DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 56071--------------------------------------------------
Too expensive to replace
By: sms Date: August 16, 2020, 5:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hi everyone...new here and I have a hypothetical question that
came as a result of a close call.
My friend "Lisa" asked me to drop by her house on my way back
from work so I could sign off as a witness on a document. When
she answered her door her big, ill-behaved dog jumped on me. I
was wearing one of my favourite silk blouses - one that I got at
a spectacular discount. Honestly even at the discounted price
it was still a bit of a splurge and I could not justify paying
full price to replace it even if I could find it again.
I barely managed to ward the dogs claws off but I still got
dirty. Lisa laughed it off and said well you know you can't
wear good clothes in this house. [i]That really ground my
gears[/i]. It's out of the way to go home, change into grubby
clothes and then go back. Normally the dogs are outside in
their pen so I wasn't expecting an issue when I dropped by.
I got thinking what would be the right thing if the dog had
ruined the blouse? On one hand I wouldn't want to rip anyone
off - I didn't pay full price. On the other hand should someone
have to settle for the lower cost they paid when replacing it
would be considerably more money? I think I would feel guilty
asking for the full replacement amount and like a pushover-y
sucker if I didn't.
Would it be fair to expect it and how would you word it?
#Post#: 56072--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: HenrysMom Date: August 16, 2020, 5:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Well, for normal things, I’d expect someone to reimburse what I
spent for something However, in this case, since there’s no way
you’d be able to replace the item for what you paid for it, I
don’t think it’s a bad thing to demand current market value for
a new one. Certainly wouldn’t mention how much I spent on the
original, though.
#Post#: 56076--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: STiG Date: August 16, 2020, 6:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
You were there to do a favour for her; the least she could do is
replace your blouse, regardless of what you paid.
And if there is ever a next time, ask her to put the dogs in the
pen before you arrive, as you are unable to go home to change
before coming over. If she refuses? Call her from the car and
ask her to bring the documents out to you there.
#Post#: 56077--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: lisastitch Date: August 16, 2020, 6:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
You are going out of your way to do her a favor! Given the fact
that she laughed it off, if you were to ask for any
reimbursement, I think she would be upset, and it would be a
possible end to the friendship.
I am also really bothered by her dog's behavior. I love dogs,
but I do not necessarily want one jumping up on me, especially
when I am in work clothes. If you have a dog, you train it. If
the dog isn't completely trained, you hang on to the dog's
collar when someone comes to the door so the dog can't jump up.
If you can't hold the dog well enough (especially if someone is
coming over to sign documents), you put the dog in his pen or
kennel.
If the dog had destroyed your blouse, I think you would be
entitled to ask for current market value in order to replace it.
I might settle for less if I'd had the blouse for ten years and
had worn it a lot. I probably would want to see if I actually
would be able to replace the blouse. If it's not being made any
more, I can't replace it. In that case, do I want to destroy
this friendship over the blouse?
I'm hoping that maybe her laughter was out of embarrassment, and
that inside, she was really embarrassed but I've known too many
dog parents who wouldn't be embarrassed.
#Post#: 56084--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: sms Date: August 16, 2020, 8:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[[quote author=lisastitch link=topic=1824.msg56077#msg56077
date=1597620083]
In that case, do I want to destroy this friendship over the
blouse?[/quote]
Well...this is the crux of it. I wouldn't want to lose a
friendship over an item of clothing so in all honesty I'd
probably grit my teeth and accept the actual amount paid. I'd
be pretty bitter. But even this close shave has made my
tolerance for ill behaved pets even lower. I don't think people
should have to anticipate this kind of thing and it's forces
awkward conversations:
Hi...sure I can come over for coffee! Can you keep your dog
under control or do I need to wear my chainmail?
#Post#: 56086--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: Hanna Date: August 16, 2020, 9:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Because of her attitude it would be a while before I would go
back to her house again, if at all.
#Post#: 56092--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: Aleko Date: August 17, 2020, 3:38 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree with lisastitch that her laughing-it-off reaction may
well have been the product of dismay and embarrassment. It’s not
in the least a helpful way to handle the situation, but it’s one
that a lot of people do instinctively default to. So we can’t
necessarily conclude that she really didn’t care.
My feeling is that if the dog had managed to tear your blouse,
or left it with unremovable stains, your first move should have
been to say ‘Your dog has wrecked my blouse: I’ll have to throw
it away’ and wait for her response. If that was ‘Oh gosh, I’m so
sorry! I feel awful! Your lovely silk blouse! How much would it
cost to replace?’ you might either mention the actual price you
paid or even - if you really liked her and believed she
genuinely felt awful - refuse to let her pay, just rub it in
enough that she’ll be more careful to restrain her dog in
future. But if she continued to laugh it off, in your place I’d
name the actual replacement cost, and ask her to pay it.
That wouldn’t be losing a friendship over a blouse; it would be
losing a friendship over the friend’s refusal to acknowledge and
make amends for a harm she had carelessly done you. Not quite
the same thing.
#Post#: 56098--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: Hmmm Date: August 17, 2020, 9:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I know that in your position, I probably would not say anything.
If Lisa offered to pay for the blouse, I'd be gritting my teeth
and saying "Oh, that's ok." I've had clothing ruined by others
and have never asked for payment. I just see clothing being
ruined as a risk of wearing it.
Her flippant attitude would have really bugged me. I do hope
that Aleko is correct and the comment was to cover her
embarrassment. I would get my point across about the dog's
behavior by asking for the dogs to be restrained before coming
in. My sister and I had a bit of a tiff a couple of years ago
when she complained that I yelled at her dog and I told her that
if her dog was trained to not jump on me I wouldn't have to yell
no at him. Her saying sweetly "Fred, don't jump, you know meany
doesn't like you jumping on her" wasn't doing the trick.
Just like I don't want someone's chocolate covered child running
to hug me, I don't want your pup rushing to "enthusiastically"
greet me.
#Post#: 56111--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: oogyda Date: August 17, 2020, 1:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1824.msg56098#msg56098
date=1597676363]
I know that in your position, I probably would not say anything.
If Lisa offered to pay for the blouse, I'd be gritting my teeth
and saying "Oh, that's ok." I've had clothing ruined by others
and have never asked for payment. I just see clothing being
ruined as a risk of wearing it.
[/quote]
This sums up how I feel. There is a risk that whatever I'm
wearing at any given time will get ruined. By my fault, someone
else's fault, or it's just a day where the universe seems to be
out to get me. It's part of the cost of being dressed.
#Post#: 56119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Too expensive to replace
By: Jem Date: August 17, 2020, 2:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1824.msg56111#msg56111
date=1597687234]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1824.msg56098#msg56098
date=1597676363]
I know that in your position, I probably would not say anything.
If Lisa offered to pay for the blouse, I'd be gritting my teeth
and saying "Oh, that's ok." I've had clothing ruined by others
and have never asked for payment. I just see clothing being
ruined as a risk of wearing it.
[/quote]
This sums up how I feel. There is a risk that whatever I'm
wearing at any given time will get ruined. By my fault, someone
else's fault, or it's just a day where the universe seems to be
out to get me. It's part of the cost of being dressed.
[/quote]
I agree - I wouldn't seek payment for the blouse. But I would
address the way Lisa allowed her dog to act toward you. I
probably wouldn't go to her house again because I don't like
being jumped on by pets of any size for any reason.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page