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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 54262--------------------------------------------------
Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: KittyMommy Date: July 8, 2020, 9:39 am
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Last year, I got a verbal STD for a wedding on August 8 (a month
from now). I would think I’d have gotten an invitation by now.
However, with the pandemic, I’d understand if things have
changed. Maybe they’ve decided to postpone until things settle
down, or decided to have a smaller wedding. Still, since they’ve
already asked us to save the date, shouldn’t they let us know if
such changes were made? Would it be okay for me to ask?
#Post#: 54263--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: Jem Date: July 8, 2020, 9:54 am
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I think you can assume the wedding is not going forward on
August 8, or at least you have not been invited to attend a
wedding on August 8. I personally know quite a few people who
still got married on the date they had planned but did not
include guests because of the pandemic.
If you are close with the people, I might ask, but generally I
would assume you will be updated when there is information you
need to know. Especially with only a verbal STD I don't know
that you should expect a play by play when the couple likely
doesn't know what their plans might be given the pandemic.
#Post#: 54264--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: Hmmm Date: July 8, 2020, 10:34 am
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How close are you to the couple? Since this was a verbal STD
from them, I would assume more than passing acquaintances? If
there has been nothing posted on any of their social media or in
conversations with them, I would also assume the wedding has
been postponed. Have you done a google search for a wedding
website?
I'm not sure how I feel about informal STD's and responsibility
to update based on those. For the weddings where we had received
STD cards, those couple's did send out formal communications.
But I'm not sure if I feel the couple needs to remember everyone
they may have mentioned their wedding to being August 8th and
asking them to hold the date.
Since no invitation or formal STD has been forthcoming, I think
is is very safe to assume the wedding was postponed. Do you have
any family members or friends who are closer to the couple and
in more frequent contact? Maybe they can provide some insight?
edited to correct typo.
#Post#: 54269--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 8, 2020, 10:55 am
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Being that the STD was verbal, I would think the couple is not
responsible for updating everyone that they mentioned their
wedding to. I will say that I had a friend who had a wedding
planned in May and the couple found it tiring to be constantly
bombarded with "are you still going to have your wedding?"
questions, especially because they just didn't know for some
time. (They did end up postponing for a year.) However, I think
couples with weddings in August have had time to think things
over and realize that we were likely going to be in the same
conditions. So maybe they would not find the questions so
stressful. I might make my call about asking dependent on how
close I was to the couple. Certainly if there was someone else
in the know, I might ask them instead.
I have another friend who was scheduled for September, but has
also decided to postpone for a year. I, too, was given a
non-formal STD. I heard the news through a Facebook post,
although I did express my concern through a direct message.
#Post#: 54273--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: TootsNYC Date: July 8, 2020, 11:30 am
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If by "update" you mean "information about the actual date,"
yes, I think you are entitled to an update about the date.
But I think you don't ask until you get into "time to send an
invitation" territory, which is about 6 weeks out. So yes, now
you can ask them what their plans are.
In fact, I personally think they have an obligation to tell you
if anything has changed. I received an StD from a cousin, and I
was seriously looking into plane flights. I mentioned to my mom
that I wondered if i should rent a car as well, or could she
cart me around with her (since she would be driving), and she
said, "I don't think that wedding is happening."
I never did hear from the bride that it wasn't going to
happen at that time.
I waited a week and then contacted her mother to ask, and was
told that it was cancelled.
In this case, w/ a pandemic going on, personally, I would simply
not ask, because I would not be going. Period.
[quote]"As of May 15, a total of 231 of 3,143 counties had no
reported cases. The list is getting shorter by the day, though.
In the first half of May alone, 40 counties went from zero
recorded cases of the virus to at least one."[/quote]
HTML https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/2020/05/17/coronavirus-free-rural-counties-low-testing-and-population-density/5196441002/
Weddings are super-spreader events. They pull people from
several different geographic regions, and people hug one
another, etc.
However, if you think you MIGHT go, or might go under certain
circumstances, then absolutely, at 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the
date, you are totally OK to touch base and say, "I'm wondering
if anything has changed due to the pandemic."
#Post#: 54274--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: TootsNYC Date: July 8, 2020, 11:32 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=1777.msg54269#msg54269
date=1594223754]
I will say that I had a friend who had a wedding planned in May
and the couple found it tiring to be constantly bombarded with
"are you still going to have your wedding?" questions,
especially because they just didn't know for some time.
[/quote]
This is why they need to be the ones who start that
conversation, even if it's just to say, "We are still up in the
air."
#Post#: 54279--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: Aleko Date: July 8, 2020, 1:45 pm
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Where I come from, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted
disease'. On reading your topic title I was already admiring
your chutzpah in not only admitting the nature of your ailment
but setting out to parlay it into some kind of an entitlement
... :D
#Post#: 54280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: jpcher Date: July 8, 2020, 2:04 pm
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Aleko -- I agree with you 100% and was going to post the same
thing.
Although from being on this site I do recognize STD for save the
date but it takes me a moment to realize it.
I like Toots' usage of the acronym being StD. ;D
#Post#: 54281--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: NFPwife Date: July 8, 2020, 2:06 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1777.msg54279#msg54279
date=1594233901]
Where I come from, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted
disease'. On reading your topic title I was already admiring
your chutzpah in not only admitting the nature of your ailment
but setting out to parlay it into some kind of an entitlement
... :D
[/quote]
I'm so glad I'm not the only who thought that when she saw STD.
I agree with Toots. Once someone holds a date in my calendar,
either formally or informally, I think I am entitled to updates.
Given the pandemic and all that people are likely dealing with,
I'm less expectant of updates but still think it's appropriate
to get some sort of update, even if it's just a social media
posting.
#Post#: 54423--------------------------------------------------
Re: Does STD Entitle Me Up Updates?
By: malfoyfan13 Date: July 11, 2020, 2:00 pm
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Aleko, I thought the same thing! :-)
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