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#Post#: 57434--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: September 15, 2020, 9:54 pm
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Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would
have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you
spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying
anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that
Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people,
and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and
angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful
person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself
is not someone I choose to be around.
#Post#: 57437--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: HenrysMom Date: September 15, 2020, 10:53 pm
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[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1852.msg57434#msg57434
date=1600224882]
Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would
have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you
spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying
anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that
Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people,
and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and
angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful
person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself
is not someone I choose to be around.
[/quote]
This. This is the kind of person I think of as “we have plans
unless something better comes along” type. It makes one feel
inferior, like a second-tier friend.
#Post#: 57470--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: sms Date: September 16, 2020, 12:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1852.msg57437#msg57437
date=1600228414]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1852.msg57434#msg57434
date=1600224882]
Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would
have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you
spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying
anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that
Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people,
and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and
angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful
person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself
is not someone I choose to be around.
[/quote]
This. This is the kind of person I think of as “we have plans
unless something better comes along” type. It makes one feel
inferior, like a second-tier friend.
[/quote]
Well yeah...that is how it makes you feel. I know her well
enough to know it isn't deliberate and it's more of a "can't say
no" issue but still.
I remember giving her the gears about it at the time but today
if that happened I would be a lot angrier.
#Post#: 57487--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: HenrysMom Date: September 16, 2020, 3:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Xainte link=topic=1852.msg57470#msg57470
date=1600278110]
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1852.msg57437#msg57437
date=1600228414]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1852.msg57434#msg57434
date=1600224882]
Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would
have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you
spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying
anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that
Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people,
and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and
angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful
person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself
is not someone I choose to be around.
[/quote]
This. This is the kind of person I think of as “we have plans
unless something better comes along” type. It makes one feel
inferior, like a second-tier friend.
[/quote]
Well yeah...that is how it makes you feel. I know her well
enough to know it isn't deliberate and it's more of a "can't say
no" issue but still.
I remember giving her the gears about it at the time but today
if that happened I would be a lot angrier.
[/quote]
“But, I can’t say no!” Yeah right. I’ve had too many people
say that to me in the past and I put up with it, because they’d
say “you’re my best friend.” Not if they cancel/change/derail
plans on me last minute - nowadays if anyone does that to me,
it’s fade out time.
It’s funny (bemused rather than ha ha, well, maybe ha ha too)
when I pull back on them, because they don’t understand why and
I can’t be bothered to explain it to them. They will never “get
it,” so why try?
#Post#: 57502--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: DebraDoda Date: September 16, 2020, 5:35 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Xainte link=topic=1852.msg57356#msg57356
date=1600105157]
It reminds me of an incident in a long ago weekend visit. We
had plans to hit a nice outdoor market and then had dinner
reservations at an Italian place. Her place is pretty "open
door" with people dropping by a lot ( the 1:30 am this time
threw me a little though )
So people dropped by and stayed and stayed. I caught her eye
and signalled the time - she nodded but kept up the conversation
and the drinks. And they stayed. Soon it was too late to go to
the market and an hour later we missed our dinner reservation.
Our dinner was Subway that night. After they finally left she
apologized but was acting helpless as though she had no control
over the situation. I was spitting nails inside but tried to
control it. I did ask why she just didn't tell them that we had
reservations and we needed to leave? Again with a helpless
shrug. She seems to have trouble with this.
[/quote]
Oh jeez. That would totally frost my brownies. You're kinder
than I am, visiting her again after that!
#Post#: 57508--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: sms Date: September 16, 2020, 7:59 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=mrs_deb link=topic=1852.msg57502#msg57502
date=1600295752]
[quote author=Xainte link=topic=1852.msg57356#msg57356
date=1600105157]
It reminds me of an incident in a long ago weekend visit. We
had plans to hit a nice outdoor market and then had dinner
reservations at an Italian place. Her place is pretty "open
door" with people dropping by a lot ( the 1:30 am this time
threw me a little though )
So people dropped by and stayed and stayed. I caught her eye
and signalled the time - she nodded but kept up the conversation
and the drinks. And they stayed. Soon it was too late to go to
the market and an hour later we missed our dinner reservation.
Our dinner was Subway that night. After they finally left she
apologized but was acting helpless as though she had no control
over the situation. I was spitting nails inside but tried to
control it. I did ask why she just didn't tell them that we had
reservations and we needed to leave? Again with a helpless
shrug. She seems to have trouble with this.
[/quote]
Oh jeez. That would totally frost my brownies. You're kinder
than I am, visiting her again after that!
[/quote]
Oh it did! I would be a lot less tolerant now believe me! I've
been friends with her for a long time - kids really - so I
suppose I have a big soft spot for her. But really - it's
unacceptable.
#Post#: 57519--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: LifeOnPluto Date: September 17, 2020, 6:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
If I was going to bed anyway, it honestly wouldn't bother me if
my friend wanted to go out partying at 1am. However, if I
thought we were going to stay up a bit later chatting and
catching up, I'd feel a bit hurt.
(Also, I'm a few years younger than y'all, and the very thought
of going out partying at 1am makes me feel exhausted!!)
The other incident you described, about missing your trip to the
markets and the dinner reservation, would definitely annoy me!
In that situation, I personally might have let the markets go,
but when dinner approached, I'd be saying nicely to my friend
"Hey, perhaps we'd better get going so we don't miss our dinner
reservations?". I don't think that would be rude.
#Post#: 57532--------------------------------------------------
Re: They will party all night...
By: sms Date: September 17, 2020, 8:04 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1852.msg57487#msg57487
date=1600287997]
[quote author=Xainte link=topic=1852.msg57470#msg57470
date=1600278110]
[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=1852.msg57437#msg57437
date=1600228414]
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=1852.msg57434#msg57434
date=1600224882]
Lynne may be a very nice person, and a great friend, but I would
have dropped her a long time ago. In the long ago incident you
spoke of, I don't know if I would have been capable of saying
anything at the time, because deep down, I would worry that
Lynne really preferred to spend the time with the other people,
and that our plans were happily ignored. I would be hurt and
angry and frustrated. Like I said, she may be a wonderful
person, but someone who would make me feel that bad about myself
is not someone I choose to be around.
[/quote]
This. This is the kind of person I think of as “we have plans
unless something better comes along” type. It makes one feel
inferior, like a second-tier friend.
[/quote]
Well yeah...that is how it makes you feel. I know her well
enough to know it isn't deliberate and it's more of a "can't say
no" issue but still.
I remember giving her the gears about it at the time but today
if that happened I would be a lot angrier.
[/quote]
“But, I can’t say no!” Yeah right. I’ve had too many people
say that to me in the past and I put up with it, because they’d
say “you’re my best friend.” Not if they cancel/change/derail
plans on me last minute - nowadays if anyone does that to me,
it’s fade out time.
It’s funny (bemused rather than ha ha, well, maybe ha ha too)
when I pull back on them, because they don’t understand why and
I can’t be bothered to explain it to them. They will never “get
it,” so why try?
[/quote]
Right! I have learned the hard way that it is possible to be
too easygoing and too accommodating. In my younger days I
thought i was being the stalwart, solid friend but in reality I
was just getting walked all over.
I still don't think she has any ill intentions and I know from
other areas of her life that she has trouble saying no but
trying to do everything and make everyone happy never works.
I'm a lot firmer now with a lot of things but last weekend I
felt a bit put on the spot. I didn't want to "demand" the
evening end but I also didn't want to be going along with an
all-nighter.
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