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#Post#: 53798--------------------------------------------------
The driving dilemma UPDATE #17
DIR By: AnnNottingham
Date: June 30, 2020, 10:42 am
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Hi, all:
This is more of a dilemma than strictly etiquette, but thought
I'd throw it out here.
I work with a woman named "Sue". Sue is in her mid-60's and
over the last couple of years has grown increasingly deaf and is
much slower at the job (grocery checker). However, she has been
there forever and I think that job helps her get out of the
house, gives her contact with her friends, and provides a modest
income (Her husband passed about two years ago and left her
comfortable if modest and paid off their house, so the money
doesn't seem to be an issue).
The other day, both Sue and I were scheduled to close, which
means leaving the store after dark. Sue doesn't like to return
home alone after dark, so I offered to ride home with her in her
car (she lives very close to me) with DH following in our car.
She gratefully accepted.
This was terrifying. Sue was wobbling all over the road; DH
told me she crossed the center line at least four times. She
took her eyes off the road to hunt for something in the
cluttered car, and at one point turned on the inside lights to
find something. She seemed not to know you can't see if you do
that. Her speed was erratic. She missed the turn into her own
street, then stopped and began to back up on the road. I rather
forcefully told her to go around the block and come back. By
then, I was clinging to the seat in fear.
She had offered to let me drive, but 1. even I don't like to
drive after dark, which is why DH was there to pick me up. 2.
That would be driving an unfamiliar car and trying to fix the
seat controls and such, and 3. if Heaven forbid we got into an
accident, I didn't know if her insurance would cover it.
Even DH was adamant that she didn't need to be driving. I don't
think there's any good option for me here, but waiting until she
kills herself or someone else isn't good either. I don't want
to feel responsible if she can't work anymore (she really can't
keep up all that much but I think management usually gives her
quiet shifts for the reasons I stated). I don't want to see her
start closing more often, especially as the days get shorter.
What would you do?
#Post#: 53805--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: Luci
Date: June 30, 2020, 11:42 am
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If I were driving behind her, I would assume she was impaired
and call the cops. That might start something rolling.
But couldn’t do that. I hope someone can tell us really what to
do because I have been in that situation a few times
#Post#: 53810--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 30, 2020, 12:01 pm
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call your state's Department of Transportation.
They've dealt with this before.
And if at all possible, try to find a way that she can get to
and from work without driving, so that when she loses her
license, she doesn't lose her ability to work.
#Post#: 53817--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: Amara
Date: June 30, 2020, 12:53 pm
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Yes, report her to the DMV in your state. Maybe talk to the
management and see if there's an earlier shift she can be
assigned so she gets off before dark. But I suspect that she
might even have trouble in daylight. Let the DMV handle it.
#Post#: 53820--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: Aleko
Date: June 30, 2020, 1:11 pm
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--- Quote ---
> Maybe talk to the management and see if there's an earlier
shift she can be assigned so she gets off before dark. But I
suspect that she might even have trouble in daylight.
--- End Quote ---
And of course there'd be more other vehicles on the roads then,
which would increase not only the stress and complication of
driving, but also the number of people to potentially get hurt.
My thought would be to talk to her, if possible. Guihong can
truthfully say that she was scared to death as a passenger in
her car, and that Guihong's DH, observing its erratic progress,
was equally appalled: which means that if any cops ever see her
driving, she could be pulled over. (She might even find that a
more scary idea than the possibility of having an accident -
people's minds are odd that way.) If she's doing this job as a
hobby to get her out of the house and engage with people (which
I totally applaud as a life strategy) and isn't short of money,
perhaps she could afford a taxi to and from work? Or has a
relative or a neighbour who would ferry her in return for a
modest fee? Guihong does say that she's afraid of going home
after dark, so even if that's because of 'bad men who might jump
me as I got out of my car' rather than 'I know I'm totally unfit
to drive at night', it sounds as though she would find it a
comfort to be routinely ferried by someone she knows.
#Post#: 53830--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: June 30, 2020, 2:38 pm
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I've made these kind of calls to the DMV before. Actually, I
think I called the non-emergency side of our county's emergency
services and they took it from there. It was a very similar
situation, an elderly lady who was all over the road. I got the
plate number and called. I said I wasn't sure if she was
impaired in some way or if it was time for her driving ability
to be reassessed, but, in that moment, she was a danger on the
road.
I've also called in people who were driving recklessly when I
was behind them straight to 911.
After taking care of the safety of the general public, helping
Sue find alternate ways to and from work seems like a great
idea. I don't think earlier shifts would make much difference in
her dangerous driving. Some of what she did, like looking around
the cluttered car, are unrelated to it being nighttime.
#Post#: 53833--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: lakey
Date: June 30, 2020, 3:00 pm
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--- Quote ---
> And if at all possible, try to find a way that she can get to
and from work without driving, so that when she loses her
license, she doesn't lose her ability to work.
--- End Quote ---
Uber. I have a relative who has seizures. She uses uber to get
to and from work.
As others have said, have DMV handle it. They know what to look
for. Mid sixties seems young for her to have this much trouble,
but who knows. Everyone is different. I am in my sixties, and I
no longer drive at night. The glare of lights bothers me a lot.
#Post#: 53848--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: Dazi
Date: June 30, 2020, 5:48 pm
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In my personal experience, people in their mid sixties who are
driving this badly have cataracts or some other eye issues.
#Post#: 53854--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: June 30, 2020, 6:36 pm
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Before retiring, I used to work at the DMV, and every state has
some method of reporting concerns about another driver's
ability. Now I can't guarantee this is true in every state, but
in my state (Michigan), the person will not be told that someone
turned them in. The letter will make it sound like random and
regular testing of people over the age of 62.
When writing down your concerns, try to give specific examples.
Not:"She was driving erratically." But: "She was weaving, and in
fact crossed the center line at least 4 times. While driving,
she started to search for something inside the car, turning on
the interior light and not looking at the road while rifling
through papers." With specific examples, the examiner knows what
kind of behavior to look for.
The person usually takes a written knowledge test, a vision
test, and a road test. It is not a given that the person loses
their license. Sometimes they pass with flying colors. Sometimes
they pass, but are flagged for annual examinations. They could
have their license restricted (say, only daytime driving).
Although of course, revocation is also possible.
#Post#: 53855--------------------------------------------------
Re: The driving dilemma
DIR By: Mrs Rat
Date: June 30, 2020, 7:57 pm
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When talking to my brother and husband about my dad's terrifying
driving they were horrified that I thought he should hand in his
license. Luckily he didn't injure or kill anybody but he did
pull out in front of a woman, then abused her when she hit him.
He also pulled into a car park at a shopping centre, scraping
the length of his car on the corner of the truck in the
neighbouring park, he got out and abused the driver for parking
there. I think his doctor finally helped him realize that he
shouldn't be driving and handed in his license. Now he is a
terror on his mobility scooter, racing out across the road
without looking, waving at the beeping cars as they slam on
their brakes. It's been explained to me that the MS affects his
logic so he doesn't understand that he is being so dangerous. He
used to be a traffic cop, he took people for their driving
license tests.
Given the chance again I would dob him in anonymously. If he'd
hurt someone I would feel responsible.
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