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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 53980--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: surlyrat Date: July 3, 2020, 1:23 am
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1762.msg53761#msg53761
date=1593447116]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1762.msg53704#msg53704
date=1593265390]
I think they can have a party later and say a few sweet words to
each other in front of the gathering (like toasting each other),
but not full on vows with an officiant.
They don't have to mention gifts but if the party is billed as a
celebration of a marriage, guests will probably bring one.
[/quote]
This is how I feel.
I know this is an unpopular opinion in the wider world, but a
full-on repeat ceremony offends me. It reduced BOTH ceremonies
to performances only.
You can have lots of parties to celebrate, as long as the guest
lists are basically different (except for a few small overlaps,
and the core family/friends, of course).
If my friend or family had to completely skip, or extremely pare
down, their actual wedding, I'd be there with bells on to
celebrate later.
But I'd find a big white wedding with vows, etc., to be
uncomfortable and perhaps even self-indulgent.
[/quote]
Who are you to say what multiple celebrations means to another
person or couple?
I can't personally imagine being such a miserable person that I
begrudged any of my friends celebrating their weddings in the
middle of a pandemic, when people are isolated from their
families and experiencing loss, however they wanted to celebrate
it.
#Post#: 53984--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Hanna Date: July 3, 2020, 4:38 am
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[quote author=surlyrat link=topic=1762.msg53980#msg53980
date=1593757386]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=1762.msg53761#msg53761
date=1593447116]
[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1762.msg53704#msg53704
date=1593265390]
I think they can have a party later and say a few sweet words to
each other in front of the gathering (like toasting each other),
but not full on vows with an officiant.
They don't have to mention gifts but if the party is billed as a
celebration of a marriage, guests will probably bring one.
[/quote]
This is how I feel.
I know this is an unpopular opinion in the wider world, but a
full-on repeat ceremony offends me. It reduced BOTH ceremonies
to performances only.
You can have lots of parties to celebrate, as long as the guest
lists are basically different (except for a few small overlaps,
and the core family/friends, of course).
If my friend or family had to completely skip, or extremely pare
down, their actual wedding, I'd be there with bells on to
celebrate later.
But I'd find a big white wedding with vows, etc., to be
uncomfortable and perhaps even self-indulgent.
[/quote]
Who are you to say what multiple celebrations means to another
person or couple?
I can't personally imagine being such a miserable person that I
begrudged any of my friends celebrating their weddings in the
middle of a pandemic, when people are isolated from their
families and experiencing loss, however they wanted to celebrate
it.
[/quote]
She did not say what it means to another person, but to herself.
(And that was the question actually.)
#Post#: 53985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Hanna Date: July 3, 2020, 4:42 am
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How about videoing the wedding and playing it at the larger
reception At a later date.
I don’t think as a bride, I could have ever captured the same
feeling by having my wedding twice.
There’s also the problem of realizing that no one is really so
very keen to see me get married that I needed to re-enact it for
them.
#Post#: 53997--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Aleko Date: July 3, 2020, 12:48 pm
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[quote]I can't personally imagine being such a miserable person
that I begrudged any of my friends celebrating their weddings in
the middle of a pandemic, when people are isolated from their
families and experiencing loss, however they wanted to celebrate
it.[/quote]
Absolutely nobody here is begrudging anyone celebrating their
weddings: on the contrary, everyone is suggesting ways they can
do that. The objection, such as it is, is to people re-enacting
them as though the re-enactment were the real wedding.
#Post#: 54032--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: oogyda Date: July 4, 2020, 10:05 am
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A dear friend had a very nice wedding scheduled for March 21.
The beginning of restrictions around here. First the location
got changed due to tighter restrictions in the original county,
then the date got changed and more restrictions were imposed and
everything very nearly fell apart. As it was, we were a little
above the allowed group size of 10, but she managed to have a
very nice wedding and small reception.
They had an actual "need" to get married and had planned the
date accordingly. His lease was up but according to her divorce
agreement, he couldn't live with her and her children unless
they were married.
I think they'll have something close to what they had originally
planned when they are able and we will attend gladly and
celebrate like we wish we'd been able to the first time.
#Post#: 54084--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: jazzgirl205 Date: July 5, 2020, 12:19 pm
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[quote author=Rho link=topic=1762.msg53746#msg53746
date=1593400266]
Add me to the list of those who think a ceremony to make the
marriage legal now followed by a reception later is a great plan
of action.
Why not have the bridesmaid wear their expensive gowns? The
bride Should wear her dress---lot's of us consider seeing the
dress one of the high
[/quote]
Why not take this opportunity to throw a ball? Evening gowns
and tuxedos, open bar, large and varied amounts of party food,
dance floor, and band. It would cost the same as a normal
wedding reception but would be more memorable. This is what my
dd wants to do: Have a private ceremony, then throw a ball after
she gets back from her honeymoon (she isn't engaged or anything.
Just a wish).
#Post#: 54095--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Gellchom Date: July 5, 2020, 3:55 pm
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My husband was scheduled to do a wedding this October, which is
now being postponed to October 2021.
The bride (I'll call her Dora) asked him what he thought about
doing a private ceremony now so that they can be married (not
sure if there are any particular circumstances) and then do
another ceremony in October 2021. I don't know whether that's
what they want, or if she was just exploring options, but he
asked me what I thought.
I have written before about my cousin who had a June date, then
an August date, then "sometime next year," and finally a
private, backyard wedding with plans for a big anniversary party
(probably the venue, etc. planned for the wedding) next year. I
thought that was a wise choice. I mean, I get it about wanting
your wedding the way you wanted it, but putting it off for a
whole year just for the sake of that feels a little like
prioritizing the WEDDING (and I LOVE weddings) too much over
getting MARRIED already.
Now, if Dora goes ahead with that two ceremonies a year and a
half -- at least -- apart idea, I certainly wouldn't begrudge
them, especially not under the current circumstances.
I am also uncomfortable with people taking the same vows twice.
To me, that shows a lack of respect for how serious those vows
are. If the first time meant something, how could the second
time mean anything? And if they mean nothing, and it's just a
show, then that is offensive to those who do take them
seriously.
But they could do the civil ceremony now and the religious
ceremony later, and that would NOT be a repeat; we are dealing
with two different legal systems here. The ceremony we do
satisfies both Ohio law and Jewish law, because they include the
requirements of both, but a civil ceremony would not satisfy the
Jewish legal requirements and the Jewish ceremony, without the
things required by the state, wouldn't satisfy the state. So it
wouldn't be a "blessing" or "renewal" (I too am not crazy about
vow renewals) of the original vows. I still like the "one BWW
per marriage" rule, but I don't care which comes first.
But if Dora were my friend or relative, and she asked me my
opinion, I'd advise her against it. Not because it's incorrect
or disrespectful or anything else. Rather, because I suspect
SHE will not be happy with it. I'd be afraid she'd be
second-guessing herself the whole time about whether it is silly
or disrespectful or what people might think. I'd advise her to
have her wedding ceremony (both parts) now, and have a reception
or anniversary party or whatever they want to call it in the
future, with no artificial ritual. Ordinarily, people might
find it silly to wear wedding and bridesmaids' gowns at such an
event, but not under the current circumstances. (I probably
wouldn't have people buy attendants' dresses for it if they
didn't already have them, but if they do, by all means, wear
them!) The cake, the speeches, the toasts, the flowers, the
music, the dancing, all the other things that they were looking
forward to could be exactly the same without anything feeling
off. And I'd add a special toast or speech from the HC to each
other -- that will have a similar effect to vows without feeling
forced or artificial.
As for gifts, I think people realize that they are going to send
one gift for the marriage, no matter how the ceremonies are
planned. Why would anyone think they'd have to give a gift both
times? The gift is for the marriage, not admission to an event.
So they'd either send it now or later. I wouldn't give that a
thought.
#Post#: 54128--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: LifeOnPluto Date: July 6, 2020, 6:13 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Does anyone here read AITA on Reddit? There was a thread today
where the OP and his fiancee were going to have a tiny
courthouse wedding (by necessity, due to the restrictions), and
the fiancee wanted to have a big wedding with all their friends
and family when the pandemic was over. The OP refused on the
basis that "we'll already have had a wedding"! The OP and the
fiancee ended up breaking up over it.
Nearly everyone called the OP "the a$$hole", and most said that
it was perfectly acceptable in these times to have a second
larger wedding once the pandemic was over.
(This was also the same OP who reckoned that his fiancee was
"splurging" on a $350 wedding dress, and he should be able to
buy something fun for himself of the equivalent amount).
#Post#: 54129--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: gramma dishes Date: July 6, 2020, 7:44 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=1762.msg54128#msg54128
date=1594033990]
...
(This was also the same OP who reckoned that his fiancee was
"splurging" on a $350 wedding dress, and he should be able to
buy something fun for himself of the equivalent amount).
[/quote]
It sounds like the fiancee dodged a bullet here. :-\
#Post#: 54130--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: AnnNottingham Date: July 6, 2020, 7:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My grandboss was in this situation due to the pandemic. He was
supposed to have a blowout in late May but he and his lovely
wife opted for a much smaller 'do with a party TBA. His wife
was talking to me recently, and she kind of stuck a fork in the
whole wedding industry by saying "You spend a fortune on all the
bells and whistles, and you're just as married as when you go to
the courthouse and have takeout in the back yard". She's not
wrong.
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