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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 57072--------------------------------------------------
What an interesting question aka That's really not any of your b
usiness
By: holly firestorm Date: September 8, 2020, 5:29 pm
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I remember this was a topic on the old page.
I shoot at a local archery range. Most of us tend to be
friendly. One of the archers who I barely know and is about my
age asked me if I was married. Since I am totally not
interested, but, didn't really want to offend him for no good
reason I just asked with a smile, "Why ever would you want to
know that?" and just laughed, hopefully pleasantly.
#Post#: 57093--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Luci Date: September 8, 2020, 10:31 pm
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I don’t think that is out of line. I’m happy I’m married and
have no problem saying that I am. If separated of going through
a divorce, just say as much as you want to. My answer would
still be easy. There are other questions that I might answer
vaguely, but not that one.
#Post#: 57099--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Aleko Date: September 9, 2020, 3:13 am
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I think that from an acquaintance, somebody you know to talk to,
that’s a perfectly legit question.
Of course he might have had a potential romantic interest in you
(in which case it was perfectly proper of him to check before
attempting to ask for a date or whatever); equally he might only
want to get to know you as a friend, which can be problematic
between a man and woman who are both single and so potentially
“in the market”. Or it was just one of those things like
“employed or still studying?“, “born and bred here or came from
somewhere else?” that people like to know just to get a fix on
what an acquaintance is all about and how to talk to them.
#Post#: 57113--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Hmmm Date: September 9, 2020, 9:05 am
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[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=1844.msg57072#msg57072
date=1599604194]
I remember this was a topic on the old page.
I shoot at a local archery range. Most of us tend to be
friendly. One of the archers who I barely know and is about my
age asked me if I was married. Since I am totally not
interested, but, didn't really want to offend him for no good
reason I just asked with a smile, "Why ever would you want to
know that?" and just laughed, hopefully pleasantly.
[/quote]
To me, that response comes across as flirtatious if delivered
with a smile and laugh.
#Post#: 57135--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Gellchom Date: September 9, 2020, 2:15 pm
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1844.msg57113#msg57113
date=1599660356]
[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=1844.msg57072#msg57072
date=1599604194]
I remember this was a topic on the old page.
I shoot at a local archery range. Most of us tend to be
friendly. One of the archers who I barely know and is about my
age asked me if I was married. Since I am totally not
interested, but, didn't really want to offend him for no good
reason I just asked with a smile, "Why ever would you want to
know that?" and just laughed, hopefully pleasantly.
[/quote]
To me, that response comes across as flirtatious if delivered
with a smile and laugh.
[/quote]
I’m confused. You say you said that so you wouldn’t offend him,
and I’m sure that was your admirable intention. But if I were
the guy (and I didn’t take it as flirtatious, which I agree is
likely), I would feel really flipped off by that. I get it that
a smile and a laugh are meant to make it pleasant, and it’s
certainly better than barking it at him. But he could take it
as your laughing at the very idea that you could be interested.
Ouch.
I gather that you were trying to avoid having him ask you out
and you having to hurt his feelings by declining. But I bet
that, IF that even happened, you could find a kind way of
declining.
#Post#: 57151--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: holly firestorm Date: September 9, 2020, 8:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Gellchom link=topic=1844.msg57135#msg57135
date=1599678908]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1844.msg57113#msg57113
date=1599660356]
[quote author=holly firestorm link=topic=1844.msg57072#msg57072
date=1599604194]
I remember this was a topic on the old page.
I shoot at a local archery range. Most of us tend to be
friendly. One of the archers who I barely know and is about my
age asked me if I was married. Since I am totally not
interested, but, didn't really want to offend him for no good
reason I just asked with a smile, "Why ever would you want to
know that?" and just laughed, hopefully pleasantly.
[/quote]
To me, that response comes across as flirtatious if delivered
with a smile and laugh.
[/quote]
I’m confused. You say you said that so you wouldn’t offend him,
and I’m sure that was your admirable intention. But if I were
the guy (and I didn’t take it as flirtatious, which I agree is
likely), I would feel really flipped off by that. I get it that
a smile and a laugh are meant to make it pleasant, and it’s
certainly better than barking it at him. But he could take it
as your laughing at the very idea that you could be interested.
Ouch.
I gather that you were trying to avoid having him ask you out
and you having to hurt his feelings by declining. But I bet
that, IF that even happened, you could find a kind way of
declining.
[/quote]
Well, that was exactly it. He seemed to be leading up to that
and his behavior even after that kind of confirmed it...almost.
And, EEK! Flirtatious?! That was exactly the opposite of what I
intended. I felt at the time the question was too pushy, but,
maybe you're right.
#Post#: 57155--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Dazi Date: September 9, 2020, 9:21 pm
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IME, men will find you flirtatious if they want you to be
flirtatious. Heck, years ago, before I was more civilized, I
told a guy to go eff himself. He thought I was being cute. ::)
::) ::)
#Post#: 57162--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Gellchom Date: September 9, 2020, 11:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I sure do get it about not wanting to be put in the awkward
position of having to turn down someone you aren't interested in
who expresses an interest in you/asks you out. It's almost
impossible to decline without some embarrassment for him at the
least -- no matter now careful you are, it's just no fun to put
yourself out there and then be rejected.
So I do understand that your intentions were only to be kind,
not to have an excuse to say a snappy answer. You didn't want
to cause him that embarrassment. That's good.
But "What an interesting question," "Why would you want to know
that?" and the like are very withering slap downs. So, in my
opinion, they should be used -- if at all -- only for
inappropriate questions, not for innocent but awkward ones.
"Are you married?" is not an inappropriate question, certainly
not when it's just a get-to-know-you-better question from an
acquaintance, and for that matter not even when it's from
someone who is interested in a date or even a relationship.
That's no crime, even though in this case it was unwanted (and
for all he knew, it would have been welcome). In fact, if that
were the case, not only would your marital status not be "not
really any of his business," it's pretty necessary information!
I think that it would have been better just to answer the
question, and then, if he did then ask you out or otherwise
express unreciprocated interest, find a kind way to decline.
Easier said than done, I know, but I think better than making
him feel like he was out of line to ask.
#Post#: 57182--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Wanaca Date: September 10, 2020, 9:05 am
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I've been in this situation many times. My favorite response
was something like"Oh no---I'm not married! I'm not interested
in even dating anyone, let alone being married!" Said with a
laugh in a joking-but-not-joking way.
I've also said something like, "Actually, I'm happily
divorced---so happy that even the thought of another
relationship makes me want to run for the hills!" Also said
with a laughing exaggerated manner.
A little lighthearted humor goes a long way and gives the person
an easy way out, If they pressed it, I'd be honest and say that
I wasn't interested in dating (I'd kindly leave the final word
"you" out).
#Post#: 57184--------------------------------------------------
Re: What an interesting question aka That's really not any of yo
ur business
By: Aleko Date: September 10, 2020, 9:13 am
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Or, to be a bit less pointed, a cheery 'No, I'm a happy loner'.
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