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#Post#: 54022--------------------------------------------------
Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: LifeOnPluto Date: July 4, 2020, 7:04 am
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An old friend of mine "Tina" was back in town this weekend.
There were a group of us who used to spend a lot of time
together around 10-15 years ago. We were in our twenties then,
and now most of us are in our late thirties or early forties.
Tina moved interstate about 10 years ago, and since then, the
old group has largely moved on - many of us are married, some
with kids, and most have moved to the suburbs, etc.
A couple of weeks ago, Tina sent a message via Facebook
Messenger to the old gang (about ten people in total) saying
that she'd be in town this weekend, and at "ABC Pub" in the city
(an old haunt of ours) between 4-6pm on Saturday, and that she'd
love to catch up with us all if we were free.
I responded to the group that DP and I would both be there.
Another old friend (Liz) replied that she couldn't make it, but
thanked Tina for the invitation. The other eight or so people
mostly responded to Tina's post with emojis - thumbs up, and
love hearts, etc. None of them actually said whether they'd make
it or not.
Come today (Saturday) and DP and I were the only members of the
old gang who turned up. We had a great time catching up with
Tina (we were there for 3 hours, and the time flew by!) but I
sensed Tina was a little disappointed that no one else had made
it.
I can't help but feel that the people who responded with
positive emojis were a bit rude - as they (the emojis) can be
interpreted in different ways. Eg a thumbs up could mean "Sounds
great, I'll be there!" or "Hey, haven't seen you in 10 years but
it's lovely to hear from you" or "I have no intention of showing
up, but I wish to show my vague appreciation for the fact that
you're visiting our city". Frankly, if our old friends weren't
intending to attend Tina's drinks, I think it would have been
better if they hadn't responded at all, rather than with
positive emojis which can be misleading.
What do people think? Is it ok to respond to an invitation with
an emoji?
#Post#: 54023--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: gramma dishes Date: July 4, 2020, 7:13 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1772.msg54022#msg54022
date=1593864284]
...
What do people think? Is it ok to respond to an invitation with
an emoji?
[/quote]
I think what your friends did was appalling. For Pete's sake,
would it take any longer to type a few words like "I'd love to
see you again, but sorry we already have other plans." or
"We're social distancing and won't be able to make it. But we'd
love to see you and if you come this way again we'll be there
with bells on our toes."
#Post#: 54024--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: Rose Red Date: July 4, 2020, 7:39 am
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No it's not ok. They're treating the invitation like a comment
instead of a question they need to answer. Like we all say at
one time or another, "Use your words."
But you both learned something. Next time your friends use
emojis as a response, follow up and ask exactly what they mean.
#Post#: 54027--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: oogyda Date: July 4, 2020, 9:44 am
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While I certainly understand Tina's disappointment, I don't
think the "invitation" she sent required an RSVP of any kind.
Over the years, I've been the one to do the return to the old
hometown visits. I was astounded at the number of old friends
who express a desire to see me, yet the only way they can manage
is if I go to them. They tell me "Anytime is good." when
they're really only available for a couple hours on X night.
Now, I've quit making the effort.
#Post#: 54033--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: Hmmm Date: July 4, 2020, 10:41 am
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I'm glad you had a nice time catching up. I do think the best
path would be for them to respond with some additional text. How
hard is "sorry we can't make it".
But if a clicking a positive emoji is all they could handle, I
think that is better than not responding at all. I personally
would assume any non-specific statement saying someone was
attending would mean they were not planning to attend.
I do think if I were Tina, I'd probably have sent a follow up
reminder text the day before and asking who would be joining. An
informal invitation like that can easily be forgotten.
Can I also say, it is nice to hear of places that have pubs open
and people can plan to visit with friends.
#Post#: 54053--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: NyaChan Date: July 4, 2020, 4:51 pm
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I don’t like it, but lately I’ve come to expect that
a positive emoji is used to acknowledge something was seen. As
in “glad that she’s in town” but absent the
written out confirmation, I wouldn’t have expected them to
turn up. More generally, people tend not to respond to group
communicatuons unless they are actually willing to go or get
involved. This is especially true in big group situations - the
greater the number of people on the Text, the more people feel
it’s ok to be a detached observer rather than participant.
Edited to add: also is usually more of a problem when the answer
is no. It’s like people don’t want to say it and
effectively “ghost” that conversation
#Post#: 54054--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: Mrs Rat Date: July 4, 2020, 5:06 pm
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I usually can't make a commitment until closer to the day but I
wouldn't dream of replying with an emoji. I would reply with "I
would love to catch up but will let you know closer to the day"
and then when I could confirm or decline I would let them know
either way.
#Post#: 54070--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: LifeOnPluto Date: July 5, 2020, 2:14 am
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1772.msg54027#msg54027
date=1593873891]
Over the years, I've been the one to do the return to the old
hometown visits. I was astounded at the number of old friends
who express a desire to see me, yet the only way they can manage
is if I go to them. They tell me "Anytime is good." when
they're really only available for a couple hours on X night.
Now, I've quit making the effort.
[/quote]
Ooh yes, I've experienced this too, during hometown visits. Most
of my friends are great and pretty flexible, but there are a few
of my old hometown friends (married with kids) who are like "I'm
dying to see you again! Anytime and anywhere is good for a
catch-up! Provided that it's between 9.30am-10.30am, because
after that, Billy has his morning nap. And it has to be on a
Friday, because on the other days we visit the zoo and the kids
library. And we'll need to go to a kid-friendly cafe or
playground, otherwise Billy will get bored." It gets old pretty
quickly.
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=1772.msg54033#msg54033
date=1593877294]
Can I also say, it is nice to hear of places that have pubs open
and people can plan to visit with friends.
[/quote]
We have been very lucky in my (Australian) state. Up to 100
people can now gather in pubs and other venues.
[quote author=NyaChan link=topic=1772.msg54053#msg54053
date=1593899495]
I don’t like it, but lately I’ve come to expect that a positive
emoji is used to acknowledge something was seen. As in “glad
that she’s in town” but absent the written out confirmation, I
wouldn’t have expected them to turn up. More generally, people
tend not to respond to group communicatuons unless they are
actually willing to go or get involved. This is especially true
in big group situations - the greater the number of people on
the Text, the more people feel it’s ok to be a detached observer
rather than participant.
Edited to add: also is usually more of a problem when the answer
is no. It’s like people don’t want to say it and effectively
“ghost” that conversation
[/quote]
This is a very astute observation, especially the bolded. It's
like a "thumbs up" or "love heart" emoji is a 'soft no'. But
they don't actually want to come out and say it.
#Post#: 54072--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: DaDancingPsych Date: July 5, 2020, 5:50 am
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Honestly, I foresaw the outcome. The thumbs up (or really any
reaction) is more of a "I saw this" acknowledgement and not any
sort of commitment. It seems like people don't want to decline
invitations so they just don't reply. I have always thought it
better to decline, but maybe the norm is that only positive
RSVP's are necessary? Either way, I hope that Tina was not to
disappointed; it sounds like she still got a great afternoon
with you.
#Post#: 54290--------------------------------------------------
Re: Responding to invitations with (positive) emojis
By: TootsNYC Date: July 8, 2020, 5:29 pm
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=1772.msg54027#msg54027
date=1593873891]
While I certainly understand Tina's disappointment, I don't
think the "invitation" she sent required an RSVP of any kind.
[/quote]
I don't think that it was an actual invitation. Or, it certainly
wasn't perceived as one, and I can't blame them.
[quote]A couple of weeks ago, Tina sent a message via Facebook
Messenger to the old gang (about ten people in total) saying
that she'd be in town this weekend, and at "ABC Pub" in the city
(an old haunt of ours) between 4-6pm on Saturday, and that she'd
love to catch up with us all if we were free.
[/quote]
If you really want to see someone, you really should reach out
to them directly. And arranging a gathering in a public place
like that doesn't come across quite as much like an invitation
as it does when you invite them somewhere more private (like
your home) or in a smaller group (there's the whole thing where
if a group is involved, people don't take personal
responsibility--"Someone else is surely calling 911" or "some of
the other people will be there to see Tina").
Of course Tina had no choice, but the more individual and
personal you make it, the more it will be perceived that way.
I do think it's hurtful, but I can't say it's against the rules.
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