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#Post#: 58261--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: TootsNYC Date: September 30, 2020, 5:43 pm
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I think attendance for Zoom weddings will fall off REALLY
quickly post-pandemic. Attending might be cheap, but it's also
not appealing.
And I think guests still know how close they are to the couple,
and they'll make very similar decisions about whether to give a
gift. I think for most people, they kind of know whether they
want to be generous or whether they want to kind of brush it
off.
#Post#: 58271--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: Gellchom Date: September 30, 2020, 8:29 pm
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LOL! Well, that wasn't a very long wait ....
We got an invitation, I think by private Facebook group, not a
"come one come all" Facebook post -- can't find it right now --
to a Zoom wedding. The family are active congregants of the
congregation where my husband is clergy, but we have never
socialized with them. I'm sure that we would have been invited
if my husband were performing the wedding; it's pretty rude not
to, especially because they do know us.
But he's not officiating at this wedding. So I doubt that we
would have been invited had it been an in-person wedding rather
than Zoom.
Still, I can't say it was for a gift grab. I think maybe they
just realized that there really was no limit on how many people
they could invite to a Zoom wedding, so why not be inclusive? --
that kind of thing. They are nice people. I don't want to
assume the worst.
But I can see that this really creates an issue for hosts/HCs.
What really is the right criterion for a Zoom wedding? It's
easy to say it's the same as for any other wedding, but I don't
think so, even just for questions like inviting kids, too, and
such. It's just not exactly the same thing. And most people
don't want to look gift-grabby, but it may not occur to them
that they might be making that impression. Similarly, for
guests, it's a different matter on whether to accept or not when
so little effort and cost is required.
It's true that Zoom weddings are not as fun as in-person. But
it is nice to be able to attend when you might not otherwise
have been able to. It's not just cheap, it's so easy and fast.
Our grandson's bris had people from all over the world. So
there is an up side, too, and I bet we will be seeing more live
events combined with livestreaming, if not Zoom.
#Post#: 58293--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: TootsNYC Date: October 1, 2020, 8:04 am
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Oh, I wasn't knocking Zoom events. Just that the enticements and
pressures will be different. I think that people who don't care
as much will be more likely to not tune in even if they might
have attended in person.
#Post#: 58295--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: Aleko Date: October 1, 2020, 8:27 am
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[quote]But I can see that this really creates an issue for
hosts/HCs. What really is the right criterion for a Zoom
wedding? It's easy to say it's the same as for any other
wedding, but I don't think so, even just for questions like
inviting kids, too, and such. It's just not exactly the same
thing. And most people don't want to look gift-grabby, but it
may not occur to them that they might be making that impression.
Similarly, for guests, it's a different matter on whether to
accept or not when so little effort and cost is required.
[/quote]
I agree. When you're drawing up an invitation list for an actual
physical wedding invite, your list is limited by your budget,
the size of the venue, the distance potential guests will have
to travel, etc. And people know that; your second cousins twice
removed who live on the other side of the ocean are never going
to pay the airfare to come, so you naturally don't invite them
and they don't feel in the least snubbed because they never
expected you to. With a Zoom wedding, lacking those constraints,
they could 'attend', so do you invite them? Will it seem like a
gift grab (because they know and you know that you wouldn't have
dreamed of inviting them to a physical event) if you do? Will it
seem like a snub if you don't? If you do invite them, will they
feel obligated to take a day's leave and sit at a computer
screen all day (or all night, given time zones) for fear of
snubbing you? All very tricky.
#Post#: 58302--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: Gellchom Date: October 1, 2020, 10:51 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1866.msg58293#msg58293
date=1601557473]
Oh, I wasn't knocking Zoom events. Just that the enticements and
pressures will be different. I think that people who don't care
as much will be more likely to not tune in even if they might
have attended in person.
[/quote]
I think I’d guess the opposite, especially for out of town
events.
#Post#: 58321--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: TootsNYC Date: October 1, 2020, 4:41 pm
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I'd have to love the person a lot to want to sit and watch the
wedding on Zoom.
#Post#: 58348--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 2, 2020, 8:15 am
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Has anyone attended a Zoom wedding? I can picture two versions.
The one I see on the news and in a movie recently released (I
won't spoil, so we'll leave it at that) where all participants
can be seen on the screen and can interact with each other. A
true Zoom conference call. This would be more fun as you could
act as more of a wedding guests. However, it really only works
if less than ten people are invited. Any more guests and
everyone is talking over each other! This might be a little fun
as I could at least wish the happy couple well and say hello to
a few other guests.
Or more of a live stream where you can see and hear everything,
but don't really interact with anyone. To me, this is like
watching the wedding video after the fact and could become long
and boring. For most couples, I would probably prefer to just
watch the highlights.
I am simply trying to figure out how these work! :)
#Post#: 58449--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: Gellchom Date: October 4, 2020, 7:41 pm
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So today I ran into (at an outside, socially distanced event!)
that man who invited us to be Zoom attendees at his daughter's
wedding later this month. He asked in a sort of roundabout way
if we would be attending; I don't especially want to, but I
couldn't really think of an excuse, so I said we would -- NBD.
I learned a few things about the wedding pertinent to this
discussion.
- they hope to be able to have up to 30-40 people in live
attendance
- they invited 200 by Zoom (not sure whether or not that
includes the live attendees).
- I asked if it hadn't been during the pandemic and they could
have had a regular wedding, how many people they would have had.
He said they hadn't really thought about it, because the
couple only got engaged fairly recently, so it had never been an
option, but maybe around 100.
So this is sort of an example of what I'm wondering about. I
don't think they invited the let's-say-100 additional guests in
order to maximize their take. I mean, if that were the case,
why not 500? 800? They are nice people (although I just found
out today that the groom's parents are people I knew long ago,
and they are real nutters!) I think that they just figured that
the Zoom event made it possible for them to invite more people
that they really do like than if they had had to host a live
event. But it's still double. And others may indeed invite 500
or more to a Zoom or live stream wedding, because why not? The
more the merrier, and you aren't putting people on the spot to
have to travel or even dress up, hire a sitter, park, etc., or
even spend more than just an hour or so, not devote half a day
or more. All of that is actually quite reasonable.
So what does it all mean? If this kind of thing snowballs --
and there is really no reason to think it will not continue
after the pandemic ends someday, either -- guests will be
invited to weddings several times a year. It's pretty hard to
turn down an invitation that is so easy to accept without being
insulting.
But even if no one is doing it to be gift grabby, that could
mean an awfully big wedding gift budget, especially for people
you don't care all that much about. My husband thinks that
accepting an invitation to a Zoom event doesn't carry the same
expectation of or need to give a gift as usual. But I'm not so
sure. It comes down to the fact that the gift is for the
marriage, not the wedding. At the same time, if people invite
people who would not ordinarily make the cut -- I don't mean a
few more, I mean, "What the heck! Let's invite everyone we
think might like it" -- it doesn't feel like it's the same as
usual.
What do you think? Take this wedding for example. Does it make
a difference that there will be 30-40 live attendees, although
that's not their choice, just the rules? Does it matter that it
is 200, not 500? Does it matter that I doubt we would have been
invited had they had 100 people at a live event? That the
invitation was via Facebook? Does any of it matter in terms of
whether the hosts are doing anything rude or pushy or grabby or
whatever? Does any of it affect what you would do about a gift?
I am really interested in everyone's opinions.
#Post#: 58450--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: TootsNYC Date: October 4, 2020, 7:54 pm
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1866.msg58348#msg58348
date=1601644531]
Has anyone attended a Zoom wedding? I can picture two versions.
The one I see on the news and in a movie recently released (I
won't spoil, so we'll leave it at that) where all participants
can be seen on the screen and can interact with each other. A
true Zoom conference call. This would be more fun as you could
act as more of a wedding guests. However, it really only works
if less than ten people are invited. Any more guests and
everyone is talking over each other! This might be a little fun
as I could at least wish the happy couple well and say hello to
a few other guests.
[/quote]
This could work with more people if you had a moderator, and
people participated in shifts, sort of.
#Post#: 58467--------------------------------------------------
Re: When a Zoom invite is a B List invite
By: gramma dishes Date: October 5, 2020, 8:25 am
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[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1866.msg58449#msg58449
date=1601858519]
...
What do you think? Take this wedding for example. Does it make
a difference that there will be 30-40 live attendees, although
that's not their choice, just the rules? Does it matter that it
is 200, not 500? Does it matter that I doubt we would have been
invited had they had 100 people at a live event? That the
invitation was via Facebook? Does any of it matter in terms of
whether the hosts are doing anything rude or pushy or grabby or
whatever? Does any of it affect what you would do about a gift?
I am really interested in everyone's opinions.
[/quote]
Yes. It would matter to me. If I felt reasonably sure I would
not have been invited to a conventional wedding had it been
possible and if I had received my invitation by email, I would
not feel that the bride and groom really wanted the 'honor of my
presence' at their wedding and I would not "attend" or send a
gift.
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