few years back, DH sent a text
saying he was leaving work and would be home about 20 minutes.
45 minutes later I call work; he'd left as normal. He'd been in
a near-fatal accident and was life flighted to the hospital.
Now DD and I always check in, even if we're going to be 10
minutes late, because the stress is too great.
#Post#: 59604--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 31, 2020, 7:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
While attending college, I continued living with my parents and
commuting to school. There was some growing pains between
allowing me to be an adult and respecting my parents feelings,
but we settled on what I would call "roommate courtesy".
Typically one would share with a roommate if they were going to
be gone an unusual amount of time, even if you don't share the
details of what you are doing. So, I didn't feel it was
necessary to express to my parents my comings and goings to the
minute. If I wanted to stay at school longer to do something, it
was perfectly fine. If was going out for the evening, I would
either say good bye or leave a note. I would provide them with
an idea of when to expect me to return. Most times it would be
before dawn. If it was going to be an overnight stay, I would
express that. Also, if I was traveling far (as I sometimes would
drive several hours to various cities), I would also give them a
general idea of where to start a search if something happened.
But we found that it was best if I provided enough information
so that my parents knew not to worry and whether to include me
in a meal. On the flip side, my parents had to do the same for
me!
My parents learned not to pry about the details. The amount of
trust that they offered actually made me feel more comfortable
sharing things. But it took some time to figure some of this
out.
#Post#: 59609--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: Mrs Rat Date: October 31, 2020, 8:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It was installed in us from the age where we had more freedom to
let our parents know where we were going, who with and when we
would be expected back. That just carried on into adulthood. I
stayed at home longer than I should of, thought I was doing mum
a favour. I would do my fair share of cooking & cleaning. If I
was out and decided to stay out longer I would call and let them
know. This is long before cell phones. Mum now lives in another
city and whenever she drives up here she lets me know when to
expect her, and she'll let me know she got home safely.
#Post#: 59612--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: October 31, 2020, 10:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think Da Dancing has nailed it: this is not necessarily
parent/child restrictions, this is common roommate courtesy.
Just so you don't worry, I might be later than normal, perhaps
not coming back until sometime tomorrow. The other person
doesn't push for details, but they do need to know if they
should worry after a certain point.
#Post#: 59620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: Aleko Date: November 1, 2020, 2:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm with everyone else here. It isn't just an parent/child
thing; members of a household have a general duty to say if they
won't be home for meals that they normally would be home to eat,
and if they won't be back till later than expected. (If only
because the householder routinely puts the chain on the door and
sets the burglar alarms before going to bed.)
#Post#: 59621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: shadowfox79 Date: November 1, 2020, 4:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1909.msg59620#msg59620
date=1604221191]
I'm with everyone else here. It isn't just an parent/child
thing; members of a household have a general duty to say if they
won't be home for meals that they normally would be home to eat,
and if they won't be back till later than expected. (If only
because the householder routinely puts the chain on the door and
sets the burglar alarms before going to bed.)
[/quote]
I was just about to mention that myself. On one occasion as a
student I neglected to tell my housemates I was staying
overnight at my boyfriend's house, and as a result I arrived
back the next morning to find the chain on the door - so the
burglar alarm went off and woke everybody up.
I didn't need their permission, but it would have been a good
idea to tell them.
#Post#: 59625--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: kckgirl Date: November 1, 2020, 6:36 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Common courtesy goes a long way. My son, upon attaining legal
adulthood, thought he never had to tell me anything about his
comings and goings. I explained to him that I could have cooked
a lot less food (you know how teenagers eat) if I had known he
wasn't going to be there, and that he needed to let me know if
he was/wasn't going to be home for dinner. Of course, he had
never thought of that at his young age. After that, I knew if he
was coming or not and stopped having so many leftovers.
#Post#: 59628--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: DaDancingPsych Date: November 1, 2020, 8:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=shadowfox79 link=topic=1909.msg59621#msg59621
date=1604226602]
I didn't need their permission, but it would have been a good
idea to tell them.
[/quote]
This is it! It's not a permission thing. The parent is not
offering their blessing of the adult child's actions; they are
simply receiving the information to adjust their behavior
accordingly, like not worrying or not chaining the door. But I
think that the parents must know that their approval is not
needed, wanted, or even appropriate.
#Post#: 59630--------------------------------------------------
Re: Adult children living at home
By: oogyda Date: November 1, 2020, 8:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
When YDD was living at home while working (almost) full time and
going to college, the most frequent communication was me asking
if I was feeding her that night, or her letting me know she
wouldn't be home at dinner time.
We had settled the question of informing others in the house of
your plans to be late or absent when her older sister was in the
position of being and adult, but still living at home and it
simply carried through for YDD. As mother's they finally
understand my internal clock that said "They should be home by
now."
She still had chores. Since we had separate bathrooms, she had
to keep the one she used clean and company ready since it was
the central bathroom for the house. Of course, she did her own
laundry and continued the rule of not leaving her stuff in the
public areas of the house. Our only bone of contention was
unloading the dishwasher. That was normally settled by a few
hands of poker.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page