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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 58682--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to be supportive after loss of a family member during a
pandemic.
DIR By: bopper
Date: October 8, 2020, 3:52 pm
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My husband passed away in August...
We got (too) many fruit baskets.
I liked one with some fruit and cheese and the edible fruit
arrangements.
Some people brought food over...but if you get too much at once
it is hard to deal with.
We got some plants and flowers. Those are lovely.
Somethings I thought were great:
Gift Certificate to our favorite mexican restaurant...we could
Doordash that
Basket of Italian Food...pasta/sauces/salami, etc. Provides
dinner but no immediate rush
After a few weeks..a thing of flavored popcorn.
I would actually suggest sending a card now, but then send some
food later as it is nice to get something after the initial rush
is over (or do both)
#Post#: 58688--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to be supportive after loss of a family member during a
pandemic.
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: October 8, 2020, 5:00 pm
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Wow, this is tough. I agree about gift cards for this one.
I would avoid saying something like "I'm here if you need
anything" or "Call me if I can do anything." No one would do
that, except your very best friend, and they would anyway
without your saying that. Instead, during non-pandemic times,
don't say "I'm here if you need me" -- just be there.
One thing I have found that is helpful and useful is to offer to
take care of any small errands or tasks that are hard to get to
when you are overwhelmed and exhausted at a time like this. A
text like "I'm going to [or putting in an order at] the grocery
store and Target; send me your list. Also stopping at library
and cleaners if you have errands there" is much easier to
respond to.
One of our friends drops off toilet paper, paper towels, coffee,
maybe milk, etc. -- things that can run out quickly at such
times, especially if there are people visiting, so no one needs
to run to the store, and that they will use eventually anyway
even if they don't need it now.
#Post#: 58695--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to be supportive after loss of a family member during a
pandemic.
DIR By: STiG
Date: October 8, 2020, 8:49 pm
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> I would actually suggest sending a card now, but then send
some food later as it is nice to get something after the initial
rush is over (or do both)
>
--- End Quote ---
This is a great idea!
#Post#: 58697--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to be supportive after loss of a family member during a
pandemic.
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: October 8, 2020, 9:14 pm
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Following with interest. In very nearly the same situation
My younger brother lost his wife last week. She was an only
child, who had one child by an earlier marriage. Brother and
stepson were at her bed, she died at home on hospice care.
Due to location, nobody lives close, no one can travel to his
area, and they were not church members...so very limited social
circle (cancer diagnosis had her retiring early, and
concentrating on medical matters). He was either with her or at
work...
I know that some money has been sent...but I have my own hands
full with a husband in recovery from cancer treatment last
year...and life in 2020 is not what it was last year...I want to
do the right thing...but I can't figure out the right thing in
this complicated year.
#Post#: 58719--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to be supportive after loss of a family member during a
pandemic.
DIR By: SureJan
Date: October 9, 2020, 10:20 am
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> My husband passed away in August...
>
> We got (too) many fruit baskets.
> I liked one with some fruit and cheese and the edible fruit
arrangements.
>
> Gift Certificate to our favorite mexican restaurant...we could
Doordash that
> I would actually suggest sending a card now, but then send
some food later as it is nice to get something after the initial
rush is over (or do both)
>
--- End Quote ---
Bopper, I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are
going through right now. When my best friend's mom died, she
did say, several months later that the edible arrangement was
the food item the family appreciated the most, I think in part
because it was so easy to eat without being overwhelming. I
like the idea of a gift card to a restaurant where they can
order delivery (or takeout)
--- Quote from: Gellchom link ---
>
> One of our friends drops off toilet paper, paper towels,
coffee, maybe milk, etc. -- things that can run out quickly at
such times, especially if there are people visiting, so no one
needs to run to the store, and that they will use eventually
anyway even if they don't need it now.
>
--- End Quote ---
Gellchom, thank you, this is a great idea and feeds my
deep-seated need to *do* something. I've got a decent stash of
hand sanitizer and things that are still a bit hard to find in
my area that I'm sure would be appreciated if they are spending
more time out of the house with funeral arrangements and things
like that.
(Pro-Tip for people still in need of supplies or looking to
re-up for winter - I was able to use a restaurant supply store
website and ordered hand sanitizer, face masks and staples like
a 24 case of tomato paste when none of those things were
available in stores - the tomato paste was 1/2 of what it
normally is in the store and will last us at least a year)
--- Quote from: VorFemme link ---
>
> Following with interest. In very nearly the same situation
>
> My younger brother lost his wife last week. She was an only
child, who had one child by an earlier marriage. Brother and
stepson were at her bed, she died at home on hospice care.
>
> Due to location, nobody lives close, no one can travel to his
area, and they were not church members...so very limited social
circle (cancer diagnosis had her retiring early, and
concentrating on medical matters). He was either with her or at
work...
>
> I know that some money has been sent...but I have my own hands
full with a husband in recovery from cancer treatment last
year...and life in 2020 is not what it was last year...I want to
do the right thing...but I can't figure out the right thing in
this complicated year.
>
--- End Quote ---
VorFemme, I'm so sorry for your families loss - my aunt's
husband died early this summer (not covid related) and she was
in a similar situation, they had moved fora temporary placement
for her job not terribly long before it happened and she was
basically stranded in an unknown city by herself. She has since
been able to transfer back to a city where they lived for many
years and is surrounded by friends which has helped a lot.
I hope your husband is recovering nicely, my dad had 2 *very*
unexpected heart surgeries in September and I've spent the last
6 weeks in despair because I can't go visit/help my mom with his
recovery. He's doing much better, but I'm a *doer* and all this
sitting around doing *nothing* is really getting to me. 2020
has just been awful in terms of making everyone feel helpless.
I feel really blessed that I got to see most of my family at the
tail end of February - they came down to help me celebrate a
milestone birthday and at the time I was a little overwhelmed by
how much we celebrated (I'm a huge introvert and we went out 5
times in one weekend!! with various family members and family
friends with little "recovery time" in between) but now all
these months later it's a huge comfort especially knowing that
it will probably be a "zoom holiday" this year.
Thank you everyone for the advice and for sharing your stories
and similar experiences.
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