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#Post#: 58409--------------------------------------------------
You and Your Mother
By: baritone108 Date: October 3, 2020, 6:45 pm
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I don't think I've ever seen this discussed here. When will
people realize they should not assume what the relationship
between two people is? Within the last 2 1/2 years I've had
someone call a woman my mother out loud in front of both of us
(she's younger than me) and had someone call me my friend's
mother (she's about 5 yrs younger). Again, out loud in front of
both of us. It's really mortifying regardless of whether you're
the "mother" or the "child".
#Post#: 58413--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: bigbadbetty Date: October 3, 2020, 7:21 pm
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My friend has somewhat similar problem except they are assuming
he is not in a relationship. When he is accompanying his husband
on a business trip, he has had the hotel clerk say there's been
a mistake and their room only has one bed. The clerk offers to
move them to a room with two beds. And then he has to explain
that no, he is actually OK sharing a bed with his husband.
#Post#: 58414--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: Winterlight Date: October 3, 2020, 7:23 pm
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I was at a day spa with married friends of mine. The masseuse
asked my woman friend, "Are you here for your daughter's high
school graduation trip?"
She meant me! :o :o
Friend and I were the same age (30s)! :-[ :-[
Fortunately friend was amused. We spent the rest of the trip
with me referring to her as "Mom." Her husband sighed a lot and
rolled his eyes at us.
So, yeah, don't assume. And if you do, keep your lip zipped.
#Post#: 58415--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: lakey Date: October 3, 2020, 8:46 pm
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These stories are almost as bad as people asking a woman with a
belly when the baby is due, then finding out that she isn't
pregnant. I haven't made that mistake, but there was someone
that I worked with that I thought might be pregnant. Fortunately
I never said anything, because she wasn't. Heck, I've seen men
who look 8 months pregnant. As you get older you realize that it
is better to not make assumptions about people.
#Post#: 58416--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: honeybee42 Date: October 3, 2020, 8:53 pm
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And by the same token--throughout my adult life until about the
last decade, when I went places with just my mother, people
would make out-loud assumptions that we were sisters. Now I
think we confuse the daylights out of them, so they don't say
anything because my mom's skin/face definitely looks older
(she's in her 70s), she colors her hair and I don't, so I have
more gray (silver! when I was younger, I always said that if I
inherited my grandfather's silver hair I'd never color it, and I
did inherit it ... it's just a few strands now, but eventually,
I'll have a shiny head of silver hair).
#Post#: 58417--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: OnyxBird Date: October 3, 2020, 9:20 pm
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When I was in college, my brother and I both participated in a
volunteer trip with a student organization that involved several
other groups coming in from various areas of the country. The
first evening included a social event for all of the different
groups to mingle, and after my brother and I had been chatting
with a man from another group for a short time, he made some
comment referring to my brother as my "fiancé." :o :o :o
To this day, I am baffled as to how he reached the very specific
conclusion that the two opposite-sex people he was chatting with
who were friendly with each other but not engaging in any sort
of physical affection/use of endearments/etc. 1) must be in a
romantic relationship rather than platonic friends (or, in our
case, siblings) and 2) that the assumed romantic relationship
was specifically engaged (neither of us wears rings of any sort,
so it's not like he saw something resembling a typical
engagement ring and extrapolated). Assuming we were dating would
have been weird and annoying enough, but the specificity of the
"fiancé" assumption really creeped me out.
#Post#: 58419--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: Rose Red Date: October 3, 2020, 10:10 pm
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I've also had people assume my brother and I are a married
couple. I've also been told we look alike so that feels extra
gross. I just correct them of our real relationship. Most people
just say they're sorry and move on. Except for a hospital that
incorrectly wrote down that he's my husband in the emergency
contact and when I corrected them, kept insisting the form says
"husband." I don't care what your form says Lady. I know my own
freaking brother and you need to use your brain.
#Post#: 58420--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: Gellchom Date: October 3, 2020, 10:15 pm
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So many of these situations are only considered insulting only
because our society considers "old" to be BAD.
I know I'm a broken record on this subject (and that metaphor
shows just how old I am! :)).
But the very fact that it seems to apply to so many situations
just goes to show how pervasive this ageism is.
(That said ... nothing gets my husband to lose weight faster
than when someone thinks he is my father. He is 2 years older
than I am.)
I don't understand why it would be insulting for someone to
mistake siblings for a couple, though. It can happen quite
innocently for a lot of reasons, and anyway, where is the insult
(as opposed to squick factor)? People often quite reasonably
get confused about my brother and me, because he and I have the
same last name, and my husband doesn't. When we were all
younger, too, and they were wearing their beards the same way,
they looked a lot alike, so people got confused and thought that
they were the siblings and I was the married-in.
#Post#: 58425--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: LifeOnPluto Date: October 4, 2020, 12:00 am
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I've also had people assume my brother was my husband. Once, we
took a holiday together to Bali, and the hotel gave us a room
with only (one) double bed, because "you two have the same
surname, so we know you're a married couple!". (This was despite
the fact that we'd specifically booked a a twin room online when
we made our reservations!)
On topic, yes, it's rude to automatically assume a relationship
between two people. Unless I heard one person specifically call
the other woman "Mum", I'd never presume that they must be a
mother-child combo!
#Post#: 58430--------------------------------------------------
Re: You and Your Mother
By: Aleko Date: October 4, 2020, 4:30 am
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[quote]I don't understand why it would be insulting for someone
to mistake siblings for a couple, though. It can happen quite
innocently for a lot of reasons, and anyway, where is the insult
(as opposed to squick factor)?[/quote]
The main reason being, that teens and adults in general go out
and about with their romantic other, or even with a same-sex
sibling, far more often than they do with an opposite-sex
sibling; so that’s the way to bet, if you have to bet.
In 2019 my brother and I took my 90-year-old father to Greece,
because he wanted to see Delphi once more before he dies. We
travelled about quite a bit, and at all our various
accommodations the management naturally assumed that the
twin-bedded room was for DB and me, and the single for DF, and
were surprised when I took possession of the single. We were
neither surprised not offended: it is far commoner to see a
couple travelling with an elderly parent.
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