DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Technoquette
*****************************************************
#Post#: 55567--------------------------------------------------
Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not soc
ially distancing
By: LifeOnPluto Date: August 4, 2020, 7:46 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I know I was in the wrong here, but I'm curious to know what
people think.
Background: I'm in Australia, and my city has been very lucky in
relation to the pandemic. We currently have no active cases, and
no new cases for nearly a month. Things are nearly back to
normal, with most places open again. We are however, still being
encouraged to practice good hygiene and social distancing (ie
keeping 1.5 metres or 5 feet apart).
The Facts: On the weekend I went for a hike with two of my close
friends, "Alice" and "Barbara". I should note here two things:
(1) All three of us are Facebook users. Whenever we're out and
about, it's common for us to take photos and put them on
Facebook later, and tag each other.
(2) We did not socially distance at all times. Before the hike,
we got coffee, and sat together at a small table outside. On the
hike, we often walked side by side, on the trail.
Halfway along the hike, we came to a quirky local landmark. This
landmark is associated with an aspect of pop culture that I am a
huge fan of. For example, let's say it's a boulder where a local
artist has painted a mural of Captain James T Kirk, and I am a
massive Star Trek fan. This landmark is famous with geeks, kids,
families, etc. People have even got married in front of it!
However, I'd never seen it before, and was quite excited to
reach it.
When we got to Quirky Landmark, Alice and Barbara jumped in
front of it, and struck poses, and I took their photo. I note
that Alice and Barbara were standing less then a metre apart,
but not touching. Alice then offered to take my picture in front
of Quirky Landmark, so I gave her my phone. At the last minute,
Barbara jumped into the shot, saying "I can't let LifeOnPluto
pose by herself!" She came and stood next to me, and I put my
hand around her shoulder very loosely. I say "very loosely" as
there was still a lot of space between our bodies (it wasn't
like I was wrapping her in a bear hug or anything!). Alice took
our photo, and I thought nothing more of it.
That evening, all three of us posted some pictures of the hike
on Facebook. Mine included the ones at Quirky Landmark. Within
minutes I received a text message from Barbara. It was rather
terse, and I quote:
"LifeOnPluto, please take the picture of you and I at [Quirky
Landmark] off Facebook. It doesn't look like we're socially
distancing."
I took the photo down immediately and informed Barbara (I got a
brusque "ta" in response). I realise now that it was careless of
me to have put my hand on Barbara's shoulder. I take full
responsibility for that. And I acknowledge that Barbara was
within her rights to ask me to remove the photo - I certainly
don't want her to cop any unfair criticism on my account for
failing to socially distance.
But part of me is feeling disappointed and a bit annoyed! It was
a great photo - me and a good mate by an awesome landmark that
I'd wanted to see for a long time- and I was looking forward to
sharing it with my Facebook friends (many of whom are fans of
this pop culture too). I really wish Barbara had spoken up in
the moment if she was feeling uncomfortable - all she had to say
was "Hey LifeOnPluto, let's stand a bit further apart. Remember,
we're meant to be socially distancing". Barbara also knows that
I'm a huge fan of this pop culture (she was even joking about it
at the landmark), and that I'd probably want to post the
pictures of the Quirky Landmark on Facebook. It's a bit baffling
- if she was so concerned about us properly socially distancing,
why did she sit at the same small table when we drank our coffee
in public? Why did she hike right alongside us on the trail? Why
was she seemingly fine about posing less than a metre apart from
Alice?
What's done is done, but I'm looking for a bit of a sanity check
here. Should Barbara have spoken up in the moment? If you were
in my shoes, would you have taken down the photo?
TLDR: Friend asked me to remove Facebook photo on the basis that
we weren't socially distancing properly when it was taken.
Curious to know your thoughts.
#Post#: 55570--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: NyaChan Date: August 4, 2020, 8:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think she could have been nicer in her tone when she asked,
but I don’t think it was an unreasonable ask. I may be a bit
biased due to some personal history, but FB and internet shaming
and misunderstandings can cause people not just stress but
actual real-life trouble, so I don’t care about the legality or
ownership of photos taken in public - if someone asks me to take
something down and it won’t cause hardship (say it is a MOH at a
wedding or something which would torpedo most of the wedding
pictures) I try to comply.
EDT to add: She may not have realized in the moment that you
guys were as close as you were - I am often surprised when I see
tape marks to help people because apparently my sense of 6 feet
is way off. Also it sound like you were the only one of the
three who did include post that set of photos? If that’s true,
might be a sign that she wasn’t the only one who thought they
might make your group look irresponsible.
#Post#: 55572--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Oz Diva Date: August 4, 2020, 9:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I would be annoyed too. After all she leapt into your photo and
she’d know you would put it on line afterwards.
I have to say as a fellow Aussie I am intrigued what landmark it
is.
#Post#: 55575--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Hmmm Date: August 4, 2020, 9:28 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think it is fair to criticize Barbara about not thinking
of socially distancing in the moment. You guys were out and
about and enjoying a bit of normalcy. It may not have been till
she saw the photo that it hit her about how it looks or the
reaction people might have.
If it's a good photo of you now, it will be a good photo of you
in 6 months and you can share it out then.
I also don't find her text terse at all. She said please and
explained why she was asking. Curious how you would have
preferred her to make her request.
#Post#: 55576--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Jem Date: August 4, 2020, 9:37 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think you did anything wrong, OP, but I probably would
remove the photo, at least for now. I would be irritated with
Barbara though. She should not have been in close proximity if
she felt it was unsafe, and she comes across as a hypocrite,
IMHO.
#Post#: 55579--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Aleko Date: August 4, 2020, 9:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]she comes across as a hypocrite, IMHO.[/quote]
I think that’s unfair. It’s clear from LoP’s post that all three
had relaxed to the point where they had really forgotten all
about social distancing, and it still hadn’t really occurred to
LoP how wrong by the current rules it was when she posted the
picture (If it had, I’m sure she wouldn’t have posted it). But
when it flashed up in Barbara’s feed, she suddenly saw it as she
would see someone else’s photo, and it hit her with a jolt how
bad it made them look; and I don’t doubt that it was her sense
of urgency to get it deleted before everyone and her dog saw it
and bit them for it that made her message a trifle terse.
#Post#: 55580--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: TootsNYC Date: August 4, 2020, 10:19 am
---------------------------------------------------------
She may also have been quite comfortable with the lack of
distance, given the cases in your city, and given what she knows
about your habits.
She may have just not wanted to face snarky backlash from people
who didn't have the background info she did, and who were
looking to be judgmental.
#Post#: 55582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Jem Date: August 4, 2020, 10:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1811.msg55579#msg55579
date=1596553062]
[quote]she comes across as a hypocrite, IMHO.[/quote]
I think that’s unfair. It’s clear from LoP’s post that all three
had relaxed to the point where they had really forgotten all
about social distancing, and it still hadn’t really occurred to
LoP how wrong by the current rules it was when she posted the
picture (If it had, I’m sure she wouldn’t have posted it). But
when it flashed up in Barbara’s feed, she suddenly saw it as she
would see someone else’s photo, and it hit her with a jolt how
bad it made them look; and I don’t doubt that it was her sense
of urgency to get it deleted before everyone and her dog saw it
and bit them for it that made her message a trifle terse.
[/quote]
This is my point, though. It is not as though Barbara had been
trying to avoid being in close proximity during her time with
LifeOnPluto. Barbara is upset not by the close proximity (in
fact it was Barbara who came into close proximity of LOP for the
photo) but instead she is upset that *other people* might be
upset that she was in close proximity.
#Post#: 55583--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: TootsNYC Date: August 4, 2020, 10:25 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote] Barbara is upset not by the close proximity (in fact it
was Barbara who came into close proximity of LOP for the photo)
but instead she is upset that *other people* might be upset that
she was in close proximity.
[/quote]
I think that's legit, though. In today's world, especially.
#Post#: 55585--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friend told me to remove Facebook photo as it depicts us not
socially distancing
By: Gellchom Date: August 4, 2020, 10:42 am
---------------------------------------------------------
It might not be that she was worried that anyone would criticize
her. Maybe she was just not wanting to set a bad example.
That's what I would have been thinking.
Early in the shut down, friends with three young children posted
a photo of them in their car going for ice cream. I know that
they had been very, very careful -- the whole point of the photo
was that this was their first outing in ages -- and they stayed
in the car while Dad went in for the ice cream, and they brought
it home and ate it. So there was nothing wrong with what they
did. But why post photos of it? They are leaders in the
community, and not everyone reads posts carefully or all the way
to the end; I'm sure some people just came away with the
impression that they went out for ice cream, period. That kind
of thing, especially from community leaders, leads others to
think that the precautions aren't really that important -- after
all, if they're going out for ice cream, I guess I can go to a
restaurant/salon/gym ...
I'm not saying that they shouldn't have done it, just that I
thought it was a bad idea to post photos about it on Facebook.
(What's the point, anyway? Who cares that they went for ice
cream?) I really like these people, and I trust them to make
careful choices, even when they are cautious exceptions, but I
would just do it, not announce it to the world.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page