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#Post#: 57977--------------------------------------------------
Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: September 24, 2020, 3:33 pm
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Today I was at a medical office. The nurse had never met me
before, so she'd either have to memorize my name or keep looking
at the paper, and on top of that the pronunciation of my last
name isn't immediately obvious -- a situation in which "dear,"
"hon," and the dreaded "young lady" (my pet peeve, especially
from people younger than the person they are addressing, which
makes it extra condescending) often appear.
Instead, she called me "my friend" -- e.g., "Come on in, my
friend." I thought that this was a really good choice! Both
familiar and respectful. (If it matters, I would guess she was
in her 30s; I am 63.)
I complimented her and thanked her for teaching me something
valuable today. I think it would be great if "my friend" caught
on as a general term of address. Avoids gender questions, too!
(In English, anyway.)
#Post#: 57984--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: September 24, 2020, 5:19 pm
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that's nice!
I wish that "ma'am" especially didn't get so much opposition.
but "my friend" is nice because it avoids the gender
assumptions, and that can be useful.
#Post#: 57988--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Gellchom
Date: September 24, 2020, 7:30 pm
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I agree. Some people on the old board said they hate being
called "ma'am," which I just find really sad.
"Ma'am" is simply the polite and respectful form of address for
an adult woman, exactly like "Sir" for an adult man.
Men aren't insulted by being acknowledged to be adults. They
insist on it. It is unquestionably condescending or worse to
call a man "young man," "sonny," or "boy." If the equivalent
for women is considered insulting or troubling, what does that
say about our view of grown up women? I am so sorry that there
are still some women who would prefer people to pretend to take
them for girls, not adults, and that there are people who think
it's a compliment to a woman to address and treat her as a girl.
As I recall, the posters who said they don't like being called
"ma'am" said that the reason was that it made them feel old.
Well, there it is -- that's only a problem if you accept that
old (and we aren't even talking about elderly, just fully adult)
is bad -- especially, of course, for women.
To consider "ma'am" anything but respectful and polite is to
validate the idea that youth and looks are what REALLY matter
about a woman -- not the things that come with adulthood, like
experience, competence, knowledge, and sometimes power. It's
bad enough when age is ridiculed, not respected, in both men and
women. But when that ageism is coupled with sexism, such that
acknowledging maturity is respectful for a man but insulting for
a woman, it's really a problem.
#Post#: 57995--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Rho
Date: September 24, 2020, 10:47 pm
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Awww " my friend" is respectful yet comforting. Probably would
lower someones blood pressure count to be called a freind at the
start of a Dr visit!
Says the person with a Ukranian last name and commonly misread
1st name.
#Post#: 58004--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: September 25, 2020, 7:27 am
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I always liked ma'am. I thought it was very respectful. My
friend is kind of nice as well.
#Post#: 58008--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 25, 2020, 8:54 am
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I don't like any of the options discussed above (and not because
they make me feel old but because I think they a all come across
to me as unnecessary and insincere). I feel that in most
circumstances, no form of address is needed.
"May I help you?"
"We are ready for you."
"Right this way."
#Post#: 58022--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Aleko
Date: September 25, 2020, 11:27 am
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--- Quote ---
> I don't like any of the options discussed above (and not
because they make me feel old but because I think they a all
come across to me as unnecessary and insincere). I feel that in
most circumstances, no form of address is needed.
>
> "May I help you?"
> "We are ready for you."
> "Right this way."
--- End Quote ---
This is the traditional British way. When speaking to people we
don't use either titles or names anything like as routinely as
Americans do. (This makes it a lot easier for (for example) DILs
and SILs whose mothers-in-law have invited them to 'just call me
Mummy!': we find it possible to interact with people for
literally decades without calling them anything at all.) When we
do use titles, we rarely start a sentence with them. On
Notalwaysright, for example, I notice that employees' remarks to
customers and clients often begin 'Sir ...' Nobody would
naturally do that in Britain; if anyone uses the word it ends
the sentence, and what's more it frequently implies irony or
outright menace. If a British policeman says mildly 'I wouldn't
do that if I were you, sir' - don't do it.
#Post#: 58023--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: September 25, 2020, 11:28 am
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Gellchom, this was nice to read because I use friend a lot and
people seem to respond to it well. I'm glad you like it. I have
a co-worker who does it and when he used it with me, probably 12
years ago, I liked the way it felt on the receiving end. I
hesitated to adopt it because I thought people would think it
was too familiar, but then thought about how I liked it and did
a little "test run" with it. It's never been poorly received and
I don't even think about it anymore. (Given how much I
overthought it initially it was funny that I didn't even think I
do it until I read this thread.)
It is very nice when I don't know someone's pronouns or gender
identification. I also prefer it when I'm starting a morning
meeting and "Ladies and Gentleman" feels gender biased. I'll
say, or "Welcome friends" or "Honored Guests" or "Distinguished
Guests."
#Post#: 58030--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 25, 2020, 12:07 pm
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--- Quote from: PVZFan link ---
>
> I also prefer it when I'm starting a morning meeting and
"Ladies and Gentleman" feels gender biased. I'll say, or
"Welcome friends" or "Honored Guests" or "Distinguished Guests."
>
--- End Quote ---
I think different people just naturally prefer different things.
I don't like false intimacy, personally, whether giving or
receiving, so I would never say "Welcome friends" and while it
doesn't offend me it doesn't make me feel "warm and fuzzy"
either. I think it more just makes me think "that's kinda weird"
if said by someone who does not even know me.
When I do presentations or run meetings I typically start with,
"Good morning! Thank you for being here. Our first topic....."
The more I think about this the more certain I am that I avoid
using terms like sir, ma'am, friend, etc in general! I also ask
people to address me by my first name because I don't like to be
referred to as Mrs. My Husband's name or Ms. My
Maiden/Professional name. I am a lawyer and it makes me CRAZY to
call another lawyer and have his or her assistant say, "Attorney
Smith is not in." Do they seriously refer to their coworker,
even if that coworker is their boss, as Attorney Smith?!?!?
#Post#: 58032--------------------------------------------------
Re: Remember the "Young Lady" discussion? I learned a
brilliant approach today
DIR By: holly firestorm
Date: September 25, 2020, 12:25 pm
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I'm "of a certain age" but don't always mind the "young lady"
address when it's obviously used in a respectfully friendly way
by people my age or older. I figure by calling me "young lady"
they are just trying to view themselves as a "young lady" or
"young gentleman" themselves.
I don't mind being called "Ma'am" or "Miss" for that matter.
But, the "Honey" and "Sweetie" and "Baby" stuff really annoys
me. I really resent the "Baby" stuff when it's used by a woman
(or man, but, it's usually a woman) who's younger or at least no
older than I am. It's obviously a passive aggressive power play
and I will address them as "Sweetie" "Cutie" "Doll" or something
as equally diminutive and pseudo-friendly...and with a smile on
my face.
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