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#Post#: 59499--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: TootsNYC Date: October 29, 2020, 10:16 am
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[quote]...But I've found that people can be funny about
'favours'. I wonder if they convinced themselves that they were
somehow doing you and your LDH a favour by "giving you a break
from parenting" or something like that?
[/quote]
Or maybe they felt that you were fulfilling an obligation, so
they didn't need to express appreciation or feel any gratitude.
#Post#: 59507--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: kckgirl Date: October 29, 2020, 10:52 am
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Many years ago when my kids were still shuttling back & forth
for visitations with their dad, we did things several ways.
First, he did all the driving because he moved away. I took them
to him once when he had a reason that he couldn't travel, but
when it was time for them to come home he again couldn't bring
them. It was a full day of driving to go there and come home,
and was very inconvenient when I had to do it both ways.
We then decided that the gaining parent would pick the kids up
so nobody had to do all the driving. It was still a full day of
driving but more acceptable when it was only once per trip. When
they were older, we found a shopping mall that was halfway
between our houses and we met there for a nice, indoor, safe
place to meet.
If a person with your situation doesn't want it to happen again,
I would choose an option from my second paragraph, just above,
and refuse to do it any other way except in an emergency.
#Post#: 59515--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: VorFemme Date: October 29, 2020, 12:16 pm
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If they don't feel comfortable feeding you themselves, a gift
card or cash to "feed the kid" on the drive home might be an
idea...but...ten hours of driving and NOTHING at their house,
not even a glass of water, a chance to "freshen up", and maybe a
small snack if the kid isn't packed & ready to go home?
#Post#: 59517--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: SureJan Date: October 29, 2020, 12:37 pm
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The thing that really sticks out to me is that they were willing
to drive halfway to pick him up but *not* willing to do the same
to return him - I find that so SO rude and think that really
shows their attitude towards the OP and her LDH.
#Post#: 59545--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: sms Date: October 30, 2020, 8:03 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1903.msg59499#msg59499
date=1603984597]
[quote]...But I've found that people can be funny about
'favours'. I wonder if they convinced themselves that they were
somehow doing you and your LDH a favour by "giving you a break
from parenting" or something like that?
[/quote]
Or maybe they felt that you were fulfilling an obligation, so
they didn't need to express appreciation or feel any gratitude.
[/quote]
Yeah...those points are worth considering. Not that they would
be right - they aren't. But I can see people feeling entitled
that way.
At any rate it would be time to set that straight if indeed they
thought they were "helping you out" or worse that you had an
obligation. That is a huge amount of driving and a whole day
spent doing it.
#Post#: 59552--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: Morticia Date: October 30, 2020, 9:57 am
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Thanks everyone. I suppose in the end they did learn that we
didn't feel obliged. It's nice to have the validation that it
was off for them to not offer us a meal.
DS is an adult now, and tends to restrict his efforts to those
who are willing to make the effort back. I take that as a win.
#Post#: 59560--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: Winterlight Date: October 30, 2020, 1:35 pm
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My aunt had two children, daughter has a kid and son does not.
Son drives from his house to pick up Nephew for
vacations/weekends and such, but he lives over 100 miles away
from Sis and the roads are very very busy, so he said that he'd
like to split the trip and after that Nephew was exchanged at a
halfway point. He calls it the prisoner exchange, Nephew is not
amused but I thought it was hilarious. And back when he made the
drive, Son was always fed/watered/offered a bed if traffic was
bad or it was late. I don't think I'd be willing to go out of my
way for these people when they aren't willing to go halfway for
you.
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