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#Post#: 59367--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: Winterlight Date: October 25, 2020, 9:47 pm
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Still, an offer of basic hospitality when someone is doing you a
big favor seems pretty standard. If they didn't get along with
you guys enough to invite you to dinner, then they shouldn't
have been asking for this.
#Post#: 59368--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: sms Date: October 26, 2020, 7:43 am
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Right. The offer should have at least been made even if you
may not have wanted to accept.
If someone is going out of their way...and in your case way, way
out of your way to do someone a favour you try to make it as
easy and comfortable as possible for them.
Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to linger for hours but a meal,
refreshments and a break from the car is pretty basic.
I agree with Winterlight - if you can't extend basic hospitality
to someone you have no business asking them for a favour.
#Post#: 59369--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: October 26, 2020, 8:17 am
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So, this really was a huge favor that you were doing for them.
Neither you nor LDH were related to them, so this was not like
you were doing something for your family. Granted, they were
DS's family, but not yours.
At the very least, did it not occur to them that you were not
obligated to do this so don't make it difficult and unrewarding?
At the very least, dinner, offer an overnight stay, and a huge
bouquet of flowers the following week with gushing thanks would
help to insure that this would happen again. As it was, future
offers might be met with: "Oh, no, I'm not putting myself
through that again."
#Post#: 59370--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: oogyda Date: October 26, 2020, 8:29 am
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[quote author=Xainte link=topic=1903.msg59368#msg59368
date=1603716181]
Right. The offer should have at least been made even if you
may not have wanted to accept.
If someone is going out of their way...and in your case way, way
out of your way to do someone a favour you try to make it as
easy and comfortable as possible for them.
Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to linger for hours but a meal,
refreshments and a break from the car is pretty basic.
I agree with Winterlight - if you can't extend basic hospitality
to someone you have no business asking them for a favour.
[/quote]
With a nod to Winterlight....I like the concise way you stated
this.
#Post#: 59371--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: BeagleMommy Date: October 26, 2020, 8:31 am
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At the very least they should have offered to have you to
dinner. Personally, I would have offered dinner and an
overnight stay. A five-hour drive is tiring for anyone.
#Post#: 59373--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: Hmmm Date: October 26, 2020, 8:36 am
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Whether doing them a favor or not, that yes, they should have
offered a meal at a minimum. You were an invited guest to their
home. I would think they would have offered paying for gas, a
meal and payment for a hotel room.
I think it is very generous of you both to try and allow your
stepson to continue a relationship with his bio-grandparents. Is
the bio mom just out of the picture?
#Post#: 59375--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: Morticia Date: October 26, 2020, 8:50 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1903.msg59373#msg59373
date=1603719394]
Is the bio mom just out of the picture?
[/quote]
After he came to live with us, she was somewhat uninvolved.
#Post#: 59376--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: STiG Date: October 26, 2020, 8:55 am
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The relationship changes my answer a little bit. I can
understand not offering a bed for the night, under those
circumstances, but a meal should have been offered. At minimum,
a picnic lunch packed for you that you could eat in the car.
I agree that if they aren't willing to offer basic hospitality,
they have no business asking for the favour.
#Post#: 59380--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 26, 2020, 11:13 am
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[quote author=STiG link=topic=1903.msg59376#msg59376
date=1603720543]
The relationship changes my answer a little bit. I can
understand not offering a bed for the night, under those
circumstances, but a meal should have been offered. At minimum,
a picnic lunch packed for you that you could eat in the car.
I agree that if they aren't willing to offer basic hospitality,
they have no business asking for the favour.
[/quote]
Yes, to all of this. I thought that your question was a bit odd,
but the additional background information clarifies. Yes, by
strict etiquette, they should have offered you some basic
hospitality. And if the grandparents were seeking my advice, I
would be suggesting that they act appreciative if they want to
continue seeing their grandson. But it sounds like the
relationship with you is strained, awkward, and/or strange. So
it's possible that they felt funny offering you a meal or
spending time with you. I still would have suggested that they
attempt something to improve that relationship, but I can see
why they may have reacted the way that they did.
But, of course, we can't change the behaviors of others.
However, is it safe to assume that you want DS to have a
relationship with these grandparents? If so, I might suggest
that you try not to view your actions as a favor for the
grandparents, but rather as something that you do to ensure DS
gets time with these grandparents. I'm not trying to say that
your willingness to drive all that distance wasn't a big deal,
but I think that if I viewed my actions as a favor (one that
isn't being properly acknowledged) that I might start to hold
some resentment, which would not be helpful to DS at all. In the
future, I would use this experience as information for the
future. You know you will likely not be offered hospitality, so
I would adjust my plans to allow for that. (Maybe I would pack
some snacks or an actual meal. Or maybe I would find a
restaurant along the way that I would enjoy. Or maybe I would
try to get them to drive to the mid-way meeting point again.)
But I would do my best to adjust my own feelings for what is
best for DS.
Opps... I see that your question was in the past, so maybe my
thoughts are useless. However, this is what I might have said if
asked right after the incident.
#Post#: 59482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Basic Hospitality When You're Doing a Favour
By: LifeOnPluto Date: October 29, 2020, 6:27 am
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Even if the relationship was a bit strange (or strained) I think
they should have at least made a token effort to offer you
something to eat, rather than just a beverage. Were they aware
that you had a five hour drive ahead of you? That is, they
didn't think you were staying overnight in a nearby hotel or
anything, did they?
I really hope that at least thanked you profusely for your
efforts. But I've found that people can be funny about
'favours'. I wonder if they convinced themselves that they were
somehow doing you and your LDH a favour by "giving you a break
from parenting" or something like that?
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