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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 53724--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: gramma dishes Date: June 27, 2020, 7:53 pm
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[quote author=Buffalogal link=topic=1762.msg53718#msg53718
date=1593286803]
Several couples I know have postponed the large ceremony and
party until next year. They have had a small wedding ceremony
(usually the couple, their parents & an officiant) on the
original date and are planning a vow renewal ceremony and
reception next year. I don't see anything wrong with that.
[/quote]
Covid has presented us with challenges we've never before had to
face. I think we have to be flexible enough to realize that
sometimes standard, traditional etiquette just simply can't be
applied. Even if I would normally agree that someone should
have only one wedding, I think given the circumstances it would
be awesome to have that tiny ceremony now and the bigger renewal
when the world is healthier again.
#Post#: 53725--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: STiG Date: June 27, 2020, 9:10 pm
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We were supposed to go to my husband's cousin's wedding in May.
It has been postponed until November. And may be postponed
again because I'm not sure we are going to be in the clear by
then. If they have gone ahead and held a small, immediate
family ceremony and decide to do the full shindig next year?
I'm good with that.
#Post#: 53727--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: lakey Date: June 27, 2020, 9:23 pm
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I think that having a renewal of vows is a more accurate way of
having the ceremony. This acknowledges that they are already
married. As far as a wedding dress, bridesmaids, flowers, a nice
reception, and all, great. It's a big life event and people want
to celebrate it.
#Post#: 53733--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Aleko Date: June 28, 2020, 5:52 am
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[quote]I had not realized that etiquette says that you only get
one wedding.[/quote]
It's not "etiquette" that says that! It's reality. If you're
already 100% married (I say '100%' because people married in a
civil ceremony may well feel that they aren't fully, truly
married without a religious ceremony, and in some countries
people married in a religious ceremony aren't legally married
without a civil ceremony), you can't get married. Period. If you
hold the same ceremony and make the same vows again just because
the first one wasn't as big an occasion as you'd have liked, or
not everyone you wanted could get there, you aren't having
another wedding - you're just play-acting. Personally I find
that distasteful.
But there's nothing in etiquette or reality that prevents you
having a wedding ceremony with just a tiny handful of the people
closest to you, and having the wedding reception later - even
months later - when it's finally possible for all your family
and friends to gather together. And at that reception the bride
and bridesmaids can wear their wedding outfits, the couple can
cut the cake, the fathers can make interminable corny speeches
and the guests can throw confetti, all that stuff. It's a real
wedding reception, so it's perfectly proper to treat it as such.
[quote]Several couples I know have postponed the large ceremony
and party until next year. They have had a small wedding
ceremony (usually the couple, the parents and the officiant) on
the original date and are planning a vow renewal ceremony and
reception next year. I don't see anything wrong with
that.[/quote]
I'm afraid that Eeyore here does. I'm a bit iffy about vow
renewal ceremonies as a thing (hey, those vows were supposed to
be for life when you made them; they don't expire), but I'm
prepared to give a pass for people who want to declare to the
world and to celebrate that after, say, 30 or 50 years their
romance is burning as brightly as ever and they still want to be
together as long as they both shall live. But renewing your vows
after one year? Wot, the 12-month warranty on them has run out,
has it?
#Post#: 53746--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Rho Date: June 28, 2020, 10:11 pm
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Add me to the list of those who think a ceremony to make the
marriage legal now followed by a reception later is a great plan
of action.
Why not have the bridesmaid wear their expensive gowns? The
bride Should wear her dress---lot's of us consider seeing the
dress one of the highlights of attending a wedding.
#Post#: 53761--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: TootsNYC Date: June 29, 2020, 11:11 am
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[quote author=Rose Red link=topic=1762.msg53704#msg53704
date=1593265390]
I think they can have a party later and say a few sweet words to
each other in front of the gathering (like toasting each other),
but not full on vows with an officiant.
They don't have to mention gifts but if the party is billed as a
celebration of a marriage, guests will probably bring one.
[/quote]
This is how I feel.
I know this is an unpopular opinion in the wider world, but a
full-on repeat ceremony offends me. It reduced BOTH ceremonies
to performances only.
You can have lots of parties to celebrate, as long as the guest
lists are basically different (except for a few small overlaps,
and the core family/friends, of course).
If my friend or family had to completely skip, or extremely pare
down, their actual wedding, I'd be there with bells on to
celebrate later.
But I'd find a big white wedding with vows, etc., to be
uncomfortable and perhaps even self-indulgent.
#Post#: 53762--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: TootsNYC Date: June 29, 2020, 11:16 am
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=1762.msg53708#msg53708
date=1593266856]
I totally agree that you can't go through the same marriage
ceremony twice (at least, not unless you've been through a
divorce in between!)
But in many parts of Europe (e.g. France and Italy), religious
weddings are not recognised by the state, so people who want a
religious wedding are actually obliged to have a civil ceremony
as well in order to be legally married. I don't see why a couple
shouldn't have a civil ceremony now with just a handful of the
people closest to them as witnesses, just so that they can start
their official married life, and have a religious ceremony with
their whole community of friends and relatives present whenever
that again becomes possible.
[/quote]
Or vice versa! have a civil ceremony, then later have a church
ceremony of consecrating the vows, maybe even repeating them in
this religious setting.
there's the concept of the vow renewal, but that bothers me in
general and especially when it's so soon after the original ones
(what happened to your old vows? did they wear out so easily?
then maybe they weren't vows)
And, perhaps if the original ceremony was really, really small,
and you repeated your vows leter in the presence of family and
friends for THEIR blessing--but then they'd need to be more than
spectators, somehow.
So much of it is a bit of semantics--for me, it's all about
"don't reduce either ceremony to a mere performance." Any
follow-up "ceremony" should feel as though it is its own
important thing.
#Post#: 53902--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Winterlight Date: July 1, 2020, 11:03 am
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I'd personally go with the small wedding and reception later.
But given the circumstances, I'm not going to be upset if they
want to do it again.
#Post#: 53909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Nestholder Date: July 1, 2020, 11:26 am
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I'd say a small wedding, video'd by one of those present (as you
wouldn't want to waste one of those precious slots on a
stranger!) so that you could show it at the belated reception,
would work very well. Perhaps savvy wedding venues would be so
kind as to set up static cameras to record the whole thing, and
send the recordings to the happy couple?
#Post#: 53919--------------------------------------------------
Re: Having two weddings due to COVID-19?
By: Aleko Date: July 1, 2020, 1:07 pm
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When did it even become a thing, for people who have got married
to repeat the actual ceremony purely because the first time it
just wasn't how they had wanted it to be? And how many churches
and other institutions will go along with this?
Here in the UK the Church of England definitely won't wear it.
Because a CoE wedding is a legal event creating a valid
marriage, already-married people aren't eligible to have one.
What you can have, if you've had a civil marriage or got married
abroad (or if one or both of you are divorced with ex-spouses
living) is a wedding blessing (technical name a 'Service of
Prayer and Dedication') which includes no vows of exchange of
rings, and has (unlike the Marriage Service) no legal force, but
can be made to feel like a wedding with appropriate hymns,
readings, bridesmaids, flowers and bells.
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