DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 57091--------------------------------------------------
Bequest
By: Isisnin Date: September 8, 2020, 10:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Sadly, my little sister passed away last November (2019). She
lived in another country and I visited her while she was ill. At
that time, she asked me to join her for a meeting with her
attorney and accountant. The attorney couldn't make it. Sister
told the accountant that my niece was to get her diamond ring.
She was clear and lucid about that. It didn't occur to me to
offer to get the ring and bring it back with me, most likely
because my flight was in 4 hours. I regret that now.
Due to Covid lock downs, we only just had her home-town memorial
during which I saw the ring. Sister's brother-in-law had sent it
a few months prior (sister's husband is deceased). It wasn't a
diamond ring. It was the ruby ring her 1st husband had given
her. I presume the diamond ring is the engagement ring Sister's
2nd deceased husband had given her.
I've been wondering if I should tell my brother (niece's father)
and my other sister that that is not the ring. Of course, there
is a chance that I am wrong, but I don't see how. Sister said
diamond and she was lucid. But my brother is very emotional
about anything concerning sister. He has also made it clear that
we should leave everything concerning Sister's estate to her
in-laws (she didn't have any children).
But it bugs me that Sister's bequeathed a diamond ring to our
niece yet the niece was sent a ruby ring (and a friend of the
in-laws had mentioned to me that the brother-in-law and Sister's
husband hadn't been getting along before the husband passed.
However, brother-in-law, the accountant, and the attorney were
all listed as executioners of Sister's estate.
Admittedly, I am also surprised that we haven't heard anything
about any bequests in her will. I am wondering if I should call
the attorney about that. If I do and my brother hears about it,
he'll hit the roof. But he is very naive and inexperienced at
life.
Any thoughts on what I should or should not do?
#Post#: 57092--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: Mrs Rat Date: September 8, 2020, 10:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry for your loss.
If possible I would e-mail the attorney and cc in the other two
people listed as executioners of Sister's estate, mentioning
somewhat along the lines "as requested by my sister to myself
and accountant during our meeting at the time"
Too bad if your brother hits the roof, you're just trying to do
what your sister wanted.
Best of luck.
#Post#: 57112--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: Hmmm Date: September 9, 2020, 9:00 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Agreeing with Mrs. Rat.
To me, the most important thing is that your sister's wished be
carried out.
I would contact the attorney and ask about the bequest. State
that your sister stated the diamond ring would be left to your
niece and this was said in the presence of the accountant. Ask
if the will stated which ring or just indicated "engagement
ring".
If I understand the players:
BIL/Executor is the brother of her 2nd husband
2nd husband gave her the diamond ring in question
Ruby ring was given by her first husband. The family of the 2nd
husband have no emotional ties to the ruby ring.
So I can kind of see if the will just said "engagement ring" why
they'd go with sending the niece the ruby one and hanging on to
the diamond one. But I do think you need to ask the attorney
about how the bequest was phrased.
And let your brother hit the roof. He does not control you or
your actions unless you are financially dependent on him.
#Post#: 57119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: TootsNYC Date: September 9, 2020, 10:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I might check with the niece, how she feels. If she actually
prefers the ruby ring, maybe leave it alone.
#Post#: 57124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: SnappyLT Date: September 9, 2020, 11:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I, too, am sorry for your loss.
First, I agree with Toots: if the niece likes the ruby ring, I
think it is best to say nothing.
Second, I am not an attorney, so I could be wrong, but my
understanding is that (in my own country, at least) a written
will would ordinarily override a spoken comment made in front of
an accountant. If the written will disposes of the diamond ring
differently, I wonder if the niece would have much of a legal
case. (?)
Doesn't an executor have a duty to follow the instructions of
the written will, and not what people say the person who died
said aloud?
I'm sorry; that last sentence makes it sound like I don't
believe the OP. I do believe the OP is telling the truth. I'm
just under the impression that an executor has a legal duty to
carry out the written instructions in the will.
Now, after the executor has carried out those written
instructions, if someone has inherited a particular item and
makes a voluntary choice to give that item to someone else,
well, that would be a kindness.
#Post#: 57138--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: oogyda Date: September 9, 2020, 2:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I would not mention the ring to your brother or sister. That
would be something to discuss with the executor of your Little
sister's estate.
So, there's that and the fact that you would like to contact
executor on your own behalf. I suggest you contact that person.
Too bad if your brother doesn't want you to. While I don't know
the family dynamics and assuming you're an adult.....he
shouldn't get that much say in how you conduct yourself.
#Post#: 57143--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: gramma dishes Date: September 9, 2020, 4:15 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Why do you care if your brother hits the roof? You should have
been informed all along of what is going on there. I'd
certainly contact the lawyer and express your concerns. Such a
strange combination of people acting as executors!
#Post#: 57146--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: Isisnin Date: September 9, 2020, 5:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks everyone.
Hmmm, you're right on the players:
If I understand the players:
BIL/Executor is the brother of her 2nd husband
2nd husband gave her the diamond ring in question
Ruby ring was given by her first husband. The family of the
2nd husband have no emotional ties to the ruby ring.
The bequest was verbal though. I have no idea if Sister had any
bequests in her will.
My niece is happy with the ruby ring. But then, she only knows
that Sister wanted her to have a ring. She doesn't know that
Sister said diamond ring. I really don't want to tell brother
and niece that it was supposed to be a diamond ring 'cause if
she doesn't get it, knowing that the ruby is the wrong ring will
be hurtful to her.
My brother is used to being the one in charge of such things
since each of my parents had made him executor of their estates.
But my Sister made me the family representative via an email, so
it's an adjustment for him to not be the final decision-maker.
He was upset with me when I clarified with the other country's
funeral home that her funeral expenses there were to be charged
to her estate before I gave them my approval for the funeral
planned by the in-laws. I stood my ground, pointing out that we
should not assume anything about another country's traditions or
laws (in this case being that final expenses are to be paid from
the estate).
I have been surprised that I haven't heard from Sister's
attorney about the estate even though her house was sold last
Dec (per the internet real estate records). But in this
conversation with you all, it hit me that maybe the attorney
might be waiting to hear from us about final expenses here (and
the memorial here was just last weekend due to Covid). My
brother was so upset with grief that he insisted we (the
siblings) pay the hometown expenses and not charge the estate.
But the attorney hasn't been told that.
So that's a good reason for me to call the attorney. In that
conversation, I can ask if the diamond ring was mentioned in the
will. See if he contradicts the word "diamond", e.g. "the will
said ruby not diamond" or "the will just said "engagement". It
didn't specify the kind of stone". Play it by ear.
My Sister was really not into drama or "family politics" as she
called these things, so I am trying to delicately clarify the
situation without drama.
Oogyda, I like your point that brother shouldn't get that much
say in how I conduct myself. I might point that out to brother
one of these says.
Thanks all.
#Post#: 57279--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bequest
By: LifeOnPluto Date: September 12, 2020, 12:26 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think it's a good idea to get in touch with the attorney.
Depending on what jurisdiction you live in, you might also be
eligible to view a copy of the will itself. Wouldn't hurt to
ask.
*****************************************************