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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 59115--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: Gellchom Date: October 17, 2020, 12:12 pm
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1866.msg59108#msg59108
date=1602907950]
This is where I fall too. If I were getting married and having a
Zoom wedding, I wouldn't invite any extra guests over and above
the number I would have invited, had they been attending in
person.
[/quote]
That makes sense, but the problem is that now we are getting out
of the period where Zoom or live streamed weddings are
rescheduled in-person events that were already planned or in the
process of planning. In those cases, the hosts know how many
they had originally invited or were planning to invite.
But now, where weddings are being planned remotely from the
get-go, no one --including the hosts -- knows what that number
would have been. They never had planned for an in-person
wedding, so how can anyone say that the number that would have
been invited was an intimate 30, a festive 300, or anything in
between? The bride, the groom, and their families might all
have had different pictures in their heads, or might not have
even thought about it at all. It would be difficult to try to
imagine it -- especially without pricing venues and services and
the like to see what your parameters would have been, which
would be a real waste of everyone's time.
#Post#: 59732--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: IWish Date: November 3, 2020, 9:31 am
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Small update: The wedding was this weekend. It appeared to be
only immediate family in live attendance. There were probably
around 10 Zoom logins. I'm not sure how many Zoom invites were
sent. It was a sweet wedding with heartfelt vows and cute
decorations. I'm sure they missed having a large church wedding
but they did their best given the circumstances.
#Post#: 59747--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: jpcher Date: November 3, 2020, 2:22 pm
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Thanks for the update, IWish . . . do you still think that you
were b-listed?
#Post#: 59765--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: IWish Date: November 4, 2020, 9:16 am
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jpcher, I no longer feel that way given that it was only
immediate family in attendance and the small number of Zoom
attendees.
#Post#: 60019--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: bopper Date: November 11, 2020, 1:20 pm
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I say to do what you would do if you were invited in person.
To me, one reason we do wedding gifts/showers is to help a new
couple get set up in life.
This person is set up in life if it is a second wedding.
Also, how close do you feel to this person?
#Post#: 60046--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: Gellchom Date: November 12, 2020, 6:59 am
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It’s not the B list — it’s the Z list!
I wonder if that’s a thing already.
#Post#: 72230--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: Gellchom Date: December 5, 2021, 7:25 am
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I’m reviving this discussion because enough time has passed for
more of us to see this situation come up in our communities and
share what we’ve learned. Even with vaccines and tests, hosts
and HCs still don’t know in advance what the rules will be from
week to week, let alone far enough in the future to plan
weddings.
It occurs to me that this might be part of the reason that my
young cousins have been planning these expensive and
inconvenient glamping type wedding plans. I had assumed it was
just a trend to Make Our Wedding Special!!!!!! Not unlike some
destination weddings. But now I think maybe it’s because it’s
prudent to plan an all-outdoor event because of the pandemic.
No one wants their wedding plans derailed, much less to have
their wedding become a spreader event.
How have your thoughts evolved, if at all?
#Post#: 72231--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite (update #41)
By: DaDancingPsych Date: December 5, 2021, 4:06 pm
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[quote author=gellchom link=topic=1866.msg72230#msg72230
date=1638710749]
How have your thoughts evolved, if at all?
[/quote]
Not really. I have attended two weddings since then. One was
virtual (a live stream where there was no way to really let the
couple know you were there.) I found it boring and caught myself
nodding off. I was surprised to receive the invitation (not
close to the couple), which was super informal through email.
Had I been invited in-person, I might have attended... or maybe
not. I normally would have sent a gift, but the couple
specifically requested no gifts. Plus, when I saw the couple a
few months prior, they mentioned that they wanted to have an
in-person party / reception sometime down the road. Again, I
don't know if I will also attend that, but I figure that might
be the more appropriate time to send a gift.
I will say that it was super nice not to have to dress for the
event. I only spent 30 minutes of my day viewing the ceremony
(and as mentioned, it didn't matter how tired I was.) It was the
perfect investment of my time according to my relationship with
them. I am calling this Zoom invitation a win for that!
The other was an in-person wedding. I had planned to attend
pre-covid, but it got postponed a year. I wasn't thrilled by the
lack of covid precautions, but I was vaccinated and was as
careful as I could be. I also sent my RSVP at a moment when I
thought things would improve... it was a tough decision to not
bail. The size did seem on the small side, but I don't know if
they paired down or if many people opted not to attend. In the
end, I'm glad that I could attend. I would not have enjoyed this
one as much through Zoom.
I wanted to add that I have also attended a few other virtual
events within the past year. Not weddings, but other types of
gatherings. My favorite ones were those where there was some
sort of participant interaction like a chat box. Also, it feels
super disjointed when the live participants do not acknowledge
the virtual ones. I would recommend that any couple streaming
their ceremony also plan a camera moment. It doesn't have to be
long, but just say something like "Just wanted a close-up to
thank everyone for logging in. We're sad that you are not here,
but [insert any personal feelings or comments]." Short sweet,
but feels more personal.
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