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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 57886--------------------------------------------------
Wedding announcement.
By: SioCat Date: September 23, 2020, 5:35 pm
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If you wanted to let people know that you were getting married,
but you didn’t want to invite them to the wedding, how would you
do this? When I look up wedding announcements, all I find are
invitations. And I wouldn’t know how to word something like
this. Or would you wait till after the wedding and send them a
wedding favor?
Any suggestions?
#Post#: 57887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: QueenFaninCA Date: September 23, 2020, 5:56 pm
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Announcements are usually sent after the wedding but I don't see
the need to include a favor.
I think traditionally they were sent out by the parents of the
bride announcing their daughter's marriage (and to whom).
#Post#: 57888--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 23, 2020, 6:12 pm
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If I received a wedding announcement prior to the wedding, I may
think that it was a save the date or even an invitation. It
might cause an awkward situation when you have to explain to
someone that actually they are not invited. I think I would wait
until afterwards for any sort of formal announcement.
#Post#: 57890--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: TootsNYC Date: September 23, 2020, 6:16 pm
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"wedding announcements" should be an entry in every etiquette
reference book.
They are normally mailed the day after the wedding, though they
can be mailed a little later. I wouldn't wait more than month,
though.
They are not supposed to carry any whiff of "you should send a
present" (though they are so seldom used that people unused to
the formal wording might huff that they think it's a gift grab).
And therefore, you shouldn't send a favor--partly because it's
unnecessary, and partly because it might carry a hint that a
gift is expected.
Of course, some people might feel moved to give a gift upon
hearing that news, which is totally up to them.
The formal wording is
[quote]Mr. and Mrs. James Welch are honored to announce the
marriage of their daughter
Ashley Michelle
to Mr. Derek Scott Jamison
Saturday, the twenty-sixth of September
two thousand and twenty
Petaluma, California[/quote]
(that's from this post:
HTML https://www.brides.com/story/how-to-send-wedding-announcements
)
You can add the "at home" wording to indicate a new address and
whether a name change was involved ("at home: Mr. and Mrs. Derek
Jamison, 333 West Pistol Drive, Anytown, MA 99999;
555-867-5309")
Of course, a less formal wording is also acceptable nowadays,
and the best of all is a short handwritten note.
#Post#: 57896--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: Gellchom Date: September 23, 2020, 9:57 pm
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Toots is exactly right (and she knows this stuff!). After the
wedding.
Wedding announcements are so rare now, at least in my world -- I
can't remember the last time I've gotten one, if ever. Before
social media (and even the telephone), other than an item in the
local newspaper, announcements were the only way of letting
people know about the marriage. But today, we have so many
social media platforms that word gets around to the community
generally and eventually to those who don't use social media.
So the purpose of announcements isn't as important, and, to the
point here, not as obvious.
Because they are so rare, I fear that there is a very great risk
that they would feel almost like, "We had a wedding, and you
didn't make the cut." For that reason, definitely do not send
people party favors; think of the effect of sending people
souvenirs of any party they weren't invited to (can you imagine
doing that after a child's birthday party?). I do think too
that you run a significant risk of some people feeling like the
announcement is a hint for a gift.
I would skip announcements and let people who won't find out
naturally know some other way. If you are moving or changing
your names, that's ideal, because the new address and/or name is
your excuse for the communication. You could write emails or
send out "new address" cards that also mention that you got
married. You could even mention it in Christmas cards if you
send them or any other correspondence you're doing anyway.
#Post#: 57899--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: September 23, 2020, 10:17 pm
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It was my understanding also that a wedding announcement would
serve to let people know: New name, new address. More of an
update rather than anything to do with gifts. I agree with those
who say not to include a favor. This is sending out information,
not celebrating an event.
#Post#: 57900--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: SioCat Date: September 23, 2020, 10:48 pm
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Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer,
with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of
my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA
and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a
way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!
#Post#: 57907--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: Gellchom Date: September 24, 2020, 7:16 am
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I am reconsidering the idea of announcements, during the
COVID-19 era.
Everyone knows that people are now very limited in how many
people they can invite to any event. So an announcement still
communicates that there was a wedding and the recipient wasn’t
invited, but given the limits placed on numbers, it’s not as
likely to feel insulting as it might otherwise. Some recipients
might feel a little hinted at to send a gift, though.
Probably the best thing to do in this situation is the same
thing as in so many situations: instead of trying to think of a
rule or a guiding principle, look at the real people and the
real facts in your own real situation. In this case, that means:
write out a list of the people that you want to inform. Consider
for each of them what is the best way to do that. How might they
expect to get news from you? Facebook or Instagram? An email? A
phone call? Grapevine? Announcement? You may end up doing
different things for different people. Anyway, the point is not
to try to decide this in the abstract, but in your real
situation.
#Post#: 57914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: lowspark Date: September 24, 2020, 7:52 am
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[quote author=SioCat link=topic=1867.msg57900#msg57900
date=1600919299]
Thanks, everyone! I moved back to my home state this summer,
with my partner. We will be getting married next month. All of
my friends and coworkers from the last 13 years are back in VA
and wouldn’t be able to make it. I was just hoping there was a
way to let them all know. Thanks for the advice anyway!
[/quote]
I think for this case, I would definitely send a wedding
announcement to those folks. I agree with sending it after. And
you can make it as formal or as casual as you want.
SioCat and Partner are happy to announce
We tied the knot!
Saturday, September 26, 2020
in a private ceremony in Petaluma, California
I also agree with not sending a favor. Just a simple card will
do.
Or, if there aren't too many, a personal handwritten note, as
Toots suggested. Those are becoming so rare these days, it would
be a really nice touch.
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1867.msg57890#msg57890
date=1600902990]
555-867-5309
[/quote]
I see what you did there.
#Post#: 57916--------------------------------------------------
Re: Wedding announcement.
By: DaDancingPsych Date: September 24, 2020, 7:57 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1867.msg57907#msg57907
date=1600949787]
I am reconsidering the idea of announcements, during the
COVID-19 era.
Everyone knows that people are now very limited in how many
people they can invite to any event. So an announcement still
communicates that there was a wedding and the recipient wasn’t
invited, but given the limits placed on numbers, it’s not as
likely to feel insulting as it might otherwise. Some recipients
might feel a little hinted at to send a gift, though.
Probably the best thing to do in this situation is the same
thing as in so many situations: instead of trying to think of a
rule or a guiding principle, look at the real people and the
real facts in your own real situation. In this case, that means:
write out a list of the people that you want to inform. Consider
for each of them what is the best way to do that. How might they
expect to get news from you? Facebook or Instagram? An email? A
phone call? Grapevine? Announcement? You may end up doing
different things for different people. Anyway, the point is not
to try to decide this in the abstract, but in your real
situation.
[/quote]
I wanted to say this, but I would have never worded it as
clearly as Gellchom. Etiquette is a beautiful thing to help us
navigate life, but the final decision should almost always be a
"real world" one.
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