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#Post#: 56875--------------------------------------------------
Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: Hmmm Date: September 4, 2020, 11:27 am
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As I've written, this has become a novel/
Short question. If an item is left at your home, how long must
you hold on to it before you no longer have social (not legal)
responsibility to assure it makes it back to it's original
owner. And let's say a generic type item with under $30 value
that is easily replaceable.
We host a lot... family holidays, pot lucks with friends, and I
hosted a 6 times yearly "cook the book" party for a bunch of
local foodies. These cook the book events could have anywhere
from 10 to 25 guests. Some of these people I knew well, some
would attend one event only. We'd also frequently host pot lucks
for our kids baseball teams or swim teams or church groups.
There were years when the kids were home that we'd have one or
two events a month at our house. I always tried to get any left
items back to the owners, but these two instances still bug me.
One was a generic glass casserole dish with lid. I had two of
the same one as I knew my sister, MIL, and a myriad of other
people had very similar ones. One day I realized there were 3 in
my cabinet and honestly had no idea how long 3 had been there. I
contacted my MIL and my sisters who frequently bring things to
family dinners and none of them claimed it. About 6 months
later, I took a casserole to a friend and told her to just keep
the dish as I didn't need a third. Of course, it was about two
months later that guy who had attended a pot luck party called
and said he knew he had left the dish at my house, but had
forgotten about it and could he come by to get it. I explained
what had happened and offered to give him one of mine. He
refused and said it was his fault for leaving it so long. But I
still feel a little bad but he has probably not given it a
second thought.
The one that seemed to cause so much grief was an umbrella left
by a Mary who often participated in our cook the book parties.
Now I need to explain that DD & are I'm the type that never
seems to have an umbrella with me when I really need one and buy
one as needed. My husband one time counted up that there were
10 umbrellas hanging in either our utility room and entry
closet, He didn't need to know about the ones stashed in our
cars and backpacks. Some of these were probably ones we had
bought but some were probably ones that friends or family had
left.
On the day of the cook the book club, it was raining when guests
arrived and I had a stand on the porch for the wet umbrellas. Of
course it wasn't raining when people left so I ended up with 4
unclaimed umbrellas. I sent an email letting people know the
umbrellas were there and they could come by and pick it up as I
would leave them on the porch. Two were claimed within a couple
of days. The other two ended up hanging in the utility room with
the other umbrellas. About a month after the party, I get a
text from Mary asking about a left umbrella and would I set it
out for her to pick up. I ask for a description and she says
it's obviously the one that doesn't belong to me...hahaha. I
photograph 5 umbrellas that I'm not sure if I bought or not and
send to her. She says none of them are hers. I tell her I'll
check in cars (we had 3 cars they could be in and not all were
home) but would she send me a description. I don't hear back and
forget about it.
The next time I see her is at another event at my house she asks
if I found her umbrella and I remind her I had asked for a
description. She seems incredulous that there could be an
umbrella someone where in my possession that I don't realize
doesn't belong to me. So I bring out every umbrella that I can
find in the house or cars. None are hers and she describes an
umbrella with tan, brown and black stripes. I offer her the
"pick of the litter" but she says no, she really liked hers. Her
husband laughs and says then he'll take one of the promotional
golf umbrellas and I say "it's yours!" A month or so later, I'm
at a neighbor's house and it starts to rain and she offers me an
umbrella and says that she thinks it's mine anyway. Yep, it is
tan, brown and black stripped. I text Mary and let her know her
umbrella has been found and would she come by and get it before
it goes missing again.
This is the part that bugged me the most. She asked me to bring
it to her. I told her I wasn't familiar where she lived but if
she let me know I could see if I'd be in her area anytime in the
near future, but I was pretty irked by the request. She then
responded back that since we'd be at an event in the next 2
weeks to just bring it then. But to "please tag it with her name
so that it didn't go missing in my house again...hahaha." I
bring the umbrella, she says thanks, and then makes a comment to
the assembled group that they should make sure to never leave
anything at my house because it could "suspiciously" go missing.
I know she meant it as a joke, but it also implied I had either
been remiss in my responsibilities or that I had intentionally
been keeping the umbrella.
I don't see Mary much anymore. I'll admit to being a poor
hostess to her the next time she came to an event I hosted. As
she left I said "ok, Mary, I need you to check you have
everything. Do you have your glasses, your purse, did you bring
an umbrella, any dishes, or jackets or sweaters? We want to make
sure nothing gets left here."
So if you leave an item behind, how long would you expect to be
able to wait and be able to come back and get it.
#Post#: 56880--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: NFPwife Date: September 4, 2020, 12:03 pm
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Mary throws so much shade, I'm surprised she needs an umbrella.
To answer your question, 30 days is the limit to how long
someone could leave something and expect it not to be given away
or donated. Maybe 6 weeks, max.
For the umbrella, you emailed immediately and Mary waited 30
days to circle back. You did your due diligence right away, the
onus was on her.
I also think the onus was on Mary to make sure she had all her
belongings when she left your house. I have a couple umbrellas I
love, I haven't lost them because I say, almost out loud, to
myself, "Your umbrella is in the rack. Remember it when you
leave," if I put it somewhere when I enter a building.
Personally, taking that second to mark the moment in my mind has
me remembering when I leave.
#Post#: 56882--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: pdt-bear Date: September 4, 2020, 12:14 pm
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I think that Mary's (unspoken) expectations (photographs and
delivery services) seem to be opposite of her own behaviour. :(
With regards to the umbrellas left behind (or even casserole
dishes) - the onus would still be on Mary to make the
appropriate meet-up/retrieval arrangements. I think 30 days
end-to-end is a more than generous amount of time to set aside
for the retrieval of an item.
I admit that I've left items behind - an evening event where my
co-worker recognized said item as mine, picked it up and held it
for me until I next saw them (after the weekend). I was very
grateful that someone/anyone picked up the item (a jacket) and
saved me a trip to the event space (further downtown) and made
sure that I expressed appreciation and gratitude to them. I
offered thanks and a self-jab joke on being absent-minded. :/
#Post#: 56888--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: sms Date: September 4, 2020, 1:25 pm
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For those types of inexpensive, easily replaceable items I
wouldn't sweat it a bit. You made a diligent effort to get
their items back to them and she dragged her feet for a month
before deciding it was the umbrella equivalent of the Hope
diamond.
I hate lots of clutter in my house and don't have a lot of
storage. I would have gotten rid of any remaining umbrellas (
or casseroles etc ) after a month or so - if I got asked about
it after that I would certainly offer to replace but I sure
wouldn't feel obliged to hang onto things in the event it
suddenly becomes important to them.
I would be annoyed too at the request to bring it and I wouldn't
make any special trip for it. She was the one who forgot it so
I agree - the onus is on her to retrieve it or wait until it's
convenient for you.
You're nicer than me. I don't think you were a poor hostess
asking about all her crap after the paces she put you through
for her forgetfulness.
#Post#: 56889--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: lakey Date: September 4, 2020, 1:30 pm
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[quote] As she left I said "ok, Mary, I need you to check you
have everything. Do you have your glasses, your purse, did you
bring an umbrella, any dishes, or jackets or sweaters? We want
to make sure nothing gets left here." [/quote]
Good for you for saying that. Mary is a huge jerk. If I leave
something behind at someone's house, it is My mistake, so MY
responsibility. Now this is my personal preference, but anyway,
I have enough of my own stuff around my house. I don't want
other people's stuff cluttering my house, I have enough clutter
of my own. If something is left behind, I think the person
should retrieve it within a week. But that's my issue with too
much stuff. One month is more than enough time for most people.
She had the nerve to want you to get in your car and drive to
her home to bring her something that SHE left behind? I've
actually laughed when people have made ridiculous requests like
that. Then she makes snotty comments in front of others? Maybe
you'll be lucky and she'll ghost you.
#Post#: 56897--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: chigger Date: September 4, 2020, 3:20 pm
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Mary is just a witch! I think your response to her was very
polite, more pleasant than I might have been. For all any one
knows, any of your guests that night could have picked the
umbrella up by mistake. And she wants you to deliver it, after
ignoring your email for a month? You left it, you retrieve it.
#Post#: 56898--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: STiG Date: September 4, 2020, 4:06 pm
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Mary is definitely a piece of work. SHE is the one who forgot
her umbrella in the first place! And then to turn up her nose
at your offer to choose any one she liked out of your pile? And
then to bad mouth you to the rest of the group? Yeah, I don't
blame you for telling her to make sure she hadn't forgotten
anything.
I forget something, it is my responsibility to retrieve it. If
I don't retrieve it promptly and it can't be located when I
finally get around to it, that's on ME, not on the person where
I left it. Exactly like the guy with the casserole dish.
#Post#: 56899--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: Rain Date: September 4, 2020, 4:35 pm
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I'm curious,what was her response?
#Post#: 56922--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: LifeOnPluto Date: September 5, 2020, 1:34 am
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Wow, I'd be really irritated with Mary! It was her fault for
forgetting her umbrella in the first place (and for refusing
your kind offer of a replacement umbrella). It was really rude
of her to ask you to make a trip to her place just to drop it
off, and to then to imply in public that things "go missing" at
your house. I mean, did she really believe that you were trying
to steal her precious umbrella?!
Also, if she wanted it tagged with her name, I'd be tempted to
get a red permanent marker, and write "Mary's Brolly" all over
it!
To answer your general question, I think for a cheap, generic
item that's easily replaceable, you don't need to hold onto it
for more than a few months.
#Post#: 56925--------------------------------------------------
Re: Giving away someone's forgotten item
By: iolaus Date: September 5, 2020, 4:26 am
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Tag it - so like a graffiti artist does, get out the sharpies
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